Weep Not Too Much
by Alabaster86
Summary: As Mai struggles with a serious illness and death looms as a real possibility, Zuko, their three children and others close to her must deal with their feelings and make the most of their time with Mai. Takes place fifteen years after the series.
1. Chapter 1

Weep Not Too Much*

Fifteen years had passed since the end of the war and the true start of Mai's and Zuko's lives together. They had been a good fifteen years, wonderful at times, with troubles and trials too, but all in all both looked back at them with nothing but fondness. The years had brought them marriage and three children, two sons and one daughter. The years had also brought them a brother in Tom-Tom and an enviable closeness with their friends. Zuko's mother was never found and that sorrow still ate at the Fire Lord, though he did not let it darken the happiness he had with his family, both blood and extended.

It was when Zuko first noticed subtle changes in Mai that terror, true terror, crept into his heart and wouldn't leave, no matter how much he tried to ignore it or shove it aside. There was something wrong with his wife; of that, Zuko had no doubt.

* * *

Mai picked at her dinner, pushing the komodochiken aside and taking a few mouthfuls of rice and vegetables. She smiled as her daughter, Natsumi, the middle child and seven years old, helped their youngest, Akihiko, with his chopsticks.

"You're only three and I'm seven. So I can do it better than you can." She adjusted the utensils in the little boy's chubby hand, and then with _her _hand on top of his, picked up a small piece of meat. "There; eat this."

Akihiko looked at his sister with wide, admiring gold eyes and did as he was told. He chewed the meat and then waited for her to help him with the next piece.

"See, Momma, I'm helping him." She swung her long brown hair over her shoulders and her pretty face, so much like Zuko's, was positively shining with delight and pride.

"I see, Natsumi; you're doing a fine job." Mai caught Zuko's eye and they shared that secret smile of theirs, the one that somehow excluded everyone else. "Now, let him try on his own this time."

"Yeah; he won't get it if you keep doing it for him. He needs to learn how to use chopsticks all by himself." The elder prince, ten year old Yasahiro, spoke with the authority and wisdom that came with three extra years of life. He stared at his sister and shook his head, looking every bit the disappointed professor or master.

Natsumi made sure neither Mai nor Zuko were looking and then stuck her tongue out at her older brother. He sneered at the childish action and then went back to his own dinner. Little Akihiko, meanwhile, had cleaned up the rest of his food, most of it reaching his mouth by way of his fingers.

"All gone," he stated proudly and held up his empty bowl for everyone to see.

"Someone was hungry!" Zuko looked at his youngest child with affection and then gave him a wink. "I'll bet you're ready for dessert."

"Yeah," Akihiko shouted. "Me love dessert!"

Zuko got up from his seat and moved to the door, where he pulled on the thick red cord that rang a bell in the kitchen. A servant would come shortly to remove the dinner dishes and then bring tea and dessert. On the way back to his chair, he stopped by Mai's seat, leaning down and whispering in her ear.

"Not hungry tonight?" His eyes and voice both held worry. Really, Mai could get a splinter and he would fret. And his concern hadn't lessened over the years.

"No, not particularly; but I'm looking forward to my tea." She reached up and grabbed for his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

Zuko brushed her temple with his lips and then sat down again. All three of their children watched this exchange carefully. They were used to seeing affection between their parents and much as Yasahiro especially, moaned sometimes, they all loved it.

The kids ate dessert with gusto while Zuko poured both he and Mai a cup of good, potent jasmine tea. They sipped slowly, savoring the taste of Iroh's own special brew, shipped to them from the Jasmine Dragon in Ba Sing Se regularly.

Leaning back a bit in her chair, Mai took another long draught and sighed contentedly. "Your uncle is a genius."

Zuko chuckled. "He would be glad to hear you say that. I think that all of Ba Sing Se agrees."

"We really should visit again soon. The kids love it there." Mai's eyes grew hazy with reminiscence and her body stilled completely for a moment.

"I wanna go to see Uncle," Natsumi declared. There was a dab of red fruit filling on her chin and another on the cream coloured tablecloth near her plate. She scooped that one up and ate it then rubbed at the patch on her skin, Zuko pointing to his own to guide her.

"Soon," the Fire Lord appeased. "But we need to make plans first."

"Come on children," Mai prodded, breaking the spell. "You have school tomorrow and should get your baths now. Let's go."

The Fire Lady stood up and took little Akihiko by the hand, leading him down the hallway to his own little room, next door to the huge one shared by her and Zuko.

"Don't remind me; I have a test in history tomorrow and Mr. Kato said it's going to be really hard." Yasahiro looked put upon but really he adored learning just about anything and had a sharp mind, suited for studies.

"Did you study?" Zuko asked.

"Yes, Dad, I studied a lot."

"Then you'll do just fine." His voice was reasonable and he gave the boy's ponytail a tug.

"Aww, Dad, don't do that," the boy complained. "I'm too old."

"And who exactly will see?" Zuko looked at his son pointedly and waited for a response.

"No one, but I still hate it."

Yasahiro walked faster, moving ahead of his family. Just to bug him, Zuko sped up too and gave the pitch black hair another gentle pull. He laughed and then rubbed the boy's hair affectionately.

"Go get ready for bed. Your mother and I will be in to say goodnight soon."

"Fine," the boy replied and shot his father a grin.

* * *

The Fire Lord helped their little boy with his bath while Mai made certain that Natsumi was all right on her own. By the time an hour had passed, the two younger children were safe in bed, one sound asleep and one drifting off.

"Yasahiro should be finished by now." Zuko poked his head in the ten year old boy's doorway and looked around his room. It was scrupulously neat with all his books, toys and special belongings organized into groups, some in boxes and some displayed on shelves or in cabinets. "Is it normal for a kid to be this clean?"

Mai giggled. "I don't know if there is a normal. He's a good boy who likes to keep his things in their proper places. Enjoy it; who knows if the neat stage will last?"

"I'm just brushing my teeth," their older son called out to them.

His parents entered the room and waited for him to finish. Yasahiro came out of his bathroom, his pale skin freshly scrubbed and his hair still damp. Without waiting to be told, the boy climbed into bed and then yawned widely. His eyes were already heavy and he struggled to keep them open.

"All that fresh air today tired you out." Zuko and the children had spent the better part of the day out in the garden playing various games and practicing their bending; well the two older children did. Little Akihiko hadn't shown signs of bending as of yet.

"Mmmmhmmm," the boy agreed and smiled warmly at his mother and father.

He was out cold a few minutes later. Mai ran a hand through his hair and kissed his forehead, then adjusted the sheets and blankets expertly.

"I'm a bit tired too," she confessed.

Zuko gave his son one last look and then grabbed hold of his wife's hand.

* * *

After their own shared, relaxing bath and an hour of quiet reading, the couple was ready for bed themselves. Mai brushed out her shiny black hair and dressed in a simple red nightgown while Zuko pulled back the covers.

"You're gorgeous, you know that?" He couldn't help himself. Mai's beauty still overwhelmed him sometimes and his good fortune never ceased to amaze him. Feeling a twinge in his groin, he approached Mai from behind and kissed the side of her neck, pushing back the soft, dark mane. She watched him in the mirror of her vanity and felt her own matching tingle. "Are you game?"

"Definitely," Mai replied and stood up; she pulled off the red silk that was still cool against her skin.

They made love then, slowly, each movement and each touch exquisitely pleasurable. They knew every inch of the other's body, every mark, every dip and every especially sensitive spot. So when Zuko's tongue trailed over her stomach and then her hips, the jutting of her bones felt just a little bit more pronounced. Was she losing weight, he wondered, then pushed the thought out of his mind. His desire and the aching need between his legs obliterated all other thought. But when they were done and Mai slept soundly, tucked in close to him, his eyes traveled her body carefully. Yes, she had lost weight. He could see it now and it frightened him.

*'Weep Not Too Much' from an untitled poem by Anne Bronte.

* * *

A/N: This idea came to me out of the blue today and I had to write it because it would not shut up. Inspiration comes partially from Darren Aronofsky's maligned but I think brilliant film, 'The Fountain'. Check it out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Weep Not Too Much**

_**Chapter 2: Fear Grows**_

Early morning sunlight streamed lazily in through the red curtained windows, calling softly to Zuko's blood, rousing him from a sweet slumber. Mai still slept soundly beside him and the Fire Lord watched her face, the flutter of eyelashes, the slight movements of her lips, love overwhelming him as it always did, whether he watched her secretly or with her knowledge. He leaned over and brushed some stray black hair from her cheek and then kissed her forehead. Creeping quietly out of bed, he went about his morning routine, letting her sleep. Perhaps that was what she needed; some extra rest. She had looked a bit tired yesterday.

After shaving and giving himself a quick cleanup, Zuko grabbed himself some breakfast and then saw to the kids, checking in on Mai a few times as well.

"Where's Mom," Yasahiro demanded. "She was going to quiz me before school."

The boy stuffed a fresh roll, dripping with fruit preserves into his mouth and chewed noisily before swallowing the whole thing down.

"Uh, wow, how did you do that?" Zuko looked at his older son with amazement.

"He's got a big mouth." Natsumi was always ready with a smart remark.

"Yeah, and I'm gonna bite you with it, so watch out." He kicked the girl lightly under the table and she wrinkled her nose at him. "So where's Mom?"

"She's still asleep. I didn't want to wake her and you won't either." The last words were spoken sternly. "Let _me _quiz you."

"Aww, but Mom does it better," Yasahiro moaned. "Why does she have to sleep?"

"Not everything is about you. Now, either I quiz you or no one does." Zuko's face was pulled down into a frown now. He waited for his boy's decision.

"Fine; sorry, Dad. You can quiz me."

As it turned out, Zuko did a pretty good job himself.

* * *

With the two older children safely in school and little Akihiko in the company of their_ very_ part time nanny, Zuko put together a breakfast tray for Mai and snuck back to their room. She was just beginning to rouse. He smiled as she stretched and grimaced, those first few moments of wakefulness always difficult. When she finally opened her eyes, she rubbed at the stickiness in the corners, gave him a curious look, and then glanced over to the window.

"It's late, isn't it? How did I sleep so long? Oh, damn, I was supposed to help Yasahiro this morning."

"Yes, it's late. The kids are in school and Akihiko's playing with Midori. I quizzed Yasahiro so there's no need to worry."

Mai quirked an eyebrow up at him and smirked. "And how did that go?"

"It went just fine, thank you." He shifted the tray of food over to the bed in a not so subtle attempt to entice her. "Fruit and bread and jam and your favorite tea; you should eat something, Mai."

"That's sweet; thank you, Zuko." She sat up then, adjusting the pillows behind her back and placed the tray on her lap. Everything looked and smelled good but the thought of actually putting something in her mouth was somehow repugnant. She looked furtively at her husband before bringing a piece of bread to her mouth and nibbling delicately on it. It was a far cry from Yasahiro's performance of just a few hours earlier.

"How is it?" Zuko asked, eager to please.

The worry that rolled off him was almost a physical thing that Mai could reach out and touch. She hated to see him worry; it made her feel guilty and uncomfortable. All she wanted to do was take it away from Zuko and make him feel at ease once again. She took another bite of bread and then chose a piece of sliced mango before finally reaching for the delicious fruit tea, another of Iroh's specialties.

"It's wonderful. Breakfast in bed; it's almost like our honeymoon."

Her thoughts traveled back to that glorious week thirteen years earlier, when she was eighteen and Zuko nineteen. They spent it on a remote island of the Fire Nation archipelago, with no servants, no people at all, in fact, just the two of them, in blissful isolation. It was one of the very best weeks of her life, one she recalled fondly quite often.

Zuko's eyes grew misty too, and he sorted through his own memories. "That was a great week, wasn't it?"

"Yeah; we've had a lot of great weeks." Mai put her teacup down and reached out for Zuko's hand. It was so warm, just like it always was, and felt so good against the cool skin of _her _hand.

"Your hand is cold," Zuko remarked. The worry was back and Mai sighed.

"Stop fretting; you'll spoil my breakfast." Mai went back to eating. She looked determinedly at the food and swallowed hard before taking a few more bites of bread. "I can't eat any more." With that she removed the tray and leaned back against the pillows, willing herself not to throw up.

Zuko immediately put a hand to her forehead, checking for a fever and looked her up and down with intense eyes. "There's something wrong, Mai. You've lost weight. Last night when we…when we made love, I noticed."

"You did? I haven't. Maybe I've got the stomach flu or something or some other kind of bug."

"Well, I'm sending the physician to see you today. And you're not going to wriggle out of it, even if I have to tie you to the damn bed." The Fire Lord's voice was serious. Mai knew very well that he meant business.

"Fine, fine, but I want to wash up and get dressed first. Old Chiko might have a heart attack if he sees me in this nightgown." Mai gestured down to the sheer red silk and smirked.

"True enough; let me take the tray. I'll go hunt Chiko down."

Zuko gave Mai a lingering kiss on the lips and then let his hands wander over her breasts before leaving with the tray of food.

"Pervert," she called after him jokingly.

"You love it," he replied with a laugh.

Once out in the hallway, Zuko leaned against the wall and let out a shuddering sigh. The fear that had gripped him last night was back and _far_ more insistent.

* * *

Mai dragged her body out of the plush and warm and oh so comfortable bed. She wanted to stay there, curled up like a cat under the covers, but resisted the temptation. Once her feet were on the thick red carpeting, the urge to vomit was overwhelming. She ran to the bathroom, one hand over her mouth and the other pressed to her abdomen. Making it just in time, she let loose, heaving up her meager breakfast. Mai was sweating and shaking now. She leaned her head against the cool of the tile floor and then stood up on uncertain legs. Catching a glimpse of herself in the large mirror, Mai gasped.

She pulled her nightgown off and examined herself carefully. Zuko was right. She had lost weight. How was it that she hadn't noticed? Her ribs were more prominent and her cheeks a bit hollow. Pale gold eyes stared back at her, still tired looking despite the long sleep she'd just woken up from.

Taking a deep breath, she rinsed out her mouth and cleaned her teeth, then washed her face. Walking back out into the bedroom, she selected loose, comfortable clothes and then brushed out her hair, pinning it back simply. Mai sat down on the sofa and waited for the Royal Physician. She was as eager to see him now as Zuko was to bring him to her.

Sitting there in silence, Mai felt a trickle of fear work its insidious way up her spine. She trembled and reached for a cushion, hugging it to herself like her youngest did his stuffed koala sheep. It provided no comfort.


	3. Chapter 3

**Weep Not Too Much**

_**Chapter 3: Explanations**_

A sharp rapping on the bedroom door startled Mai. She got up from her seat on the couch and opened the large, ornate double doors, expecting to see the royal physician, Mr. Chiko. But it was a young woman she spotted first, probably about twenty two and wearing a nervous smile along with her utilitarian robes.

"Who are you?" Mai asked brusquely, a frown creasing her forehead.

"My name is Kana Todoro, my lady." She bowed then, her long brown hair falling in sheets on either side of her face. "I'm Dr. Chiko's assistant. He'll be along any minute now."

"Since when does he have an assistant?" Mai was curious despite herself. Chiko was a dear man, there for the delivery of each of her three children, efficient and compassionate and unfortunately, growing quite old.

"Well, actually, I want to be a physician myself, and he's a family friend, so he agreed to take me on, with Fire Lord Zuko's permission, of course." The woman was talking quickly now, whether from nervousness or excitement, Mai wasn't certain.

"Am I to assume that the Fire Lord gave his permission, then?"

"Yes, my lady. Oh, here comes Dr. Chiko now."

Mai breathed a sigh of relief and held the door open for one of her favorite people in the entire world.

"Ah, Mai, I hope you don't mind if Kana observes my examination today. If it bothers you, please let me know. I want you to feel comfortable." He peered at Mai closely, taking in the shadows that marred her perfect skin and the darkish circles under her eyes. She definitely looked thinner than the last time he had seen her. Zuko had a tendency to over worry, but perhaps this time, he actually had a good reason to fret.

Mai shrugged in that dismissive way of hers; it didn't matter to her one way or the other.

"Just stretch out on the sofa, dear, and I'll take a look."

Obediently, Mai lay down and waited for Dr. Chiko to do his thing. First, he asked questions, grilling her mercilessly about any symptoms that she had. He was a great believer that the patient knew his or her own body better than anyone else ever could. They inhabited them after all. It only made good sense.

"Zuko mentioned your lack of appetite and the weight that you've lost. I can see that myself. Are you experiencing any nausea?"

Mai hesitated for the briefest of moments.

"If you don't tell me everything, I can't help you, Mai. You should know that by now," the physician chastised softly. "I want every detail, anything that you can think of."

She gazed down at her hands, linking her fingers together and then unlinking them. Making up her mind, the Fire Lady stared directly into the doctor's kind and concerned brown eyes.

"Okay; the thought of food repulses me right now. As soon as I stepped out of bed this morning, I threw up my breakfast. I feel tired and sort of weak and my abdomen aches."

"That's much better; thank you. I'm going to check you now. Kana, move so that you can see properly. Don't worry about Mai. She won't bite."

The young woman laughed a squeaky sort of laugh and then moved to stand just behind and to the right of her mentor. She watched with avid interest as he poked and prodded, felt for fever, checked Mai's pulse rate and looked at the whites of her eyes. It was when he pushed down on a particular spot on her abdomen that Mai sucked in her breath and then let it out in short, noisy huffs.

"I'm sorry, Mai. It hurts badly, does it?" Brown eyes were full of sympathy now and the desire to know more.

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Mai snapped sarcastically.

Chika patted her arm in a vague attempt at comfort while gathering his thoughts. He had seen symptoms like this before, too many times, in fact, and often the prognosis was not good.

"Just tell me; don't try to be gentle. I want to know what's happening to me. I want to know just _how_ sick I am."

"I believe that you have a wasting disease, a disease that eats you up from the inside out, sapping your strength and your vitality. For you, it's centered in the stomach, but it might spread. I'm not sure what stage you're at, Mai, but if I had to guess, I would say closer to the beginning."

"Will it kill me?" Her eyes were steel hard now and her face was clenched tight, waiting for Chiko's reply.

"It might. I'm so sorry, Mai." There were tears in his eyes now and he let them fall down wrinkled cheeks. Some of them were caught by especially deep grooves in his skin, hovering for a moment before breaking free and making the rest of the journey down his still handsome face.

"Shouldn't I be the one crying?" Mai took the man's hand in hers and held it. "There is some hope, isn't there? I mean, don't some people survive?"

"Yes, oh, yes; don't you dare give up, Mai. I've seen the disease just up and leave a body, never to come back again. You'll need to follow my every instruction carefully. I'll give you an herbal brew that will settle your stomach and allow you to eat more than you have been. There are herbs that help to strengthen your body and its ability to fight this sickness. You must get lots of rest and above all else, _believe _that you will get better, believe that you will defeat this invasive thing. I hate to see you suffer, dear, and the days ahead won't be pleasant."

"Are there people who did all that and died anyway?" Mai asked directly.

"Yes; sometimes nothing works."

"Okay, then I need to prepare myself for that, in case it does happen. I want to enjoy my days, spend time with my children and my husband and my brother and my friends. Zuko; oh Agni, he'll go crazy."

Mai began to cry then as she thought about her husband and how devastated he would be and then smiled weakly as she imagined everything he would do to help her get better. The man would move mountains for her, give his own life if she let him. Should the worst happen, and she would fight tooth and nail to prevent that, Mai could at least say that the last seventeen years of her life, her time with Zuko, had been wonderful. And she had three beautiful children to remember her too, children who had brought so much joy into her life. Mai began to laugh.

"Am I missing something?" Doctor Chiko's tone was drier than the Earth Kingdom's largest desert.

"I was just thinking about how there was a time when having children was the furthest thing from my mind; and now, I can't imagine not having my three."

"You're a wonderful mother, Mai. But you'll need to let Zuko take over more of the child rearing for a while. He'll do fine and if it will help you, Zuko will put his all into it. He's the most determined human being I have ever met. I half expect that man to cure you himself."

Mai wiped at her eyes and took a deep cleansing breath, as if gathering her courage. Kana stared at her for a few seconds before finally speaking.

"Is there anything I can get you, my lady? Perhaps some chamomile tea; it's good for the stomach."

"Oh, um, thanks, but no; I need to speak with my husband now."

"I can do that if you like, dear." Chiko raised his bushy grey eyebrows. "The stress probably won't be good for you."

"No! I want to tell him. I need to tell him. Could you give me fifteen minutes and then send him here?"

"Of course; come along, Kana. We have some concoctions to make for Mai. The sooner she begins treatment, the better."

"Yes, sir." Kana bowed to Mai and then walked to the door, waiting there for the physician.

"Have hope, Mai; I've seen some miraculous things in my time as a doctor." Giving her a final pat on the arm, Chiko left. He murmured to Kana as they shut the doors behind them.

Alone again, Mai turned over on her side and buried her face into the soft fabric of the sofa. She let her tears fall freely, hot and stinging, painful even. She cried herself dry, then went to bathroom and splashed handful after handful of cold water over her face. It was no use; Zuko would know that she had been crying like a baby.

She didn't want to die. She didn't want to leave Zuko and the children behind. The thought saddened her more than anything ever had. She wanted to see each of her babies grow to be adults. She wanted to be a grandmother. She wanted to die old and happy in Zuko's arms. As horrible as the thought of dying was, the thought of what Zuko would suffer was worse. Mai would do anything to spare him that. It was with that determination she greeted her husband.

"Sit down, Zuko; I have something important to tell you."

The Fire Lord had walked back and forth, back and forth outside the bedroom, giving Mai her time, before poking his head in and looking for permission to enter.

"You've been crying!" His voice held panic already. "What is it, Mai?"

She gestured to the chair he was standing beside. Zuko sat and waited, his heart beating double time in his chest, frantic and out of control.

"I _am _sick," Mai began. "Now let me explain things."

"I knew it." A moan escaped Zuko's lips before he had a chance to swallow it down.


	4. Chapter 4

**Weep Not too Much**

_**Chapter 4: Desperation and Determination**_

Mai wasn't certain _what_ to say next. Her husband sat in front of her, clearly distraught already, and as of now, he _really_ didn't know anything. How would he react once he knew the full truth? She closed her eyes for a moment, gathering strength, and then simply blurted everything out; no long winded explanations, no trying to make the situation seem better than it was. There really was no point in doing that. Soon enough the severity of her condition would be obvious to anyone with eyes to see.

The despair on Zuko's face nearly undid her. She began to cry again as she saw all her own worry and anger and pain reflected back at her twofold. It was as if her husband suddenly became much smaller than he really was; he looked crumpled and broken and so very, very lost. Mai got up then and went to Zuko, pushing her way onto his lap and wrapping her arms around his neck. Her tears soaked his tunic and she whispered the same two words over and over again in his ear. "I know, I know, I know." He wrapped his own arms around her tiny waist then and clung to her tightly, whispering back, in a cracked and weak sounding voice, his _own_ two words. "Love you, love you, love you."

It became a litany of sorts, one that gave them courage and affirmed their deep love for each other. Eventually, they fell asleep like that, Mai curled up on Zuko, pressed into him as closely as she could get, and Zuko with his head resting against Mai's. It was more than an hour before they woke. For a moment, Zuko forgot why he felt so desolate; when the memory came back, the pain hit him again full force and he keened softly against the dark silkiness of Mai's hair.

The Fire Lady extracted herself from Zuko's grip, lifted his head and kissed him soundly. "We need to be strong, you and I together, okay. I need you if I'm going to fight this stupid thing. Our children will need us too. Can you do that? Will you be strong for me, Zuko?"

He stared at her with glassy eyes for a long time. Finally, he nodded and then began to kiss her everywhere, her lips, her cheeks, her eyelids, her fingertips. He savored the feel and the smell and the warmth of her. When he stopped, they got up from the chair, linked hands and left their bedroom, heading for the comfort of the palace gardens. When their two older children got home from school, Mai and Zuko would gather _them _along with their youngest, and inform them of Mai's illness. It was something that neither looked forward to; in fact, each of them was terrified.

* * *

Yasahiro and Natsumi bounded into the palace kitchen looking for an after school snack. Just like every day, a plate of fresh fruit, peeled and sliced along with biscuits right out of the oven awaited their eager fingers and mouths. The cook, a friendly older woman named Sun, shooed them away from the cooking area and gestured toward their usual seats.

"That's dinner in the oven; but it's not dinner time yet. Your snack is over there."

"But it smells so good, Sun. I love duck." The heir to the throne licked his lips in anticipation of his very favorite dinner. He had learned to love it under his great uncle Iroh's influence and now couldn't get enough.

Sun laughed a hearty belly laugh and ruffled the prince's hair. "Don't I know it? That's why I prepared _two _ducks, one for you and the other for the rest of your family."

"She's calling you a pig." Natsumi grinned and then stuck her tongue out at her brother.

"I'm doing no such thing, little princess. I'm acknowledging Yasahiro's love of roast duck; that's all."

"Whatever." The girl shrugged in a perfect imitation of Mai.

The pair dug into their snacks then, talking little and eating lots, looking like ordinary citizens rather than a prince and a princess. They both attended a public school and wore the same uniforms as everyone else. Generally, they were accepted by the other children, though occasionally envy induced taunts about their royal status came their way. Both were tough to them already. And both had friends, just like Mai and Zuko always hoped for them. Their children would not be subjected to the same lonely childhood that Zuko and to a lesser extent, Mai, had suffered.

A few minutes later, Zuko poked his head into the kitchen and beckoned for his two older children to follow him.

"Aww, Dad, we're not done yet." Yasahiro grabbed two pieces of fruit and ate them quickly then gulped at this papaya juice.

"Now, son; it's important." Zuko was not smiling like he usually did when he welcome his children home from school. He looked very serious and very sad.

"Okay, we're coming." The boy, sensing his father's mood, gently yanked at his sister's arm and dragged her along.

They followed Zuko away from the kitchen and through a series of hallways that led to the residential wing of the palace. He stopped outside the rooms he shared with their mother and ushered them inside.

"Something's wrong," Natsumi whispered. She reached for Yasahiro's hand and for once he didn't push it away. He held it tightly instead, the same sense of unease tickling his spine.

Little Akihiko sat on Mai's lap and played with her hair. She looked down at the boy affectionately and placed little kisses on the top of his head.

"Sit here beside me." Mai shifted over a bit, making room for her other two children.

"Mom, have you and Dad been crying?" Yasahiro wanted to get to the bottom of things right away. He liked his conversations neat and straight to the point, much as he like nearly everything.

Mai glanced up at her husband who took the same seat he had received the bad news in earlier. Something passed between them, a silent communication, and Mai began.

"Yes, we have been crying, Yasahiro. We got some upsetting news today." She paused then, letting the older children process that much. Both of them looked openly afraid now.

"Your mother is ill." Zuko's voice cracked and he fought to maintain composure. "And it's serious. But you know how strong your mother is. She'll fight and we'll all help her."

"Me help?" Akihiko asked.

"You're already helping, sweetie," Mai replied and pulled him even closer. His chubby little body felt so good against hers. She buried her nose in his neck and inhaled, taking comfort in the smells of soap and sweat and little boy skin.

"What do you mean she's sick? What's wrong with her? Is she going to die?" Yasahiro clutched his sister's hand hard now, so hard that she felt her bones grind together. His face was blanched and strained looking. He wanted to run to his mother and curl up in her lap like Akihiko. He wanted to cry and scream but most of all, he wanted to know more.

"No!" Zuko answered harshly. "Your mother will not die until she's old and grey and you are married with your own children and even your own grandchildren. Do you hear me?"

"Yes, Dad, I hear you." The boy hung his head now and tears rolled down his cheeks.

"Come here, son." Zuko's voice was gentler now. Yasahiro walked over to his father, letting go of Natsumi's hand reluctantly. "You too, Natsumi."

He hugged them both close and murmured words of comfort in their ears. "Go give your mom a hug now." He patted their backs and gave them a little push toward Mai.

She moved Akihiko to the spot beside her on the sofa and then opened her arms to her son and daughter. They hugged her back fiercely and sniffled into her chest.

"I love you both so much." Mai pulled back and looked at her children with a proud smile. "You're everything I could ever hope for. I was thinking that maybe I could do something special with each of you."

"If you have the energy," Zuko reminded his wife.

"_Yes_, if I have the energy. Natsumi, you've wanted to try throwing knives for awhile now. I think that you're ready to learn. I wasn't much older than you are when I started. And Yasahiro, we'll have to figure something out, okay?"

"Okay," he mumbled into her shirt. "I love you, Mom."

"I know you do." Mai gave the boy's arm a squeeze. She looked over his head at Zuko. Her husband was holding Akihiko now, rocking him back and forth. Mai suspected that it was more for _his _comfort than for that of the boy.

* * *

A/N: I need to work on my other story 'Equivalent Exchange' for the next day or so, so the next update might not be as quick.

Anyway, there's a lot of story left here. Mai's got a long fight ahead of her. I'll be bringing in her brother soon and Iroh and probably some of the gang (Katara and her healing abilities..).

Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	5. Chapter 5

**Weep Not too Much**

_**Chapter Five**_**: **_**Moving Forward**_

The children, except Akihiko, too young to understand, were exhausted emotional wrecks and went to bed early. There was no school for the next two days, so they could sleep as long as they needed to without worrying about missed classes or plans with friends. Mai let Zuko see them all off to bed. When he came back, the Fire Lord seemed calmer than he had been. Perhaps spending time with their children, doing something average and routine had soothed him.

"Can I get something for you?" were the first words out of his mouth. "I can go to the kitchen and fix you whatever you like."

"Not hungry, remember." Mai wished that she could eat something, anything, if only to wipe that horribly sad look from her husband's face. But the pain in her stomach and the general nausea wouldn't allow it. Where was Chiko with that damned magic tea?

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door. Zuko opened it and smiled at the old physician and his assistant. "Come in." He moved aside for them and shut the door again.

Kana carried a tray with two steaming cups of tea along with pouches of herbs.

"Are those my delicious herbal remedies?" Mai winced when the smell from one of the teacups hit her nostrils.

"Yes, and you will drink them both down without question. Then I will explain them to you." Chiko was in full doctor mode now. He was businesslike and efficient. "Zuko, you need to hear all of this too."

Kana handed the first cup to Mai who sipped at it bravely despite the horrible taste. "You're sure that you're not trying to kill me?"

Zuko flinched at those words, then dropped his head into his hands, and fought back tears. He looked up when he felt the warm pressure from Chiko's hand on his shoulder.

"I'm not saying that it will be easy, but Zuko, you need to be strong for Mai. She will need you more than you can imagine. You have the power to make this unpleasant experience so much easier for her. I know it breaks your heart, and I know that you're terrified. Feel those feelings but don't let them consume you."

The Fire Lord nodded gratefully to the doctor then moved to sit beside his wife. "Which tea is she drinking now?"

"This one should help with her nausea; I know it tastes awful and I'm sorry about that. But, Mai, you'll be thankful that you downed the swill." He winked at the woman and she flashed him a quick smile. Agni, she loved the old man and decided that she would tell him just that one day soon. "It's got bael leaves in it; a bit bitter but I did add some honey to lessen the sting. It's also got some herbs to help build your body's strength up. "

"The one she's drinking now is in the brown pouch. We've labeled it. And the one to help her sleep is in the red pouch, also labeled." Kana held them up for Zuko and Mai to see.

"Okay, I'm finished the first one." Mai put a hand over her mouth, trying to forcibly keep the tea down so it could do its work.

The second cup tasted better and she had an easier time with it.

"Not so bad, right?" Chiko asked.

"Right; when am I supposed to take these?"

"I want you to drink a cup of each every morning and every evening without fail; one _small _pinch of the herbs for each cup. Too much can create problems. Are you listening, Zuko?"

"Yes, I'm listening." The Fire Lord felt like a child being chastised by his father.

"I'll be back to check on Mai in the morning. I suggest you get your wife something to eat. Mai, you try and keep something down, all right?"

"I'll try." She nodded in reply.

"Oh, Chiko, I'm going to write Katara tonight. I want her to try her healing on Mai. Perhaps she can do something that the herbs can't."

"By all means; we'll try everything available. I have a lot of respect for waterbending healers. I'd like to be here when she works on Mai if that's okay."

"I don't mind. Bring Kana too; it'll be like a party." Mai wore a wry grin on her beautiful but drawn face.

"That's the spirit. I'll see you in the morning."

After Mai managed to eat a few spoonfuls of rice as well as half an apple and didn't throw them up, Zuko gently ordered her to bed.

"Yes, Daddy." She rolled her eyes at him but climbed into the bed like a dutiful little girl. "Aren't you going to tuck me in?"

"You're a saucy one, aren't you?" Zuko made sure that Mai was comfortable, smoothing out the sheets and blanket and then adjusting her pillow.

"Kiss me." Mai said the words almost mournfully. She wanted to feel his lips on hers. She wanted more as well, but was simply too tired. The thought of dying soon and never enjoying the pleasure of one of his kisses again was almost too much to bear.

"No need to ask; I planned on it."

He joined her on the bed and stretched out beside her. He ran his fingers along her face, exploring every angle and dip before putting his lips to hers. The kiss was sweet rather than lustful and it lingered until both needed to stop for air.

"That was nice." Mai smiled and then fell asleep, her eyelids fluttering closed and her breathing evening out until it became smooth and regular.

Zuko watched Mai sleep for a long time, taking comfort in the steady rise and fall of her chest and the sound of her heart beating as he moved his head down to listen. Never would he take those sounds for granted again. The thought of them stopping forever sent a pain through him so sharp that he gasped out loud. Mai stirred then and moaned in her sleep.

"Sorry," Zuko whispered. He brushed his lips against her temple and then got up from the bed. He had letters to write.

* * *

A sense of hope filled Mai when she awoke the next morning. She felt better than she had in days, energetic and hungry and eager to do something fun. Zuko wasn't in bed beside her and she panicked momentarily; she wasn't quite sure why. When she spotted him slumped over the desk, still dressed, ink stains on his dangling fingers, she smiled. He must have fallen asleep writing letters. Tiptoeing across the room, she unfurled one of the scrolls and began to read. It was addressed to Iroh. As her eyes scanned the lines, they filled with tears. She knew that learning of her illness had affected Zuko greatly, but there, in black characters set against the white of the scroll, his devastation was so very painfully real.

Mai closed her eyes tightly, refusing to let the tears fall. She had shed enough already. As she looked at her husband, hunched uncomfortably, his hair a mess and his expression strained even in sleep, her love for him felt stronger than perhaps it ever had. Brushing his shaggy bangs back, she kissed his forehead tenderly and then left their rooms, heading toward the kitchen with her pouch of herbs and an appetite.

* * *

Zuko found his family out in the garden, enjoying the warmth of the day. A target was set up against a tree and Mai was showing Natsumi how to hold a knife properly. Yasahiro sat with his little brother, keeping him out of mischief and away from flying blades. He looked up when Zuko joined them, giving his father a weak smile.

"How's Natsumi doing?" the Fire Lord asked curiously.

"Mom hasn't let her throw yet. She has to hold the knife right first." The boy went back to watching and little Akihiko climbed up onto his father's lap.

"Did your mom eat breakfast?"

The boy shrugged. "She ate before we did. But she looks better today."

"Yeah," Zuko agreed. "She does."

Natsumi giggled when her first throw fell far wide of the mark. Mai showed her the proper technique once again and then backed away to watch her girl throw. The second attempt was improved and Mai smiled a pleased little smile.

"Dad's here," Natsumi cried excitedly. "He finally woke up." She ran to her father and threw her arms around his neck.

"Hey, nice throwing; you've got the best knife thrower ever for a teacher, you know." Zuko hugged his daughter tight and kissed her forehead. "Go on and practice some more if you want."

"K, Daddy." She bounded off across the grass to join her mother once again.

Mai turned and gave Zuko a smile. He was bathed, shaved and dressed in fresh clothes. He looked handsome and she felt that all too familiar tingle of arousal hit her full force. 'Tonight,' she thought and the anticipation of _that _combined with the joy that spending time with her children brought her, kept Mai going throughout the day.

* * *

"Today was fun." Mai smiled as she recalled silly little things the kids had done; things that had made her laugh more than they normally would have.

She sipped on her tea as she lounged on the bed, long pale legs stretched out from below the end of her black silk nightgown.

"It was; I hope that you didn't tire yourself out." Zuko looked at her with concerned eyes.

He was drying off from a quick bath and Mai admired his well toned form. Her gaze was unabashedly desirous and Zuko began to blush as he felt the force of her stare. It held the same power that it had fifteen years ago, near the beginning of their relationship.

"I'm not too tired, nothing like yesterday. Why don't you just leave the sleep pants off?"

"Oh, oh, okay," he stammered.

Mai patted the bed invitingly and Zuko crawled up onto the mattress, eager to please, and so eager to be close. They both slept soundly that night and woke up together, ready to face another day.


	6. Chapter 6

**Weep Not Too Much**

_**Chapter Six: Visitors**_

Mai passed the next week or so in a haze of dull, muted pain mixed with hours here and there of relative comfort. She refused to rest quietly in her bed, however, and made the most of every day, spending time with each of her children, even if it was only half an hour, and spending time with her husband. She worried about_ him_. He was putting on a courageous front, but Mai knew him too well not to see the cracks. Zuko got angry when she expressed concern.

"Damn it, Mai, don't waste your energy worrying about me. You need all of it to get better. I'm fine, I'm coping. Please, concentrate on yourself."

"I need _you _and if you're tumbling into despair, you're no good to me. Don't you get it? I can't do this by myself."

"I know." His words were soft and gentle now. "But it's hard. I'll try, okay."

"Okay, that's all I can ask." She sighed then and went back to her book.

They were in Zuko's office and he was steadfastly reading reports from the various ministers. Mai had insisted he get back to work, not wanting the downfall of the country resting on her shoulders. She read some of the reports herself and offered her opinions which Zuko listened to gladly. Ill or not, Mai's brain was sharp and her observations almost always accurate. And the work was a good way to take her mind of her own deteriorating body. She hated obsessing about it. She hated it but she couldn't stop.

Every evening after her bath, Mai peered at herself in the full length mirror. She examined her body from every angle, taking note of the continued weight loss, and the unhealthy pallor to her skin. The dark circles under her eyes bothered her more than anything else and she took pains every morning to cover them with makeup. She felt shallow and vain, but looking her best was important and gave her that extra bit of strength she needed to begin the day.

Zuko told her she looked beautiful no matter what, and she believed him. Well, Mai believed that _he _thought she was beautiful. Her husband had seen her at her worst, after all; in the throes of childbirth, covered in baby food and baby vomit and sick with the flu. None of that ever bothered him. He would look into her eyes the same way that he always did; love, desire, admiration and respect all wrapped up neatly in each glance. This illness was actually sucking the life from her, though, and it showed, no matter how much her husband denied it.

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" Zuko asked tenderly. "I was calling you."

"I don't know…everything and nothing. I'm going to the kitchen to talk to Sun about dinner. I'll see you later, all right?"

"Yeah, I'll be finished here in an hour or so, when the kids get home."

Mai got up from her seat, gave her husband a quick kiss and walked out of the office. Zuko's eyes followed her every movement. She could feel them on her.

* * *

The Fire Lord stood up quickly, almost tripping on his own robes as he rushed to the doorway. He stood there and watched his wife walk down the hallway, her retreating form like some sort of terrible omen. She held her body stiffly, her usual grace gone for the moment. That's how Zuko knew that she was suffering. It was as if Mai was trying to squeeze the life out of the pain, smother it somehow by keeping her body rigid and tensed. He stared as she got smaller and smaller, disappearing eventually, swallowed up by yet another corridor. Every time they parted now, even if it was only for a minute, Zuko feared that she wouldn't come back. That's why he watched, memorizing every last thing about her as she moved away from him.

When there was nothing left of Mai but the faint scent of her vanilla jasmine perfume, Zuko retreated to his office again and went back to work, losing himself as best he could in the morass of reports and letters and contracts. They made up one of the few fragile threads that still connected him to sanity.

* * *

Two days later, Mai's brother Tom-Tom, now eighteen years old and busy studying at university in Ba Sing Se, came home for a visit. Tall and slender like Mai, with wide gold eyes and long brown hair pulled back into a topknot, he was a handsome young man. Tom was more outgoing than his sister and more verbose. He'd had a string of girlfriends already, his intellectual sort of charm capturing many hearts at Ba Sing Se's largest school.

He took one look at Mai and demanded to know what was wrong. "You look sick; _are_ you sick?"

Akihiko, who sat on the floor of the sitting room playing happily with brightly painted blocks, gave his uncle a smile before turning his attention back to the random structure he was building.

"I am sick, Tom, and it's bad." Mai bit her lip and avoided looking at her brother.

"What do you mean?" He strode over to the couch where she sat, stopping first to ruffle his nephew's hair and whisper a hello to the boy. His usually cheerful expression was dark now and his mouth was twisted into an ugly frown. "What do you have? Isn't the doctor doing something? Where's Zuko? What about Katara? Do Mom and Dad know?"

"One question at a time would be helpful." Mai ran a hand through her hair and looked up at her brother.

"I'm sorry, Mai." He sat beside her and took her hand, holding it loosely in his. "Tell me everything."

She explained the illness as best she could, what Chiko had prescribed for her, how Zuko and the children were handling everything and that Katara would arrive within the next day or so. "I haven't told Mom and Dad. I can't deal with their crap. They'll blame Zuko for everything or accuse him of not looking after me properly."

"I'll take care of it, Mai. I wish that I could do something else to help." His voice cracked then and Mai pulled him into an embrace. "I don't want to lose you."

"And I don't want to leave my family behind. I'm doing everything that I can. Trying to stay positive is so difficult. But the doctor says that attitude is very important. And we all know that the doctor is always right." She smiled wryly at her brother and gave him a poke in the chest.

"You're strong and brave and you can beat this thing, whatever it is. I know that you can."

"Thanks, brother dear. Come on, let's go see Zuko. His meeting should be finished by now."

She leaned on her brother as they walked through the palace, seeking Zuko out. Akihiko ran ahead, giggling madly and turning to look at his mother and uncle every so often as if inviting them to join in the laughter.

"He's grown since I saw him last," Tom observed. "And he's cuter than ever."

Mai chuckled and then gave her son a wave. "He is a bright light for me, especially right now."

They found Zuko talking with his chief advisor outside the council room. Zuko's face lit up when he spotted his brother-in-law. He loved the young man and his presence could only help Mai.

"Tom, it's good to see you," Zuko called as soon as he dismissed the advisor. "Mai told you everything?"

Tom nodded and the two men exchanged a glance that said more than words ever could.

"I'll bet my brother's hungry; he usually is. Let's get some tea and something to eat. We can have it out in the garden."

"Okay, you go with Tom. I'll take care of everything." Zuko headed to the kitchens, instructed a servant to bring out the food and then followed them outside.

It was another lovely late spring day. They relaxed on the grass while Akihiko dug in the dirt with his hands, making large mounds and then stomping them down with his feet.

"Toph!" he shouted every time a hill was destroyed.

The adults all laughed, Mai reaching over and giving her son an affectionate tap on the behind. "Is that what Toph does?"

"Yess," Akihiko replied. "Toph!"

"Oh no, She has another fan; her head has already swollen to unbearable proportions. Akihiko's adoration will put her over the edge." Mai shook her head and smiled as she thought of one of her best friends. "It's been too long since we saw her. I really should….before….in case…."

Zuko closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was trying to compose himself before he spoke. "You'll be around for a long time yet, but let's invite Toph anyway. I'd like to see her too."

"Look, the food's here." Tom poured his sister some tea and handed her a sandwich, watching her intently as she took tiny bites and chewed with care.

Akihiko climbed onto his uncle's lap and sat there munching away contentedly, holding his sandwich with grimy hands. He looked across at his mother and gave her a huge grin. It was infectious; Mai couldn't help but return it.

* * *

Late the next day, the children heard Appa's bellows and ran to the courtyard, arriving there breathless and excited to see the huge animal. They were happy to see Katara too. She pulled all three children into a warm hug and then pulled back to look at them.

"Wow, what gorgeous kids, and you're so much bigger than you were just a few months ago. Akihiko, I think that you've changed the most." He smiled up at the tan skinned waterbender and she gave him another squeeze. "Where are your mom and dad?"

"They're coming; we ran." Natsumi informed the woman proudly. "Where are Tenzin and Kya?"

"Oh, the kids are with their dad at the Southern Air Temple. I rushed here to see if I can help your mother. Next time, we'll all come, okay?"

"Okay, but I wanted to play with Tenzin. He's my friend." Natsumi's bottom lip stuck out and she crossed her arms over her chest.

"He misses you too, Natsumi. Ah, here come your parents. Why don't you play with Appa for awhile? You remember where his stall is, don't you?" The children all nodded knowingly. "Could you walk with him there and get him settled in. I'm sure he'd love some apples, if you have them."

They didn't need to be asked twice and tore off across the courtyard screaming delightedly.

Katara sucked in her breath as Mai approached. Her friend, a woman she had come to both love and admire over the years, looked so frail. The waterbender had seen her share of disease and illness but its results never ceased to shock her, especially when the affected was someone like Mai, young and hardly sick a day in her life.

"Thank you so much for coming, Katara." Zuko smiled at his old friend.

Katara wrapped her arms around her one time enemy and now dear friend. She whispered words of comfort in his ear. "It'll be all right. Mai's so strong and she has you and the kids to inspire her. Have faith."

Her heart ached for him. Despite the smile he gave her and despite the hopeful mask he wore, Katara sensed sadness so deep, deep enough to swallow the Fire Lord up completely. She couldn't help but think how he would react should the worst happen and Mai die. She shuddered and then turned to Mai, giving her a careful hug.

"Hi, Mai; let's get you inside so I can check you over. I don't know what I can do, but I'll try. The kids are busy with Appa."

"I'll get Chiko. He wants to watch you work, Katara. Is that okay?" Zuko was poised to take off across the courtyard and back into the palace in search of the royal physician.

"Suits me fine." She linked arms with Mai and the two walked along slowly. They talked about Zuko and Aang and their children, but not Mai's illness. There would be time enough for that.


	7. Chapter 7

**Weep Not Too Much**

_**Chapter 7: Disappointment**_

_**Home of Sen and Masami, Mai's and Tom's parents**_

"Stop fussing, Mom. I'm fine." Tom shook off his mother's hand gently and reached for his bowl of beef and dumplings. "How do you think I manage at school all year?"

"A son should never tire of his mother's fussing; no one else will ever love you as much as I do. I don't care how many girls you go through." The woman patted her grey streaked brown hair and stared at her son with knowing eyes. "I wish that you would settle on one, a Fire Nation girl not an Earth Kingdom one."

"We've had this discussion before, Mom. I'll date who I want to date. I like Earth Kingdom girls. I like all girls. What's so bad about that?"

"Your sister was settled at your age." Masami spoke the words as if they were the logical end to the entire argument.

"Yes, and she had Zuko, the love of her life. I don't have a Zuko yet, if you know what I mean." Tom looked exasperated now and pushed his food away. "Besides, I have something much more important to discuss with you."

Sen's head jerked upward when he heard the seriousness of his son's tone. He glanced at his wife and shook his head, willing her to stop the petty discussion and listen to what Tom had to say. "What is it, son?"

"Mai, she's ill." Blunt, to the point, but it got the job done. He looked from one parent to the other, his expression grim.

"Why are _you_ telling us? Why hasn't Zuko? And how ill is she?" Masami grabbed hold of her husband's hand and held on tight.

"It's bad, Mom, so bad that she could die. It's a wasting disease and its centered in her stomach. She's lost weight and can't keep food down very well and she's so tired. Chiko has her drinking two different teas; they relieve pain and help her sleep as well as help her body build up more strength. I think they're doing some good, but there is no guarantee. She's trying so hard to be strong and so is Zuko. He's heartbroken; I've never seen anyone look the way he does. When he thinks that no one is watching him, his face, his eyes, it's like he's haunted."

Masami cried softly and leaned into her husband's shoulder. "But why didn't she tell us? How long has she known about it?"

"Only eight or nine days; she didn't feel up to telling you herself and Zuko's busy tending to Mai and the kids. It doesn't matter, Mom. You know all about it now."

"We want to see her, naturally." Sen spoke in a deep, calm voice but gold eyes betrayed his sadness. "And how are the little ones coping, poor children?"

"They're all right, Dad. Look, let me ask Mai, okay. You guys aren't on the best terms and I won't tolerate you upsetting her. Neither will Zuko."

"Of course," Sen replied easily. He held a hand up to stop Masami from protesting. "We won't barge in or intrude. Simply let Mai know how concerned we are and that we wish to see her and our grandchildren."

"I will; I heard Appa flying overhead not long ago. That means Katara's arrived. I'd like to be there when she attempts to heal Mai. I'll be back later."

Tom got up from the table and placed a kiss on his mother's cheek. He squeezed his father's shoulder and then left, walking quickly back to the palace.

* * *

Mai felt like a circus attraction; she was surrounded on all sides by people poking, prodding and watching intently. Chiko and Kana stood on her left, observing Katara bend water out of her ever present pouch. Zuko stood guard at the end of the bed, his eyes taking in every move that his friend made. Tom, back from his parents' house, sat on a chair and held her right hand while Katara herself, sat on the edge of the bed and began to work.

"Did you tell Mom and Dad?" Mai gave her brother's hand a tug and looked at him sharply.

"Yes, but we can talk about that later." He gave _her_ hand an answering tug.

"Please, everyone be quiet. I need to concentrate." Katara's eyebrows were drawn together and her lips were pursed.

She put her hand, a sheath of water surrounding it, on Mai's bare abdomen. Everyone else held their breath as she pressed down gently, searched for something, found it and then frowned deeply. The healer and master waterbender probed further then closed her eyes, willing every bit of skill and power that she possessed into her hand. Katara was perspiring now, little beads of liquid popping out on her upper lip and forehead.

The Fire Lady felt only a slight tingling sensation as if little sparks were flying off Katara's fingers and down through her skin, entering her body and bouncing off whatever was inside there. It was strangely pleasant and she groaned a bit when the waterbender withdrew her hand and bended the water back into her pouch.

A heavy silence filled with expectation and dread suffused the room now. Everyone looked at Katara intensely and the weight of those looks was almost too much for her to bear. The brown haired woman sighed and met Mai's eyes first.

"I'm sorry, Mai."

"What do you mean you're sorry? Why didn't you_ fix _her? Why didn't you heal my wife?" Zuko shouted the words. His honey coloured eyes blazed with anger and hurt and disappointment. His hands were balled into tight fists and wisps of smoke curled up from them. It had been a long time since he had lost control of his bending like that. "What good are you?" He choked the last words out, his voice thick and hoarse with tears. Turning on his heel, he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

"I'll go talk to him," Katara offered.

"No, let him go. He needs time to himself now. Trust me, I know. I guess that he placed all his hopes on you healing me, Katara. I didn't realize how much he was counting on you. He didn't mean what he said. He's angry but he'll get over it."

"It's okay. I understand. If something were to happen to Aang, I would go crazy. Let me explain what I felt inside you, Mai." Her blue eyes sought out everyone in the room, and once their attention was hers she continued. "It's like something has attached itself to you with tentacles and they're all clutching onto you, worming their way deeper inside. I can't break the hold whatever this is has on you. It's strong, Mai, really strong and it doesn't want to relinquish you. That sounds dramatic, but it's the only way I have to explain it." Katara put her tan coloured hand on top of Mai's pale one. "I want to try again tomorrow. Maybe after a few attempts, the sickness's hold on you will weaken."

"You can feel all that?" Chiko asked. "A marvel, that's what you are."

"No, I'm not. I'm just as helpless as everyone else. Maybe it really is up to you, Mai. Fight this thing. Kick it out. It doesn't belong inside you."

"It's hard to fight when I'm so tired but…"

"But you will." Tom finished her sentence. "You can do it, sis. Fight this like you fought for Zuko."

That brought a wry smile to Mai's lips. "When did you get all grown up and inspirational?"

Tom reflected his sister's smile back to her. "I've been that way for years now; you just haven't been paying attention, Mai."

"Ah, so that's it."

Chiko cut in, politely asking Mai's brother to move aside so that Kana could check the patient's pulse. The young woman held Mai's wrist gently, placing her thumb on the pulse point. "It's strong." Kana smiled happily.

"Well, that's something, I suppose. I'm not dead yet." Mai's quip earned her glares instead of chuckles and she immediately felt bad for opening her mouth at all. Apparently no one was quite ready to joke about her illness yet. It helped Mai fight back the dark, though. Making light of it put the disease in its place.

"I'd like to spend a few minutes with Mai, if that's all right with everyone." Katara looked at Mai when she spoke. The Fire Lady nodded.

"You heard her; Tom, I'll see you in a bit. Chiko, I'm sure that I'll see _you _tomorrow."

"Indeed you will, first thing in the morning. Take care, dear."

* * *

The room emptied out, leaving Mai and Katara. The waterbender didn't say anything at first. She simply watched her friend and tried her best to imagine herself in the same position. Just doing that filled her with terror. Mai must be suffering terribly.

"So, anything in particular you want to talk about?" Mai adjusted her shirt and then sat up, a wall of pillows behind her back.

"Are you angry with me?"

"What? No, you did your best. Honestly, I wasn't expecting much." The black haired woman peered into Katara's eyes, making sure she knew her words were honest ones.

"Good; so how do you really feel, Mai? What can I do to help?"

"I'm pissed off at this stupid thing for trying its best to kill me, I'm scared of getting so sick that I'm bedridden, and I'm worried about Zuko and the children. I don't want to leave them behind. And do you know what's really strange?"

"What?" Katara asked curiously.

"I want sex, I mean _all _the time. I think about it every time I look at Zuko. What does that say about me?"

The waterbender giggled. "I think it says that you have a healthy sex drive and a healthy marriage." Her face grew serious. "And I think it means that you need closeness. It's comforting and makes you feel alive."

"Hmmm, not weird then?"

"I don't think so. What about the pain?" Katara was holding Mai's hand now and brushing thick bangs back from the Fire Lady's forehead, an overwhelming sense of protectiveness having struck her.

"The pain is always there now, just more manageable at some times than at other times. Can we talk about something a bit more uplifting? Tell me all about Tenzin and Kya. How's the airbending coming along?"

Katara didn't persist, instead launching into tales of her two children, the pride and love in her voice recognizable to Mai. She'd heard the same in her voice and Zuko's many times. Eventually, Mai drifted into sleep. Katara pulled up the blanket, took one last look at her friend and then left. Zuko was somewhere, angry and hurt and in need of a friend himself. She would find him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Weep Not Too Much**

_**Chapter 8: Bonds**_

Zuko turned to fire, his element, and a basic part of him, looking for something to soothe him, calm him, make the feeling of disappointment and despair go away if only for a few minutes. He stood shirtless and shoeless in the courtyard he had years ago designated for training; his, Mai's and that of his children. Daylight was waning, but the air was still warm, and rivulets of sweat ran down his chest and back. He swiped at the dampness on his forehead with the back of his hand before it could trickle further down and sting his eyes.

He had been bending for a solid hour now without rest, pushing himself to his limits and beyond. But it wasn't enough. He could still feel. And Zuko didn't want to feel. He wanted to be numb. Perhaps that way he could go one, live his life, tend to his children without breaking into an infinitesimal number of pieces, all scattered whichever way in the wind.

Sucking in a deep gulp of air, he began to move again; he performed basic katas he'd know since the early years of his firebending, he danced the dragon dance, made fire whips and loops and balls, did hot squats and blew out the breath of fire.

So intent was he on exhausting himself, that Katara's presence went unnoticed by the Fire Lord. She watched with a deep sadness as her friend struggled. When she figured that he'd had enough, the waterbender called out to him. She had no intention of approaching Zuko while firebending that furiously. Capable as she was, Zuko was acting irrationally now and might very well shoot fire at _her_.

"Zuko," she shouted again, edging forward a little bit.

He whirled around at the sound of her voice then, angry at being interrupted. Spirits, there was so much anger there. It almost frightened Katara.

"I don't want to talk; talking will not make Mai better. I need to work through this in my own way. Just leave me alone."

"Please, Zuko; you're not doing yourself any good." She was pleading now, thinking about how Mai would react to Zuko's overzealous training.

"What do_ you_ know about what's good for me? You couldn't do anything for Mai. What's the point of anything anymore? If Mai's not with me…"

"You idiot!" Katara marched over to the Fire Lord, timid no longer, and slapped him hard across the face. "Mai needs you, your kids need you. Stop being so damn selfish and be a husband and a father. It's not all about _you_ and _your_ pain, Zuko. I know that you're hurting and I know exactly what Mai means to you. Aang means the same to me."

Zuko stuck his jaw out stubbornly and glared at his friend for a full minute before finally dropping his head into his hands. "I'm sorry, Katara. I'm sorry for what I said to you."

He began to cry then, a horrible wrenching cry that broke the waterbender's heart. She took him into her arms and crooned to him as she would to one of her children. "You'll be okay. You've got lots of people who love you. And Mai's still here. You've got to love her and take care of her. She might just pull through you know. Do you have any idea just how much your wife loves you and your children? Do you have any idea just how much she wants to stay here with all of you?"

"Y, yes," Zuko hiccoughed. "Agni, what is wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you; you adore your wife. How could that possibly be wrong?" She picked up her friend's tunic then and handed it to him. "Go inside and get washed up and see Mai. I'll make sure the kids get dinner and you can see them later. Okay?"

He nodded like a small, lost and forlorn child and headed back into the palace. Katara sighed and walked toward Appa's stall in search of three children who also needed attention. It would be a long night.

* * *

Their room was growing dim with the fading light. Zuko couldn't see Mai's features clearly as she lay sleeping on their bed and a cold, primal fear crawled under his skin. It pinged and prickled as his heart rate increased and he began to sweat again.

"Mai," he barely choked out.

He approached the bed slowly, unsure what to expect. She moved then, a slight twisting of her head, and Zuko breathed a huge ragged sigh of relief. The closer he got the more defined her features became. 'How is it possible for one woman to be so beautiful?' he asked himself as he brushed burning lips against her cool forehead and then retreated to the bathroom.

The Fire Lord felt better after a quick bath and a change of clothes. He slid onto the bed beside Mai and waited patiently for her to wake up. He was rewarded a few minutes later with a wry smirk and the feel of her hand on his.

"Glad you're here." Her smile widened and she tugged at the waistband of his loose pants, drawing him downwards into a passionate kiss. "Want you." Her voice was thick like honey, warm with desire and it went straight to Zuko's groin, stirring his_ own_ passion, always there right beneath the surface.

"Are you sure? Are you up to it?" Zuko shook his head, clearing the heavy fog of lust for a moment.

"Yes, please, I need you." She tugged harder at his pants and ran a finger down the length of him.

That was all the invitation Zuko needed. He stood up, slipped out of his clothes and pulled back the covers. Pushing aside his own wants, he took care of Mai, bringing her to completion twice before entering her.

Mai's body thrummed with need and pleasure. She reveled in the closeness with her husband, touching him everywhere, stroking, pinching, rubbing, kissing. It was more intense than _any _of their previous lovemaking, almost spiritual. Somehow, they both put their entire souls into it. But neither spoke aloud the fear that each had; would it be the last time they lay together?

* * *

"Are you hungry?" Zuko woke from a light doze and kissed Mai lazily on the mouth. "I'll get us something. Katara's with the children."

"A bit, I suppose. But let's go to the kitchen. And I want to see the kids."

Mai stretched and got up from the bed, dressing herself and running a brush through her thick black hair. Checking her face in the mirror, she pinched some colour into her cheeks and then looked to her husband.

"I'm ready," he answered her unspoken question.

Hand in hand, still flushed feeling from their lovemaking, the couple walked easily down corridors and stairs to the kitchen where leftovers from dinner had been considerately left. Mai poked at the dishes and chose the one she wanted.

"Looks good," Zuko declared. He served Mai a small portion hoping that she would eat it all.

They ate slowly, more for Mai's sake than for Zuko's. It helped her to chew everything thoroughly, concentrating on the food's flavors, taking pleasure from every tiny bite. When she had had enough, Mai moved back from the small table and stretched again. Zuko continued to eat for awhile, his appetite large thanks to training and sex. She watched him, a slight smile on her face.

"Did you talk to Katara?" Mai finally asked.

"Yeah, things are fine now. Don't worry." He looked momentarily ashamed but Mai didn't push. As long as her husband and her friend worked things out it didn't really matter what had happened.

When he finished his dinner, they went in search of their children, finding them all gathered in Katara's room, the one her and Aang always stayed in during their visits. Akihiko was sitting comfortably on Katara's lap while Yasahiro did homework at the table and Natsumi painted a picture.

All three dropped what they were doing and ran to their parents. Zukp swept their little boy into his arms and peppered his head with kisses. It felt good to hold his solid little body, the warmth from him seeping into Zuko's chest. Natsumi clung to her mother, arms wrapped around her hips, while Mai stroked the girl's hair. The oldest and trying desperately to act mature, Yasahiro hung back and just looked at his parents, patiently waiting his turn.

"Come here, Yasahiro; tell me about school. How was your day?" Mai opened her arm to the boy and he went, settling himself against her hip and pressing his head against her side.

"It was good. We read a really funny story and we had races and we learned about avatars in history." His face was shining with happiness now. Yasahiro loved school, every part of it, even conflicts with other students. It made him feel like a part of something, it made him feel like a regular ten year old boy.

"I'm glad that you enjoyed your day, but you always do." Mai chuckled and kissed the boy's head. "Katara got you your supper, right?"

Mai gave her friend a grateful glance and the waterbender smiled in return.

"Yeah, we ate. And we got to feed Appa today. I wish we could have a pet like him." Yasahiro's voice sounded wistful now. "He's so cool."

"I fed him, Mommy," Natsumi finally spoke. "Appa likes me."

"Of course he does. Who wouldn't like you, Natsumi?"

The girl smiled her pleasure at the compliment and buried herself deeper into her mother's side. They stood like that, talking about simple, daily events for a long time, all of them basking in the simple joy that the activity brought. When Mai looked up from her children again, there was tea waiting for them on the table. Katara beckoned them over and poured a cup for everyone but Akihiko.

"Thank you, Katara, for being here." Zuko put a hand on the woman's shoulder briefly and then sat down to enjoy the tea, his family spread out before him, jewels all of them, precious and rare. He would fight to the death for each one, gladly.

* * *

Later that evening, after the children slept and soft snores emerged from the bed where Zuko was spread out, legs open and arms above his head, Mai tiptoed over to the desk, lit a lamp and took out some writing paper. She needed to tell her uncle about the illness. Of all her relatives, and there weren't many, _he_ was the one who supported her through everything, and encouraged her in all that she undertook. Tom was like that now, but Mai was alive for thirteen long, lonely years before her brother came along. Besides, it wasn't until years after the war ended, that _their _bond formed.

_Dear Uncle,_

_I should have written sooner but, well, I'm going through a bit of a bad time._

Mai put the brush down on its holder and thought for a minute. She laughed softly to herself and imagined the burly man reading that first line and automatically assuming that she and Zuko were fighting. That would be easier to deal with. With a sigh, she began again. It took her an hour to come up with the right words and by the time she was finished, exhaustion had set in. She left the letter open to dry. It would be ready to send as soon as she rose the following morning.

Extinguishing the lamp, Mai walked back to the bed and slipped under the covers, moving as close to Zuko as she could get. Within minutes she slept.


	9. Chapter 9

**Weep Not Too Much**

_**Chapter Nine: Family**_

Nausea hit Mai hard the next morning and she was leaning over a basin, pale and trembling when Zuko got up.

"Agni, Mai, let me help you." His face was strained looking and his eyes full of concern.

"I know how to throw up; not much you can help me with there. Just go take care of the kids until I work my way through this."

Zuko pushed her long ebony hair aside and kissed her damp neck. "I'll be back shortly with some of your tea and some dry bread."

Mai nodded and then heaved again. She was still there when Zuko entered the bathroom again. He placed soothing hands on her back and began to rub, moving slowly up and down, easing his wife's trembles. "Katara and the kids are having breakfast. As soon as Natsumi and Yasahiro are off to school, she'll bring Akihiko here and work on you again."

"Fine; I think I can get up now." Her legs were weak and her face was drawn looking, the dark circles under her eyes even more pronounced. She grabbed hold of Zuko's hand and they walked out into the other room.

"Here, sit." He guided Mai to the sofa. On the table was a tray with the promised tea and bread. Mai reached for her cup and held it between both hands; the warmth seeping into her skin felt comforting. She brought the cup to her lips under Zuko's watchful gaze and then dutifully took a few bites of the bread.

When he was satisfied that she was eating, he went back to the bathroom, heated some water, and dipped a facecloth into it. Emerging again, he strode to the sofa and sat down beside his wife, gently wiping off her face and mouth.

"I feel like a child," Mai grumbled, but made no move to stop him.

It felt good like the cup in her hands. Suddenly she craved warmth everywhere and pushed herself into Zuko's chest. Instinctively he wrapped strong arms around her, bending some extra heat into his hands and rubbing her again.

"Better? I can make my hands warmer." He kissed her head and she sighed contentedly.

"Mmm, no, feels perfect. Thank you."

* * *

Katara's knock disrupted the tender moment and it was with reluctance that Zuko finally got up and opened the door. A little bundle of energy wrapped in the body of a three year old boy charged at Zuko, grinning for all that he was worth.

"Hi, Daddy."

"Hi, Akihiko, how are you this morning?" The Fire Lord bent down and chucked his son under the chin. "Did you have a good breakfast with Katara?"

"Yes," he replied, nodding his head.

"Why don't you come and sit with Mommy for a minute then?"

"K." He climbed up beside Mai and snuggled against her side.

"Hello, sweetie." She covered his head with kisses and then ran a hand through his soft hair. "Do you think you can make me a picture while Katara helps me?"

"Yeah!" His eyes were big and round and excited now and he ran to the desk where the paper and ink were kept.

'Whoa, let me get things set up for you, Akihiko." Zuko helped the boy up onto the chair, pulled out a crisp white sheet of paper, moving Mai's letter to her uncle aside and then took out the brush and the ink. "Remember how I showed you before?"

"I 'member," the little boy replied immediately and began to make squiggly lines on the paper.

Zuko brought the letter over to Mai. "I'll call a servant and have this sent right away. It's for your uncle?"

"Yeah, thanks. He needs to know what's going on."

With the letter on its way, Mai dropped down onto the bed and let Katara get to work. The waterbender sought out the source of Mai's illness again and saturated the spot with her healing powers. She hovered over her friend for a full hour before finally dropping her hands in exhaustion and letting out a huge sigh.

"I can't do anymore; I've never concentrated so hard on anything and it just won't budge. Oh, Mai, I feel so useless." The waterbender's eyes filled with tears and they spilled down her cheeks, dropping onto the blue fabric of her light tunic.

"Stop; I appreciate you trying at all. And don't you dare feel guilty." She took Katara's hand briefly and squeezed. "Thank you."

"What am I supposed to do now?" the woman asked.

"Go home to Aang and your children. I'm sure they miss you. You've done all that you can. There's no point in you staying any longer."

"But, Mai…."

"Leave tomorrow morning. The kids will want to say goodbye to you. Is that all right?" Zuko spoke up then.

"Fine, I'll go get my things together. Dinner tonight, all of us?"

"Yes, I'd like that," Mai replied. She and Zuko watched as their friend, her steps heavy, left the room. "Akihiko, how's my picture coming?" The little boy held up a mess of lines and shapes with ink stained hands and Mai giggled. "It's perfect."

* * *

Tom visited in the afternoon, shortly after lunch, and told Mai about their parents' reactions to the news of her illness.

"Can I tell them to come on over? I wanted to ask you first." He looked at Mai keenly, gauging_ her_ reaction.

"Yes, it's fine. In fact, now would be a good time. I'm feeling much better than I did this morning. Send a servant over, Tom."

"Yes, my lady," the young man said with a smirk.

Half an hour later, Sen and Masami walked into the small sitting room where Tom sat beside Mai on a sofa and Akihiko played contentedly on the floor. Zuko was in a meeting and Mai was glad of it. He didn't need to hear her parents' inevitable underhanded remarks about his abilities as husband, father and Fire Lord.

"Mom, Dad, sit down. Tea and biscuits are on the way."

"You look awful." Masami's words were blunt and cut sharply, no matter how used to them Mai was.

"Wow, it's good to see you as well, Mom. What did you expect me to look like? I'm ill, for Agni's sake." The Fire Lady's hands tightened into fists and she could feel her nails digging into the soft flesh of her palms.

"I'm sorry, Mai. It's a shock. You could have told us yourself, instead of letting your brother do it."

"Believe it or not, neither of you were on my mind. You know now, so stop complaining. I'm not in the mood for your crap."

Akihiko moved over to his mother and sat protectively at her feet. He gave his grandparents a glare that was as harsh as any Mai had ever given. Tom smiled at the boy, trying to ease his tension. The toddler smiled back and leaned against Mai's legs.

"Well, what does the royal physician say? And what is that husband of yours doing to help you?" Masami shifted her gaze between her son and her daughter and waited for a reply.

"I already told you everything, Mom. Can't you just spend some time with Mai and Akihiko?"

Masami looked down at the boy as if seeing him for the first time. She smoothed out her delicate red silk dress and beckoned for the boy to come over. He did, albeit with some hesitation. "Let me have a look at you? You're a handsome child. What are you playing with over there?"

"Blocks…wanna see?" He tugged on her hand with surprising strength. For once, Masami went with the flow and sat herself down on the carpet with her grandson, watching as he built towers and then knocked them down again, the whole process impossibly delightful for him. She made her own tower, taller than Akihiko's and let him destroy it, joining him in a fit of silly laughter.

"Dad, you're not saying anything." Mai spoke the words softly and moved to sit beside the man.

Her father was her favorite, though she wasn't particularly close to either parent. Though his expectations for Mai had been the same as Masami's, his words had never cut deeply like hers did and he sometimes showed her genuine affection. They had even enjoyed a routine of reading together when Mai was around seven and eight years of age. Those memories were sweet ones, and Mai kept them tucked away in her mind, like little treasures.

"I, I'm not sure what to say, dear. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. What can your mother and I do to help?" He took Mai's and held it between both of his. His brown eyes were sorrowful as he examined his daughter, taking in her bony frame and her dull eyes.

"Well, you can _not_ blame Zuko for one thing. I know that you both want to and it's ridiculous. He didn't make me sick and he's doing everything that he can to help me. You can pitch in with the children. Maybe they could spend a day with you. Could you handle that? They're busy and noisy sometimes and full of energy."

"Your mother and I would like that." He caught his wife's eye and she nodded her agreement. "Anytime Mai; just let us know."

"Good, thank you; that_ is_ a big help."

They spent a pleasant sort of hour together, drinking tea and eating biscuits while everyone showered Akihiko with attention. He lapped it up like a typical three year old, running about the room from one person to the other, showing off whatever he had built or drawn or seen in one of his books. Mai was pleased that the visit went well, better than she had ever expected.

* * *

"I guess getting sick is the way to a better relationship with your parents." Mai took Tom's arm and he walked her back to her rooms.

"Sadly, yes, it probably is. People need a push sometimes. Mom and Dad just got theirs."

Mai looked at her brother closely; her lips quirked upward in a wry smile. He really was a wonder, this eighteen year old man, so wise in so many ways and such a comfort to her. When he was born she looked at him as nothing but a whining, drooling nuisance, thirteen years her junior. He had taken the focus off her and for that he had been useful, but Mai was ashamed to admit that she hadn't really liked him. And she made no attempt to bond with the baby or the toddler. It wasn't until a year or so after the war, when Tom was almost four that she reached out. Mai had been rewarded tenfold and was so grateful now to have this brother in her life.

"Um, Mai, you're staring at me; do I have cookie all over my face?"

"No, I was remembering when you were a baby. You were undeniably cute, but I didn't think much of you then."

"So you've said," Tom chuckled. "That doesn't matter anymore."

"No, I suppose it doesn't. I'm glad that you're here for awhile, Tom. It helps." Mai leaned against her brother's shoulder and breathed in deeply. She really was lucky in so many ways.


	10. Chapter 10

**Weep Not Too Much**

_**Chapter 10: Uncles**_

Mai's uncle was her mother's brother, a brusque, stern man who appreciated rules and order. He had a sense of humor, if you dug down far enough, and when he loved you, he loved you with tremendous ferocity and remained loyal no matter what. He could also be rude and excessively harsh, especially to people whom he deemed unworthy and those who may have hurt one of the few people he cared for. Mai considered herself fortunate to be on her uncle's good side.

His name was Junichi Morioka and the first time he laid eyes on Mai, she was just three days old, with a full head of black hair and the palest skin that he had ever seen. Her narrow gold eyes had looked up at him and her miniature fingers had grabbed onto his with surprising strength. Childless himself, he was in love from that moment, though those particular words would never cross his lips for anyone but Mai.

He didn't see her often enough, but when he did, Mai would brighten considerably. The little girl, shy and quiet, would finally come out from behind that stiff mask of cool and calm that she had worn from the time she could form complete sentences. Junichi understood his sister's desire to raise a good, decent noble girl. But she took things to extremes, blocking Mai at every turn until the little girl just gave up and retreated into herself.

His beautiful niece reminded him often of a porcelain doll, those expensive, well made ones that you could purchase only at the finest shops. He never bought her a doll; but he did buy her a knife and he showed her how to use it. Gold eyes lit up _then_. Mai was good, a natural and suddenly she had something that was hers alone, something she excelled at, something she could practice at home. Her gratitude for that small gesture never wavered and Mai's love for her uncle was true and strong.

Too bad he didn't care much for Zuko. It wasn't that he hated the Fire Lord. It was simply this; once Zuko had broken Mai's heart and _that_ he could not forgive no matter the reasons or the circumstances or the thirteen years of wedded happiness. Zuko didn't care anymore. He treated Junichi well and ignored his barbed remarks. Years of practice had finally given Zuko the ability to let things roll off his back. There were even things that he admired about the man. And Mai loved him; that was enough for Zuko.

* * *

"I just got a letter from my uncle, Zuko. He'll be here this afternoon. Be nice. I don't want any arguing." Mai gave her husband one of her patented glares that showed she meant business.

"I won't argue with him. I won't even talk to him if you don't want. But we've got a bigger problem."

"What do you mean?" Mai sighed. "Has one of the children done something?"

"No, no, but Uncle Iroh's arriving this afternoon as well. We both know how well those two get along. I'll have a talk with him, okay." Zuko moved to where Mai rested on the bed, the remains of her tiny breakfast still sitting on the discarded tray that he had brought for her. He kissed her temple and then her lips, lingering there, tasting the sweetness of cherry preserves that still stained her mouth. "I'll do whatever you need me to. Just ask."

Mai reached for his hand and held on tight. "I know and that's one of the many reasons I love you. You should get to work now. I know how you fret. Let me get a bath and get dressed, then I'll grab Akihiko and we can spend some time outside."

"Sounds good," Zuko agreed. He kissed her again, always afraid now to let go. "I'll see you soon."

"Mmmmhmmm." The Fire Lady watched until Zuko closed the door behind him.

She went to the bathroom then, walking slowly, clutching her abdomen in an attempt to keep the food where it belonged. Once her bath was drawn, Mai sat on the edge of the huge tub and moved her feet back and forth in the water. She added Zuko's favorite scent, a wonderful almond and cherry, and then eased herself into the warm water.

Agni, the heat felt good against her skin. It seeped into her muscles and bones, soothing her body and making her feel drowsy. Mai allowed herself to close her eyes and sleep, just for a few minutes. When she opened them again, her fingers and toes were puckered looking but she felt good.

Since company was coming (both men would laugh at being called that) she chose something pretty to wear, a dress of pale mauve that was looser than when she had last worn it. Sighing, she tied a dark grey sash around her waist and then checked her reflection in the mirror. It would have to do.

She brushed out her hair and let it hang loose, placing a simple clip above one ear. Mai touched the pretty piece and recalled the day that Zuko had given it to her. He was a romantic at heart, a sap even and Mai loved him all the more for it. It was an anniversary, their second, and Mai had insisted on keeping their celebrations austere and minimal. Their_ first_ anniversary had been a riotous affair with all their friends attending. Gifts were unnecessary; she had reminded Zuko time after time. But he had found the hairpiece at a tiny shop in the city and couldn't resist. "Here," he had said. "I kept it simple. I didn't wrap it."

Mai laughed softly and touched the clip again. It was a good memory, one of so very many that she had. She left the room and went to Akihiko's where he was playing happily with his toys, the nanny looking on.

"I'll take him now. Thanks, Midori." Mai reached down for her youngest child's hand.

He took it eagerly, curling his warm little fingers around hers. "We go see Daddy?"

"Yes, Daddy is waiting. And Uncle Iroh and Uncle Junichi are both coming to see us today. What do you think of that?"

Mai watched the boy's face with amusement. He loved his great uncles. Well, he pretty much loved everybody, but those two older men held onto a special little place in his little heart.

"Yay!" was the best word he could find to express his joy.

"Now, if only we could keep them apart," Mai muttered under her breath.

* * *

Iroh, once a feared general in the Fire Nation military, once the heir to the Fire Lord's throne, and once a 'traitor' to his nation, was now the proud owner of a tea shop, happy and fulfilled in his life and ecstatic that his nephew had found the happiness that was, for those years of his banishment, so very elusive to him. He spoiled his great nephews and great niece, but not excessively. They were fine children, typical of their ages and so wonderfully normal and well adjusted that Iroh couldn't help but be proud of Zuko and Mai.

When he opened Zuko's letter a few days earlier, he had felt his typical pleasure at hearing from his nephew. They exchanged letters frequently and each visited the other four times a year, making for _eight_ week long visits. With distance and responsibilities, that was all that they could manage. They made the most of each get together; Zuko and Mai and the children would help out in the tea shop. He loved teaching them about the business and about one of his greatest loves, tea. And when he visited the Fire Nation, Iroh helped out with homework, played games with the children and gave them some special 'Dragon of the West' one on one training.

He expected a letter detailing daily life in the palace or something exciting or unusual that had happened. But when he read of Mai's illness and its seriousness, he almost collapsed. She was so young and vital, such an important part of his life and more importantly, of his nephew's. Zuko's grief and pain radiated off the crisp, white scroll and the smeared ink was evidence of the Fire Lord's tears.

"Oh!" The exclamation came out like a gutteral grunt, as if the air had been knocked out of his lungs.

He fumbled his way to a chair and sat, his head hanging down, long grey braid falling forward. Tears welled in his eyes and it felt to him as if someone was squeezing his heart tightly. The tea shop wouldn't open for another hour but Iroh would leave that to his trusted assistant today and for the next few weeks. He had travel plans to make. The old man hoped that he would get there in time and he prayed as he had never prayed before. Mai, though slight and delicate looking, was strong and could very well defeat this interloper that had invaded her body. Zuko was strong too but when it came to his wife he sometimes lost all sense of reason. This would be one of those times.

* * *

Mai sat with her face upturned, enjoying the feel of sunlight on her skin. She seemed to crave warmth lately as much as she craved intimacy with Zuko. Her husband and son played with a ball, Zuko rolling it to the boy and Akihiko tossing it back clumsily, giggling all the while. The sound of his laughter was sweeter than almost anything and it filled Mai up like few things could.

"Watch, Mommy!" The boy's shrill demand jerked Mai out of her reverie.

She cracked one eye open, then the other and finally straightened her head. "I can see you."

Akihiko pulled back his arm and threw the soft ball with all his might. It hit Zuko in the chest and the Fire Lord fell down in mock defeat, clutching his robes frantically and moaning in fake pain.

"Got you, Daddy!" the boy shrieked and took a running leap at the body stretched out on the grass.

Mai rolled her eyes at Zuko's antics then giggled herself when their son's knee came a little too close to her husband's more delicate parts. Zuko groaned for real this time and gently lifted Akihiko off.

"You won't be laughing when you need those parts." He huffed indignantly and threw Mai what he hoped looked like a dark glare. It came across as more of a grimace and Mai chuckled once more.

"I can take care of those parts later." Her voice was thick with suggestion and despite his discomfort Zuko felt a twitching down below.

"I'll take you up on that, guaranteed." His gravelly voice was deeper than usual and his eyes smoldered now.

"Daddy, you okay?" Akihiko asked with concern in his gold eyes. "I hurt you?"'

"I'm just fine." He grabbed the boy and set him down on his lap. "Wanna play some more?"

"Can we play too?" Iroh's warm voice made Zuko's heart leap with joy.

Iroh along with Junichi entered the gardens, walking side by side, neither one looking angry. That was some sort of miracle in itself. But it looked as though the two had been talking as well.

"You're both here. Come sit." Mai indicated the bench and adjusted herself so that there was room for each man.

Iroh wore simple robes of Earth Kingdom green. He didn't even own any Fire Nation clothing anymore. His smile was bright and cheerful though his eyes gave away the sadness that he felt. Mai's uncle, resplendent in deep reds and golds, took Mai's hand and looked into her eyes.

"Should you be out here? Isn't bed a better place for you?" He turned narrowed eyes on Zuko then as if blaming the Fire Lord for both Mai's condition and not making her rest.

He meant well, but Junichi's rough tone irritated Mai. "I will not spend my days in bed. I'm enjoying some time with my husband and son. Don't start!"

Akihiko scrambled off Zuko's lap and climbed up onto Mai's instead. He gazed at his two great uncles carefully.

"Now, now, Junichi, I'm sure that your niece knows what is best for her. It's her body, after all."

"Iroh, sometimes sick people need to be guided a bit. And I know Mai better than you do."

"Here we go," Mai muttered to herself.

She pulled her son close, placing a kiss on his head and looked over at Zuko. They both shrugged.


	11. Chapter 11

**Weep Not Too Much**

_**Chapter 11: Common Ground**_

Mai had a headache, a bad headache. She was holed up in her room now, the curtains closed to block out the bright sunlight of late afternoon and a cup of tea in her hand. Zuko had made it for her, after giving both Iroh and Junichi a tongue lashing. She'd never heard her husband speak to his beloved uncle that way before. But the two older men had acted like children, misbehaved ones at that, and Zuko would not tolerate them upsetting her.

The men, both feeling suitably chastised, had retreated to their rooms to contemplate their behavior, much like her three children when they acted inappropriately. Mai chuckled at the thought. Iroh was seventy five years old and her uncle fifty eight. She wondered when she should let them out.

Mai looked up when Zuko opened the door slowly and nodded her head, giving him permission to enter.

"How's the headache?" He climbed up onto the bed beside her, getting as close to her body as he could.

"Mmm, still there, but a little less insistent. The tea helped." She put the cup down on the bedside table and curled up against Zuko's warm body, laying her head on his chest.

The Fire Lord ran his fingers through his wife's hair, massaging her scalp with slightly heated fingertips. "It was my uncle's suggestion. He feels bad and so does_ your_ uncle. I'm pretty sure they'll behave at dinner tonight."

Mai listened to Zuko's heartbeat. The steady thump thump relaxed her even more than Zuko's fingers and she felt her eyes slide shut. "I hope so. Are the kids home from school yet?"

"Yeah; Tom came over to see Junichi, so he's watching them. Hey, sleep if you need to." He could feel Mai's muscles loosen and her entire body sort of melt into his.

"No, I want to have dinner with everyone. I haven't even seen Natsumi or Yasahiro today. I'll be fine. Just let me snuggle here for a few minutes. You feel so good. You always feel so good."

Zuko smiled at that and kissed the top of her head. He loved the feel of her hair against his lips and its silky smoothness between his fingers. "Sure, I think I can handle that."

* * *

After about ten glorious minutes, Mai forced herself to get up. She straightened her dress and brushed out her hair again, adjusting her favorite hairpiece.

"You haven't worn that for awhile," Zuko remarked. He kissed her neck then, letting his lips linger on the fluttering of her pulse, and stared at his wife in the mirror. "You look beautiful."

Mai gave him an eye roll. "I had it on earlier."

"Yeah, I know, but I didn't comment on it. I remember when I found it in that run down little store. It was like a gem among common rocks and I thought of you immediately."

"I remember too. I'm ready to go. And I could eat."

Zuko never imagined a day when those few words would make him so happy. "Good; Sun was outdoing herself in the kitchen. There's something for everyone."

Mai grabbed a hold of Zuko's hand and walked out of their rooms and down the corridors standing straight and tall and proud. She would enjoy this meal and this time with the people whom she loved. She would make the most of every minute. Mai had done a lot of thinking over the past few days. She had contemplated her death and what it would mean to her family. That wasn't easy thinking but something she had needed to do. After the dark thoughts and ruminations, Mai had decided to simply live every day, trying her best to not let the weight that pressed down on her ruin them. That was easier said than done, but she could be as determined as her husband. And everyone knew just how determined Zuko was.

As soon as Mai entered the dining room, Iroh rose from his seat next to Yasahiro, bowed deeply and expressed his sorrow for his earlier behavior.

"Please accept my apologies, my dear. You don't need the added stress of an old man acting like a fool and picking fights with your uncle. I came here to enjoy your company not to spoil your day."

"Iroh, it's fine, really. I kind of expected it from both of you. Uncle Junichi and you could never agree on anything."

"That's not quite true, Mai. Both Iroh and I love you. We'll work from there, okay?" Junichi was standing now too and guided Mai to her seat, deliberately taking her from Zuko.

The Fire Lord sighed and found his own chair, Mai on one side and Natsumi on the other.

"Fine, fine, whatever works for the two of you. Hello Tom; I'm glad that you're here. She rested her hand on her brother's shoulder for a moment then spoke to each of her children, ruffling hair and dispensing with kisses. "I'm sorry I missed you this morning. I slept late again."

"It's okay, Mom. You need lots of rest so that you can get better." Yasahiro smiled at her brightly and proceeded to tell her about his day at school.

Junichi pulled out her chair and Mai slipped into her seat, letting the sounds of her family surround her. With the two uncles on their best behavior, avoiding conversation with each other, the dinner was immensely enjoyable. Tom told stories of his life at university, some of them edited for the sake of the children, while Junichi told prison tales, also edited. What everyone loved best were Iroh's stories of the people who frequented his tea shop, people of all classes and types and occupations. He really was enjoying his life now, doing what he always dreamed of, though as a young man, he had kept that decidedly un-prince like dream to himself.

Mai gamely ploughed through her meal, finishing her soup and eating most of her meat and vegetables. Though he tried to hide it, Zuko snuck peeks at her frequently, watching her eat, silently thanking Agni that she had an appetite for once.

Placing her hand on top of his, Mai caught her husband's attention. "I can feel you looking at me. I'll eat what I can eat. There's no need for you to keep checking. I know how much you worry and I appreciate it, but please stop. It makes me feel uncomfortable."

"I, I'm sorry, Mai," Zuko spluttered. "It's hard for me not to."

Under the table, he stroked her thigh with his free hand. The warmth of her skin radiated up through the thin silk of her dress and they both bit back groans of pleasure.

"Um, Zuko," Mai whispered. "You'd better stop or we'll have to leave and find a private place close by. And I don't want to leave the dinner table just yet."

Reluctantly, the Fire Lord removed his hand and Mai breathed in deeply then swallowed hard.

"Are you all right, Mai?" Junichi looked at her quizzically from across the table.

"Um, yeah, I'm fine."

She _was_ fine; her body tingled everywhere, little delicious sparks of sensation moving up and down her skin and deeper, right into her very core. It seemed that her body was in an almost constant state of semi arousal and one little touch from Zuko could send her reeling.

Aware of Mai's condition, Zuko became aroused himself. His skin was slightly flushed and he was warmer than was normal. His loose trousers tightened down front and he wanted nothing more than to touch himself, provide some sort of relief. Fifteen years later and he was as eager to be with his wife as he was on their honeymoon.

He fought for control and eventually won. Taking a deep swig from his glass of water, he looked around the table, wondering if anyone had noticed his situation. Leave it to Iroh.

"Nephew, you seem flushed. You're not coming down with something, I hope."

"No, I'm just feeling a bit warm. It must be the soup."

The soup had been taken away more than half an hour earlier. It definitely wasn't that and Iroh knew it. With a smirk and a little wink, the wise old tea maker dropped the subject.

* * *

The dinner lingered on; dessert and tea coming next. The children, a bit restless from sitting still for so long, were given permission to play out in the hallway. The sounds of their laughter and silly talk and little feet running down the corridor, brightened everyone's mood considerably.

"Uncle Junichi and Iroh, I'd like to talk with both of you, if that's alright. Zuko and Tom can get the children cleaned up and into bed. Can we take a little walk?" Mai was finished her tea. Her dessert lay uneaten on her plate but she felt almost overfull. She looked between the two men, waiting for a reply.

"Certainly; I'm almost finished this wonderful tart."

"My niece is more important than your guts, which I might add, are considerable. Leave the tart."

"Uncle!" Mai warned in a slow, deadly sounding tone of voice. "Enough! Or do you want to get sent to your room again? If that doesn't work, I still have a few knives strapped to me."

Junichi pouted momentarily while Iroh looked smug. Zuko just shook his head, still flabbergasted by their behavior.

"Sorry, Mai; I slipped."

"Let's go," the Fire Lady commanded.

The two men got up, both looking contrite now and followed Mai along hallways and then out into the gardens where she finally slowed down and waited for them.

"The gardens are lovely in the moonlight, Mai. Ursa would be so very pleased."

"Oh, thanks, Iroh. I'd like to think that she would be."

"It was her favorite place, a place of refuge for her. I'm so glad that it's a happy place now for you and your family."

"Yes, the kids love it out here. Walk with me."

Junichi and Iroh flanked Mai then, one on either side of the woman. They waited patiently for her to begin.

"I don't want to be morbid, but I'm sick, very sick, and there's a chance that I might die." It was somehow cathartic just saying that out loud.

"Mai," Junichi began but she hushed him.

"Let me say my piece! If the worst happens, Zuko will most likely fall apart, no matter how much I plead with him now to be strong. He'll need you to help him with the children and to get back up on his feet. I want both of you to promise me that you won't let him wallow in despair forever. Let him grieve than help him move one. I want his life to be happy, not miserable. Will you do that for me? Can the two of you work together?"

"Yes," they both replied without hesitation.

"I'll do anything for you, Mai, even work with Iroh." Her uncle was smiling, albeit a bit sadly.

"Of course, Mai; I will be here for my nephew and the children. I'll help all that I can. But, let's focus on you getting well instead."

"For once I agree with you, old man," Junichi chuckled. Laughter and smiles always seemed incongruous coming from the stern man with the equally stern face, all wide angles and thick features. He gave Iroh a friendly punch then looked Mai up and down with astute amber eyes.

"I'm working on it," Mai sighed. "I'm doing all that I can."

She slouched a bit then as if the weight of her burden became too much to bear.

"Are you tired, dear? We'll walk you to your rooms." Iroh put a gentle hand on Mai's back.

"Yeah; I'd like to see Zuko now." She moved forward, eager to be with her husband.

* * *

Zuko was stretched out on the bed, naked under the sheets, hoping that Mai's amorous mood hadn't vanished. When he heard the door click open, the Fire Lord sucked in his breath with anticipation. Mai glided into the room and stepped out of her dress without a word. Her under things were tossed aside next and then she pounced.

Neither spoke; the only sounds were the rustling of bed linens, gasps and moans, and flesh meeting flesh. It was intense and intensely satisfying. But Mai still craved more.

"Again?" she asked almost shyly.

"Yeah, Agni yeah, just give me a minute or two to recover."

Mai giggled. "Am I too much for you, oh mighty Fire Lord?"

"Never; I can _never_ get enough of you." Zuko's face was serious now and he pulled Mai too him, kissing her with all the feeling and passion he could muster.

Breathless, they pulled apart and then made love again, slower this time and more sweetly. Mai slept soundly afterwards and Zuko watched, standing guard like a sentry, until sleep finally overtook him too.

* * *

A/N: To kill or not to kill? That is my internal debate right now. I began this story with every intention of having Mai die. I had it all plotted out in my mind and it was sort of beautiful (please, I am _so _not tooting my own horn). But now, I find myself wavering. I don't want her to die and I don't want Zuko to suffer through that. But am I a wimp who can't stay true to her story because of that? ;-)What do you think?

Return


	12. Chapter 12

**Weep Not Too Much **

_**Chapter 12: Endurance**_

The following day, the first one of the weekend, Mai spent the morning with Yasahiro, Natsumi and Akihiko. Yasahiro's room was the largest and all of them gathered there, playing games, reading books and drawing. The window was open wide, letting in the fresh morning air and the dappled sunlight made the space look more like a mystical place than the abode of a ten year old.

Mai and her eldest were engaged in a game of pai sho, something the boy was quite adept at for his age. He was sharp and observant, always keen to learn and Mai needed to watch herself carefully. She was not one of those mothers who let her children win at games. If they were going to defeat her, it would be with their wits. That was how they improved. In the one year that he had been playing, Yasahiro had gone from being finished after one or two moves to giving his mother some real competition. She was proud.

"You might want to watch your red rose piece, Yasahiro. That's just a suggestion." Mai _wasn't_ above giving those.

"Hmmm, let me think, Mom." The boy rubbed his chin much as Iroh would stroke his beard and examined the board carefully.

His hand hovered over the board, touching one piece and then another. Finally making up his mind, he moved the white lily piece and captured Mai's knotweed tile. He beamed brightly and looked up at his mother.

"Nicely played," Mai exclaimed. "You'll need to have a match with your Great Uncle Iroh next."

"Do you think I could beat _him_?" Yasahiro's voice was excited now and his eyes sparkled with delight.

"One day I think you will, but probably not for awhile. Ask him to play. You'll learn more from him than from me."

"Okay, I will. What do you want to do now, Mom?"

"Come sit with me over by Natsumi. I promised her that we would do a puzzle together."

"Aww, that's boring, Mom. Can't we do something else?" He caught himself then and meekly agreed.

"Hey, you don't need to be all careful around me, Yasahiro. I won't break. I'm sick but I'm still the same mother. Do you understand?" She pulled the boy close for a moment and pulled on his topknot affectionately.

"Yeah, I guess. But I don't know why you had to get sick. I don't want you to die. What are _we_ supposed to do?"

He was crying now, big, fat tears rolling down his round cheeks. He swiped at them with one angry hand and then fell into Mai's arms. She ran her hands up and down his back and whispered comforting words in his ear. It tugged at her already fragile heart to see him so distraught. She silently cursed the illness and swore to fight it until she could fight no more.

"Oh, sweetie, I wish that I could promise you that I'll be here until you're all grown up with kids of your own. I can't do that because it _is_ possible that I'll die. But I want you to know that I'm working hard to get better. I want to live more than anything. I love you and your brother and your sister so much. Look, now I'm crying too." She brushed away her son's tears and then her own. "Come on; let's go play with your sister."

"I'm sorry that I made you cry, Mom." Yasahiro's face was forlorn looking and tears threatened to fall again.

"_You_ didn't make me cry. It happens easily these days, that's all."

"Okay," the boy snuffled. "Natsumi, are you still working on that puzzle?"

"Yeah, and I'm stuck. Mom, you're going to help, right?" The seven year old girl, pretty in her pinkish toned tunic and skirt, her brown hair falling down her back, was impatient to get going.

"I'm coming." Mai got up from her cross legged position on the floor and moved over to her daughter. "All right, let's do this."

Little Akihiko, suddenly feeling left out, crawled up into his mother's lap and move the pieces around, much to his sister's dismay.

"Stop it, Akihiko! You're wrecking it."

She slapped the boy's hand away and wailing ensued. One look at Mai's face was enough to have Natsumi apologizing and kissing little fingers.

"We'll start over," Mai declared.

By the time the morning was over, the Fire Lady was ready for a nap.

* * *

While Mai spent time with the children, Zuko spent time with his uncle. Junichi was over at Mai's childhood home, visiting with his sister and brother-in-law. Tom was over there as well. So the two men sat in the library, a lovely, quiet and relaxing room, sipped tea and talked.

"I came up with this particular flavor just the other week," Iroh informed Zuko, beginning with a neutral subject. "How is it?"

"Uh, it's good, Uncle, really good."

The mellow flavor of green tea had been enhanced with several citrus ones. It was a delicious combination of tangy and smooth.

"Ah, I'm glad. Believe it or not, some of my experiments do not work out quite so well. I recall one time when I decided to add some special Fire Nation spices to plain oolong. The result was not pleasing to the tongue or to the nose."

Zuko chuckled softly but his heart wasn't in it. After a long pause, he spoke in a choked voice. "What am I going to do?" The Fire Lord's tone was so heartbreakingly lost and broken that Iroh actually gasped.

"Oh, my nephew; I ache for you so much. I wish with all my heart that I could fix Mai for you. I would take her place in an instant if that were possible."

"Uncle, I don't want to lose_ anyone_."

"Of course not, but I've had a full life already while Mai has only just started. Loss is a part of living. That doesn't make it any easier to bear. I know that all too well. It's especially tragic when the person is far too young like Mai or my Lu Ten."

"How, Uncle, how did you cope? How did you get over Lu Ten?" Zuko was eager now, eager to hear of some mysterious cure all for grief and pain. He knew that it didn't exist. He knew that he would need to work his way through the grief slowly and methodically, much as he had learned his bending.

"I cried and I shouted and I stomped my feet. I burned many things. And when I finally calmed down, I cried a lot more. I tried to figure out why my son died. I looked for someone to blame. I spent time imagining that he was still with me, funny and brave and strong, my little boy, my only child. But that was just denial and it only served to hurt me more. When I finally accepted that Lu Ten was gone for good, I focused on all the wonderful memories I have of him; his birth, his first steps, the first time he made fire, his first girlfriend, teaching him pai sho. I focused on those and eventually, the pain eased. I won't lie to you, Zuko. It never goes away completely. Should you lose Mai, and I pray that you won't, you will feel that loss until your dying day. But I wouldn't trade the years I had with Lu Ten for anything. I'm glad that I knew him, despite the brevity of our time together. He made me a better person."

"Sometimes I think that it would be easier if I'd never met her. Then I wouldn't feel all this misery, wouldn't feel so damn awful. But, it's like you said. I'm proud to call Mai my wife. These past fifteen years have been…." Zuko paused for a moment, searching for the right words. "They've been so fulfilling, Uncle. Mai and our children are more than I ever dreamed of having. I love her so much it's like I'm going to bust apart. And if I lose her, I'll never be the same. She makes me whole somehow. Maybe I'll only be half a person."

"No; _you're_ strong and good and brave and you have children to raise. They will keep you sane and whole, nephew. They will be your salvation."

"Hmmm, yes, I know that the kids will need me. Mai's talked about that with me more than once. She's worried that I'll completely fall apart, isn't she?" Zuko took a last sip of his tea and then set the delicate red cup back down on the tray.

"Indeed she is; she wants Junichi and me to help you through."

Zuko laughed then, imagining Mai's uncle comforting him. "_You, _I can see, but Junichi? The man will probably kill me in my sleep and run off with all three kids. He's never forgiven me for leaving Mai during the eclipse. He tries sometimes, but I know that he only tolerates me for Mai's sake."

"Ah, yes, he can be a difficult man though he's not without his merits. He certainly adores his niece and gave her more love than her parents ever did. Am I right?" Iroh's eyes twinkled now and he poured himself more of the brew, warming the liquid with a quick burst of heat from his palms.

"Yeah, you're right. And the kids love him."

Smiling and shaking his head in disbelief, Zuko got up from his seat and wandered around the bright, cheerful room, full of row upon row of bookcases. Colourful bindings, reds and greens and browns and blues filled the shelves and Zuko had the sudden urge to run a finger along all of them, feeling the ridges and bumps, and differences in size. Natsumi always did that when she visited the library. Maybe it was in her blood. Smiling again, Zuko suggested to his uncle that they go outside.

"Look at the sunshine. Do you feel like doing a little bending? I've giving Natsumi and Yasahiro a lesson after lunch. It'll give me a chance to warm up."

"That's the best idea I've heard all day. Let's go, Zuko."

Once outside, the sun's heat seemed to pump life into him, saturating his skin and sinking deep into muscle and bone. It felt good and right like he was where he should be. As Zuko watched Iroh stretch and limber up, he could see that the old man felt the same. The sun was the source of all fire, the source of life and an integral part of their existence both as human beings and as firebenders.

"Are you ready, Uncle?" Zuko asked mischievously.

He tossed a perfectly formed ball of fire at the man and Iroh tossed it back, beginning a strange game of catch. Their joy was childlike and pure and exactly what each of them needed.

* * *

Mai sat on the sun warmed grass with Akihiko nearby. The little boy played in the dirt, his huge stuffed dragon his companion, as Yasahiro and Natsumi went through bending forms with Iroh and Zuko. Neither child had yet shown the brilliance of their Aunt Azula, but both were coming along well. Plenty of practice, but not too much, and calm, nurturing lessons were the perfect recipe for success. The fact that both children loved their element and enjoyed the art of bending didn't hurt either. They wanted to make their father proud, and they did. Zuko placed no unreasonable expectations on his children. He simply wanted them to learn at their own pace.

The Fire Lady divided her attention between her youngest and the other children, but as the afternoon wore on something else began to occupy her mind; pain. She'd noticed a slight increase in its severity over the past few days. The tea wasn't doing its job so well anymore. Not wanting Zuko to worry even more, Mai had kept that information to herself. But that wouldn't be possible for much longer. She decided to pay a visit to the physician. Maybe he had a suggestion.

She caught her husband's eye and he stopped immediately, almost running over to where she sat. "Are you all right? Mai?"

"Whoa, take it easy, Zuko. I need to go rest," she deliberately lied. "Can you look after Akihiko for me?"

"Oh, yeah, of course; you go. Don't worry about anything." He held a hand out to Mai and helped her up. "Are you sure that everything's okay?"

"Aside from the fact that I'm sick, yeah, everything's fine." She gave Zuko a quick kiss, feeling guilty for lying again, and walked slowly back inside.

* * *

Chiko's office was in a small wing of the palace, an out of the way, almost disused section, which the old man preferred. Mai poked her head in the door and he motioned her inside. Kana was there too, looking through medical scrolls and taking notes.

Mai shut the door, cleared her throat and sat down across from the physician.

"What can I do for you, Mai? It's not time for your exam is it?" He smiled at her kindly.

"Noo, that's tomorrow. Don't you have a schedule, Chiko?"

"Yes, I'm just making certain. Sometimes I forget things. I'm not quite as young as I used to be." The old man grinned at Mai then and she couldn't help but smile back.

"The tea for the pain, it's not helping much anymore. I'm uncomfortable, very uncomfortable." As if to emphasize her plight, the Fire Lady pressed a hand to her abdomen and winced as a sharp jolt of pain hit her.

"Oh, dear; you can add an extra pinch of herbs to your brew or I can get you something a bit stronger. It will make you, how should I say this, less alert, though." Chiko reached across the table and took Mai's hand. "I'll get you whatever you want. There's no need for you to suffer."

"I want to know what's going on around me. I want to be aware. I would rather endure the pain than be in a stupor. So, I guess it's an extra pinch of herbs then." She shrugged and gave the physician a wry sort of smile.

"Come talk to me anytime, Mai; if you can't endure any longer, I'll get the other herbs for you."

"Okay; Chiko, don't mention anything to Zuko. You know how much he worries already. He wouldn't be able to function."

The old man chuckled though nothing was really funny. "Yes, he does indeed worry about you. Tomorrow we'll discuss everything, all right? You go make yourself some of that tea and have dinner with your family."

Nodding, Mai got up from her seat and walked slowly to the rooms that she and Zuko occupied. She needed to lean against the wall more than once, catching her breath from the onslaught of agony. Once inside her rooms, she collapsed on the bed, all thoughts of the tea forgotten. Sleep was an escape from the pain as well. She closed her eyes and turned over onto her side, wrapping a blanket around her body and curling up into a tight little ball. Zuko found her like that an hour later.

* * *

A/N: I want to thank_ everyone_ for their very helpful and inspiring comments. Arizony suggested writing two endings and WeAreSeven suggested that also. I cannot believe that I didn't think of that myself. So I'll get to write about Mai's death and its ramifications as well as her survival. I've still got a lot of ground to cover before I get to that point.

Thanks again for the support. The reviews for last chapter made me feel so good.

Alabaster


	13. Chapter 13

**Weep Not Too Much **

_**Chapter 13: Options**_

Zuko approached the bed slowly and carefully, not wanting to disturb Mai's rest. She looked tense and uncomfortable even in her sleep. He frowned, little furrows instantly appearing on his forehead. Mai twisted in the blanket and then uttered a groan. A few minutes later she was awake.

She smiled when she opened those beautiful gold eyes and saw her husband looking down anxiously at her. "Hey; what time is it?"

"It's only been an hour or so. You looked restless. Do you want me to crawl in with you? I can give you a massage."

Tempting though that offer was, and despite the little jolt of electric desire that surged through her body, Mai shook her head 'no'. The pain was too difficult to bear and she wanted to brew some of that tea, anything to take some of it away. Zuko sensed something different in his wife but didn't push. He would question her later.

"How about some tea; Uncle certainly thinks it's a cure all."

"Uh, yeah, let me get up and I'll make us some. I need some of _my _tea."

She clamped her teeth together tightly and slid her legs off the bed. When her feet hit the carpet, she stood up slowly, a wave of dizziness hitting her hard. That was new. Zuko caught her before she fell. He cradled her close as he sat down on the bed with her, rained kisses all over her face, then captured her hands in his, massaging them gently.

"What's going on? You've never done that before, have you?" His words sounded soft and almost sweet but Mai could feel the intensity and worry behind them.

"It's nothing, just a bit of dizziness; I haven't eaten much today."

"I'll be right back." Tenderly, Zuko lay Mai down on the bed, adjusting pillows behind her back. He then ran out of the room and down several corridors to the kitchen.

Mai wondered what she had done to deserve such an attentive, devoted husband. She giggled then, images of Zuko's flapping robes and servants scurrying out of the way of his sprinting form, flitting through her mind. Agni, that man would do anything for her. That little spark warmed her again and before long she was imagining all sorts of erotic things.

When Zuko returned, a tray overflowing with colourful and appealing food in his hands, and a flush on his cheeks, he looked at her curiously. "Are you thinking about, you know, sex? You're all pink."

Mai put her hands to her face and felt the warmth there. She blushed harder and wondered why. She and Zuko had been intimate for about sixteen years. Sex was certainly not a new endeavor. Somehow, though, their relationship remained fresh and exciting and sex was never, ever dull and never the same experience twice.

"You caught me," she smirked. "I can't help myself sometimes."

Zuko looked momentarily flustered then grinned lasciviously. "I offered to give you a massage. And you refused."

"So massages always lead to sex?" Mai was playing now.

"Well, I don't know if they do with other people, but with us, yes, they do."

"I believe you're right, Zuko. I think I'd like a massage tonight, after everyone's sleeping. Can you remember that?"

"Um, yes, yes I can." Zuko brushed a hand against his swelling member and groaned. "Agni, you have power over me, Mai."

He set the tray down on a table, leaned over Mai and kissed her hard. She was breathless with love and desire, but another sharp pain broke the spell.

"Zuko, later, I'm hungry."

He backed off instantly and retrieved the tray, feeding her tidbits of this and that until she was full.

"My tea, is it steeping in the kitchen?"

"Oh, damn, I forgot the tea. Let me go and make some."

"I'll come; we can drink it there, okay?" She attempted to get up again, this time without almost keeling over. The food must have helped because the dizziness had vanished.

Zuko gave her his arm and she took it without quibbling. "Is the pain worse?"

"Why would you think that?" Mai asked more sharply than was necessary.

He shrugged. "Your eyes; I see a lot of pain there."

"Maybe a little bit," she conceded. "It's nothing that I can't handle."

They were in the kitchen now. Sun bustled about, getting ready for dinner, and gave Mai a sympathetic smile.

Zuko found the small pouch that contained Mai's painkilling tea. He poured some water in a tiny teapot and heated it up, letting the warmth sink into the porcelain. Then he dumped the water out and dropped a healthy pinch of tea leaves into the pot. Mai watched Zuko fondly. Though he looked nothing like Iroh, when he made tea with such care and love, her husband reminded her of the old man. Zuko was more similar to the tea maker than he imagined.

"What?" He poured hot water into the pot and then placed it along with a cup in front of Mai.

"Nothing; I just like watching you."

"Oh, okay; do you want something else to eat. Sun's cooking up a storm there."

"No, I'm full. You may pour my tea for me, though." She used her most affected noblewoman voice and Zuko felt the beginnings of a smile.

"Yes, my lady." Zuko kissed Mai quickly on the cheek then poured the brew.

She blew on the steaming liquid, eager for some relief. Too bad it had to taste so bitter. It was Zuko's turn to watch Mai. Such a simple thing, a simple pleasure, to sit with your wife in the kitchen and enjoy a cup of tea; never had it been so poignant, never had it meant so much.

* * *

Mai laid half on top of Zuko and he enjoyed the feeling of her slight weight on him. They were both sated and pleasantly tired feeling, in that strange place between wakefulness and sleep. Zuko wrapped his strong arm around Mai's back and pressed her too him even more tightly. He allowed his eyes to drift shut.

"I've been thinking." He spoke slowly as if his tongue was heavier than usual.

"Mmmm, what about?" Mai's words were equally leaden.

"Will you try something for me?"

"Ohh, can't we just sleep now? I'm so tired." She buried her head further into Zuko's chest.

"In a minute; I want you to try meditation. Maybe it can help you beat this, this thing." He said the word with such disgust and hatred.

"What? Did you write to Aang?" She pushed herself up then and looked down at Zuko's face.

Opening his good eye, Zuko looked back. "I have, but neither of us mentioned meditation. Look, it can't hurt you, right? But I find that it. it gives me a certain insight into my body and my mind. I can picture things and problems and the solutions often present themselves. Maybe, you can focus your mind on healing, on casting this illness from your body. Would you do that for me?"

The Fire Lord battled with himself now; he choked back a sob and blinked fiercely, forcing the hot, stinging tears back to where they had come from.

"Will you teach me then? We can start tomorrow." She kissed her husband softly and curled up against him again.

"Yes, yes, tomorrow's good." He sounded almost painfully eager.

"I have to see Chiko first thing. And I promised the children that we'd spend more time together. But the afternoon should be fine."

"Mmhmm, we'll leave the kids with the two uncles." Zuko laughed at the thought. "They'll be glad to do it."

* * *

The royal physician knocked on the door and waited for Mai. She opened it a few moments later and let the old man along with his apprentice, Kana, into her rooms.

"How is the pain this morning?" He got straight to the point, no preamble or small talk.

Mai's face was drawn and she put her hands against her middle every few seconds as if the pressure might help. "It's bad enough. The stronger tea did ease it a bit, though."

"All right; lie down on the bed, please, and lift up your tunic."

Mai complied and Chiko examined her, pressing gentle, probing fingers all over her abdominal area. She yelped in pain when he hit a particular spot, then bit down hard on her lower lip to prevent it happening again.

"I won't lie to you, Mai. The growth, it's gotten larger. That's why the pain has increased. It's pressing against something vital."

"Oh, well, that explains things then. So now what? I suppose there's nothing left to be done, is there?" She tried to force a smile but it was no good.

"I've seen recoveries, even at this late stage. You can't give up, Mai, not ever."

"Says the guy who's not in agony," Mai joked bitterly. "I'm_ not_ giving up. Zuko is going to teach me meditation this afternoon. He thinks that it might help. What do you think?"

"I think that you should try anything and everything out there. Mediation is calming and relaxing and that's good for your body. I've studied papers about its positive effects on healing. Whether it was really the meditation or something else, I can't say. But, as I'm sure your husband told you, it can't hurt. And it will make _him_ feel better, doing something to help. Everyone you love suffers when you're ill, Mai."

Kana pulled down Mai's tunic, checked her pulse and listened to her breathing. With a smile, the young woman helped Mai back into a sitting position.

"I know how much pain Zuko is in and it breaks my heart. He's trying so hard and he does all that he can for me. I'm so lucky to have him."

"He's a good man." Chiko briefly recalled the Fire Lord's younger days, tending to minor burns and cuts and illnesses. The terrible burn given to Zuko by his father's own hand, he was only allowed to check briefly. He would never, could never, forget the sight of the thirteen year old Zuko, the horrible mess of his face or the sound of the whimpering cries he uttered.

"What were you thinking about?" Mai asked curiously.

"Zuko when he was a child; I knew then that he was different from his father, decent, compassionate. I'm grateful that it's him leading us."

"Yeah, aren't we all?"

"We'll go now, dear. Remember the other painkiller that's available to you. If things become too much for you to manage, see me immediately."

"Sure, if I need it, I'll pay you a visit; thanks, Chiko and you too, Kana."

"It's an honor, my lady." Kana bowed and then followed her mentor out of the room.

Mai got up from the bed and went into the bathroom. She stood in front of the full length mirror, lifted her tunic again and pressed down on her stomach.

"Well, that's it then; you think you've won, but I'm not quite finished yet." She pressed down again, violently this time and grimaced. "Bastard!"

* * *

Everyone, Tom's and Mai's parents included, sat down to lunch together. Mai found it easier to deal with their presence when it was diluted by other people. And it gave_ them_ a chance to spend a bit of time with their grandchildren. She ignored her mother's often pointed remarks, and focused instead on her father's kinder attitude.

The kids were polite with their grandparents but not overly warm. They weren't familiar enough with either of them. Akihiko did suggest to his grandmother that they build towers again. That brought a smile to Masami's face.

"I'd love to; perhaps your parents would let you visit my house tomorrow while your brother and sister are at school."

The little boy looked between Mai and Zuko with hopeful eyes.

Mai nodded. "Sure, that's fine."

"Yay, I bring blocks," he shouted.

"Lower that voice," Zuko said firmly. "And yes, you can bring your blocks."

"Good, then it's set." Masami glanced happily over at her husband.

"I'm looking forward to it," Sen grinned at the little boy. "We'll have fun."

Mai snorted quietly and exchanged a look with Zuko. Fun was something that she never had at home. Still, it was good that her parents were at least willing to make an effort.

* * *

With lunch over and her parents back home, Tom, Junichi and Iroh took the children into town for the afternoon. Mai and Zuko had a few hours to themselves. He took Mai's hand and led her to his private training and meditation room.

It wasn't a large room but with one wall almost completely window, it appeared more spacious than it really was. Zuko's dual swords hung on the wall while a spare set sat casually in a corner. A display case with smaller projectile weapons decorated another wall.

At the further end of the room, a long table, low to the ground, sat against the wall. Another table contained candles of all shapes and sizes and scents. There were incense sticks in a decorative container and large, comfortable cushions in reds and golds were scattered across the floor.

"Here we are," Zuko declared. "Pick a cushion and sit down."

Mai chose one and sat, crossing her legs in front of her. "I'm ready; show me how it's done."


	14. Chapter 14

**Weep Not Too Much**

_**Chapter 14: Little Things Make a Difference**_

Zuko settled himself beside Mai. He chose four candles with a vanilla scent and placed them on the table in front of her. With an almost imperceptible movement of his finger, he lit them all. His mind drifted momentarily, back to the early days of his banishment when Iroh had shown him the art of meditation. Zuko had been stubborn and rude about the whole thing, of course, but after a bit of time, meditation became an integral part of his daily routine. It calmed and soothed and allowed him to let go of all the pain he suffered, at least momentarily.

He didn't say anything for a few minutes, but gathered his thoughts and focused on his wife instead. When he was ready, the Fire Lord began.

"Mai, first you need to completely relax your body. Breathe deeply, in and out, in and out until you feel yourself calm."

Mai glanced at her husband then closed her eyes and did as he told her. She could feel her body loosen and grow slack with relaxation.

"That's good." Zuko sounded pleased and that made Mai relax even more. "Now, try to focus on the pain, the spot it originates from. Picture it as something physical, like one of your knives."

'That would be apt' Mai immediately thought. She did as Zuko asked. It was difficult and took a while but eventually she saw the pain as something she could touch and manipulate.

"Okay, are you ready for the next step?" Zuko touched her gently on the back and she nodded slightly. "Picture destroying the pain; break the physical object you imagine it to be. Take control of it. Kill whatever's hurting you, Mai."

Again, the Fire Lady focused with all the power of her mind. She bent and twisted the knife, folded it in on itself until it vanished. The constant throb that she dealt with eased a bit. She kept her eyes closed and breathed in deeply. When she opened them again, Zuko was looking at her with a hopeful expression.

"How do you feel? Did it do any good? The more you practice and the better you get at meditation, the more it will help you."

"It's a bit better, and I feel less stressed. That's a good thing. Thank you, Zuko. Can we do it again tomorrow?"

"Yes, yes, of course; we'll come here every day. Oh, and we can set up a meditation area in our room." He was over eager again, so desperate to help in any way that he could. Mai's heart constricted with pain as she looked at his face and deep into his eyes. Agni, no matter how prepared he might be and no matter how much love and support he had, her death would very nearly kill Zuko. She knew it and that pain was far worse than the one that ravished her body daily.

* * *

The children had enjoyed a fun afternoon in town with their two great uncles, shopping, stopping for tea and watching the production of a play for children. They were all exhausted but wanted to see Mai immediately. Akihiko bounded into the sitting room first and leapt up onto the sofa next to his mother, pressing his brown haired head into her lap.

"Hey, sweetie; you look tired."

"Uh huh, I am but we have fun." He buried his head in further and Mai stroked his hair.

"I'm glad." She looked up and saw Natsumi and Yasahiro enter the room. They were more restrained, but still excited to see both of their parents.

"Your children are certainly full of energy," Iroh observed. He rubbed his hips for emphasis and then removed his shoes, scrunching his toes up and then stretching them out. "Junichi and I had a hard time keeping up with them.

"Speak for yourself, old man." Junichi actually smiled at Iroh. "_I_ didn't have any trouble."

Zuko and Mai exchanged a look. Perhaps the two men were actually capable of getting along after all.

"Who are you calling old? King Bumi lived to be one hundred and twenty years. I'm nowhere near that so I could have a lot of time left yet."

"Yeah, yeah, but you're still ancient," Junichi insisted with uncharacteristic casualness and ease.

Mai wondered for a moment if she were having a bizarre dream about warring family members who suddenly enjoyed each other's company. Their behavior certainly wasn't typical.

"Will you stay for dinner, Uncle, or are you going across the street?" Mai asked. She shook her head as if to dislodge the strange thoughts she was having.

"I'll stay; I can take Akihiko over there tomorrow and spend some time with your mother then."

"Good; I'll need to go see Sun soon then, so she can prepare." Mai made a move to get up from the sofa, shifting her younger son aside.

"I can do that," Zuko insisted firmly. "Spend some time with the kids. I'm sure that they want to tell you all about their afternoon."

The Fire Lord stood up, kissed Natsumi, who sat next to him, on the head, and left for the kitchen.

"He certainly does look after you." Mai thought that it must have been Iroh who said those words, despite the fact that it sounded very much like _her _uncle. She stared at him with unabashed surprise and he gave her a wink. That threw her even more. "I'm not your husband's biggest fan but I can see how much he loves you. He's very attentive and I appreciate that. You deserve no less, Mai."

"Are you all right, Uncle? You haven't been drinking have you? Or perhaps you bumped your head?" She giggled then at Junichi's genuine affront at her comments.

"No, I just think that the time for petty squabbling is over. Getting you well should be our priority."

"Hmmm, thank you for making the effort, Uncle. What would I do without you?"

The imposing man sat down next to Mai, lifting Akihiko unceremoniously out of the way, and took her frail body into his arms. "I know that I'm not one of those cuddly men, like Iroh is, but I love you, Mai. You mean the world to me. You know that, don't you?"

Mai felt the all too familiar sting of tears. She was like a little girl now and burrowed her head deep into Junichi's broad chest, taking comfort in his strength and the surety of his love. "I know," she sniffled. "I know, Uncle."

"Are you okay, Mom?" Yasahiro sounded concerned, his voice too serious for someone a mere ten years old. "Would you like some tea?"

She sniffed again, wiped the tears off her cheeks and smiled at her older son. "You've been spending too much time with your Great Uncle Iroh. Why don't you join your father in the kitchen? The _two _of you can make me some tea."

"Sure," the boy replied eagerly. He was so pleased to be able to do something to help, anything at all.

Mai watched him leave and her heart was near to bursting with both love and pride.

"What can_ I_ do, Mommy?" Natsumi, the middle child, sometimes felt ignored. The oldest and the youngest seemed to have special designations, while the one born in between was simply that.

"You can pour me a cup when your father and Yasahiro get back."

"Okay." She was satisfied and snuggled up to Iroh while she waited.

"Oh, Mai, there's something I need to tell you." The owner of the Jasmine Dragon gave his nephew's wife a sly sort of grin. "I don't know why I didn't mention it before."

"Okay, what is it, Iroh?"

"I let Toph know what's happening with you. She had a letter sent to me here. It arrived today. She's coming for a visit. I would expect her in a day or so."

"Toph!" Akihiko exclaimed.

"Apparently so," Mai remarked dryly. "Well, we're going to have quite a full house here, aren't we?"

"Toph!" her youngest shouted again.

The earthbender tended to have that kind of effect on people.

* * *

By the time dinner was over and all three children safely tucked in their beds, Mai was bone weary. She leaned heavily against Zuko as they walked back to their rooms. Zuko opened the door with a bit of a flourish and she wondered why for a moment. As soon as he lit the lamps, she was moved to tears for the second time that day.

"Do you like it?" her husband asked softly. "I did it by myself, while you thought that I was still talking to Sun."

"Yes," she answered in a tremulous voice. "It's lovely."

On the floor beneath the large window facing east, Zuko had set up a small meditation area. Just like in his training room, there were comfortable and colourful throw cushions and lots of candles. Potted plants that gave off a sweet scent graced either end of the table and small, framed portraits of each of their children sat atop the dark wood.

"I wasn't sure what else to put there, so I stopped." Zuko's voice sounded almost shy for a moment and he looked so thrilled that his idea had worked out.

"It's perfect. Thank you, Zuko. Thank you for being so good to me."

She sank onto one of the plump cushions, giving a little sigh of pleasure at the sheer comfort, and looked out the window. The sun was on its way down and the sky was an awe inspiring mix of purples and pinks and oranges. She'd seen her share of sunsets, most of them with the man she loved, but this one seemed especially beautiful. It reminded her of days spent on Ember Island with the children, fun filled, worry free days, days of swimming and being lazy, lounging beneath the hot sun, and walking the entire length of the beach just to say that they did. A sudden yearning filled her and she turned to Zuko.

"What is it?" He took her in, all of her, the dark mane of hair that fell well past her shoulders, those amazing almond shaped eyes that could melt him with a brief glance, the exquisite heart shaped face, all the features so perfect. She looked so beautiful with the sunset behind her, so beautiful that Zuko found it hard to breathe. He simply would never, could never get over Mai. She was as much a part of him as his own arm or leg, his mind or his heart.

Mai sat still as she felt her husband scrutinize her. He did that sometimes, got lost in her. It was flattering and a bit overwhelming. Finally, she spoke. "I was just recalling some of our times on Ember Island. Do you think we could go, soon? I'd like to see it one more time, especially with the children."

How could he refuse that? Zuko struggled for a moment as he tried to get a hold of his emotions. "Yeah, whenever you want. Just say the word."

"Good, soon then; once Toph comes and goes unless she wants to join us."

Zuko smiled as he thought of their earthbending friend. There was a woman who would add both excitement and humor to their home. He was glad that Toph was coming for a visit. He needed to see her too. Toph had a unique perspective that helped Zuko see things clearly sometimes. He wondered how she would react to Mai's illness, to the obvious changes in her friend's body.

"You're zoning out again, Zuko. Let's go to sleep. We're both tired."

"Mmm," he nodded and then scooped her up from the pillow and placed her on the bed.

Mai giggled as he began to undress her, loosening her sash, opening up her plain red tunic and putting little kisses on her exposed collarbone.

"I can still undress myself, you know. I'm not that far gone."

"I know that; but this way is more fun." Zuko continued, with Mai's cooperation, until she was completely bare. Gently, he pulled a pretty purple silk nightgown over her head and stood back to admire his work. Unable to resist the pull of her mouth, he leaned in and kissed her sensuously until they were both breathless. "Come on; I'll tuck you in." He pulled back the covers and lifted Mai again, she was so painfully light, and put her head on the pillow before pulling up the smooth and cool silk sheets. "I'll join you in minute."

Zuko went into the bathroom and shut the door. He stripped off his comfortable shirt and pants, sat on the wide ledge of the marble bathtub and broke down. Sobs wracked his body and he rocked back and forth in some primal attempt to calm himself. Soft keening wails escaped through his slightly parted lips and tears streamed down his cheeks, dropping onto the floor with little pattering noises. By the time he finally got himself under control, Mai was asleep. Silently, he slipped in beside her, took her hand in his and prayed for blissful rest to take him.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Yes, I've got my groove back for this story. I'm glad.

**Weep Not Too Much**

_**Chapter 15: Dinner with Toph**_

Toph, master earthbender, beloved friend of the royal family and someone Mai and Zuko both considered a sister in all the ways that counted, arrived two days later just as Iroh had predicted. She was as loud and blustering and confident as always, a breath of very fresh air. Despite her fatigue and the pain that continually plagued her, Mai couldn't help but grin when she saw the green clad twenty eight year old burst into the sitting room and plop herself down on the nearest empty chair.

"So, I hear that you're not feeling well," she blurted out, turning her sightless eyes on Mai.

"Well, that's one way of putting it." Mai's tone was its driest and she wore a small smile on her lips now. "It's really good to see you, Toph."

"Yeah, well, I'd say the same, but you know." The still small earthbender waved a hand in front of her eyes to emphasize her blindness and then snorted with laughter.

"Shouldn't you show more respect, young lady?" Junichi's face was red with anger and he looked ready to get up from his seat and confront Toph.

"Uncle, that's Toph's way. It's fine. "

He grumbled to himself about strange friends and lack of dignity but didn't push things any further. Akihiko, meanwhile, sat at the earthbender's feet and simply stared.

"Hmm, is that an Akihiko I sense?" Toph smirked. "How are ya doing, little guy?"

"I good," he replied then continued to look up at the woman reverently.

"Um, geez, kid, do you want to sit in my lap?" There was no hesitation. The younger prince scampered up her legs and sat himself firmly in Toph's lap. She embraced the boy and then ruffled his hair. "I like you too."

"How was your journey from the Earth Kingdom, my dear?" Iroh's soft and mellow voice broke in. "I know you're not very comfortable on board ships."

"I'm used to them by now; the trip was okay. As much as I hate to admit it, though, I miss The Duke."

"Oh," Mai teased. "You miss him, do you? That's so romantic. Why don't you just make it official? Or don't you want to?"

"I'm not ready to settle down now, Mai. Maybe I'll never be. I like having all the benefits of a boyfriend, though." Her smile was lewd and she deliberately turned her head to face Junichi.

Iroh laughed while the warden of Boiling Rock Prison fumed.

"Yes, the benefits of having a man around _are _good, aren't they?" Mai was deliberately poking at her uncle now. It could be amusing some times.

"Speaking of the man, where is old Grumpy?"

"Daddy workin'," Akihiko answered immediately.

"Oh, he knows who Grumpy refers to, does he?" Toph found that hysterically funny for some reason and Akihiko, entranced by the earthbender's guffaws, joined in her mirth.

"Zuko will be _so_ pleased." Mai shot Toph a dark look that the younger woman somehow felt.

"All right, all right; your daddy is only grumpy sometimes, right, Akihiko?" She stifled her laughter and put on a mock serious face.

Mai's uncle cleared his throat and got up from his seat. "I'm going across the street to see Tom. I'm sure you'll want some time with your _friend_."

"Could you tell him that Toph is here? He'd love to see her, Uncle." The Fire Lady, out of habit, made a move to stand and accompany Junichi to the door.

"Don't, Mai," he blurted out immediately. "It's not necessary."

"Uncle, I can still…"

"Save your energy." It was an order now, gruff and loud.

Toph's face grew genuinely serious and she seemed attuned to Mai now, taking all of her in.

"I think Junichi had the right idea. Let me take the boy and you and Toph can have a visit." Iroh left the comfort of his chair, took hold of Akihiko's hand and guided him out of the room. "We'll be in the garden," he called back over his shoulder. "Enjoy your visit."

* * *

Left alone with Toph, Mai felt uncharacteristically uncomfortable. Neither woman said anything for a few minutes. Words at a time such as this were inadequate, flimsy.

"So, it's really bad, isn't it?" Toph wore a sad, almost morose expression, something that Mai had seen rarely on the young woman. "I can feel it, your body, I mean. It's different."

"Yeah, it's bad," Mai agreed honestly. "Katara couldn't do anything; the royal physician can't either, of course. So, it's a fight between me and the illness. I feel as though it's winning right now."

"Mai, I, I…."

"Don't know what to say? It's all right. I understand. Just spend some time with me and Zuko and the kids. You always make me laugh and that can't hurt."

Toph chuckled softly then. "At least I can do that. Do the others know; Sokka, Suki, Ty Lee?"

"Ooh, I need to write Ty Lee. I don't know who Katara told besides Aang. I haven't given anyone much thought, to tell you the truth. I've had my mind on other things. But, I will write Ty tonight. She deserves that much."

"Yeah, she'll want to you know, come see you….crap, I hate feeling awkward. And I hate that you're sick. Damn, Mai; Zuko and the kids, how are they? Zuko must be going crazy. I know how much he loves you."

Mai fought back tears. "Um, yeah, he's keeping it together as best he can for me. And he's so attentive and loving. But I can see the cracks. I'm really worried about what he'll do if I, if I die."

"Well then maybe you'd better not die. How's that for an idea. Sounds like you're resigned to it already. I thought you had more fight than that in you."

The little earthbender was angry now. She plucked at the simple green tunic she wore over loose brown pants and jutted her jaw out defiantly. Her bare toes were curled up tightly, and they grabbed hold of little bits of rich, red carpeting.

Mai felt anger flare at her friend's remarks. A nasty retort sat on the end of her tongue, waiting for her to speak it, but she swallowed it back down instead. Gathering her composure, Mai breathed in and out a few times. Then she addressed Toph's comments.

"You don't know what it's like for me. You can't understand the pain; the physical pain is bad enough, bad enough to make me want to scream, but the other pain is even worse. Do you actually believe that I'm not fighting as hard as I can? Do you actually believe that I wouldn't do everything I possibly can to stay with Zuko and our children? The thought of leaving them behind rips me apart, Toph. The thought of the pain that they'll suffer is almost more than I can bear. Don't tell me that I'm resigned."

Toph buried her head in her hands. When she spoke, her words were muffled. "I'm sorry, Mai; that was a stupid thing to say."

"Don't worry. It's forgotten. Come on; let's get you settled in your room. Then we'll look into dinner. Yasahiro and Natsumi are going to be so excited to see you and Tom too."

"Is that brother of yours still a lady killer?" Toph smirked as she stood up, walked to Mai's chair and reached down for her friend's arm.

"I think he's had more girlfriends than he can keep track of. But he's a good man and a good brother. I'm glad that he's here too."

Mai linked her arm with Toph's and they strolled slowly down the corridor to the earthbender's usual room.

"If I didn't have The Duke, I might give him a try myself. He's only ten years younger; that's nothing."

Mai snorted indelicately. It was indeed good to have Toph around.

* * *

Zuko gently kissed Mai's forehead and peered at her closely. "Are you sure that you're up to this? You look tired. We can have dinner here, just the two of us if you like."

"That would be rude; we have guests, Zuko, and the children want us there."

She was sitting at her dressing table, doing her hair and applying some makeup. Zuko was ready to go and hovered near her, ready to help if she needed it, a constant furrow marring his brow. He looked regal in his red tunic and black pants, both made from the finest silks, a gold sash tied around his waist. Mai wore the same colours, a close fitting black shirt over a long, narrow red skirt. It showed off her figure, which, Zuko noted to himself again, was growing thinner still. The sight made him ache inside and he couldn't help but imagine her wasting away completely until there was nothing left of her. He shuddered and swallowed hard. He wouldn't let Mai see just how upset he was. If his wife insisted on having dinner with everyone, he would make certain that she enjoyed it.

Mai stood up and cocked an eyebrow at her husband. "Presentable?"

"Yeah, you look gorgeous as always." Zuko meant what he said. Mai did look lovely. No illness could ever take away her natural beauty. It might try but it wouldn't win.

She smiled slightly and tilted her head to look at him. "Let's go then."

Zuko offered his arm and Mai took it gratefully. The Fire Lord walked along easily, not wanting to tire Mai out further. As they approached the dining room, Toph announced to everyone that they were on their way. Mai chuckled and glanced at Zuko. He was beaming now, eager to see one of his best friends.

Tom, the only one not seated, rushed in a few minutes later apologizing for his lateness. "I had to walk someone home and we got a bit distracted."

Iroh gave the young man a knowing look and a broad wink. Tom had the decency to blush the tiniest bit. He cleared his throat and took his seat between his uncle and Toph.

"So is this _someone_ your latest conquest?" Mai inquired with sisterly interest.

"She's someone I met the other day. We had a sort of instant connection so I asked her to lunch today. It was, um, nice." Tom fiddled with his chopsticks and avoided looking at everyone.

"Oh, his heart is just pitter pattering away inside his chest. I think he likes this one, Mai."

"Thanks a lot, Toph. You make keeping secrets or withholding information impossible." Tom groaned and dropped his head dramatically into his hands.

"I know; isn't it great?" the earthbender smirked.

"Not always," Mai's brother shot back. His tone was affectionate, though, and he really wasn't angry at Toph. He adored her in fact, much as Mai's and Zuko's children did.

Yasahiro spoke up. "Do you have a girlfriend now, Uncle Tom? Is she pretty? Is she nice?"

"I can't call her my girlfriend yet, Yasahiro. But I do like her. And she's very pretty, _almost_ as pretty as your mom." Tom looked over at Mai and gave her a brilliant smile.

She smiled back and rolled her eyes. "Well, mother will certainly be pleased that she's Fire Nation. You can actually bring her home without fear of caustic remarks and outright shunning."

"Yes, there is that," Tom laughed. "I should propose tomorrow."

"Doesn't Grandma like people from the Earth Kingdom?" Yasahiro looked almost upset now. Toph was from the Earth Kingdom after all and Iroh had his tea shop there, somewhere the boy loved to visit.

"Well, let's just say she wants Tom to marry a Fire Nation girl." Mai wasn't going to get into the finer points of prejudice at the dinner table. Perhaps she needed to have a talk with the boy. "I'll explain things to you at bedtime. Here is not the place."

"Fine." Her eldest child went back to carefully eating his dumplings.

"Hey, Grumpy," Toph called out to Zuko. "It's good to 'see' you. How about you and I have a little walk later? I want to talk with you. It's been a long time."

"Uh, yeah, I guess, Toph." He automatically turned to Mai as if asking for permission. If she needed him around, he would put Toph off without hesitation. Mai nodded discreetly and Zuko looked back over at his earthbending friend. "Okay, how about after Mai and I get the kids to bed?"

"That sounds perfect. Speaking of kids, I haven't heard from Natsumi yet. Are you here, little girl, or did you vanish?"

The seven year old princess giggled. "I'm over here, Toph, beside Yasahiro."

"Oh, so you are. How are you doing these days? Do you still like school?"

"I'm good and school's great. Mommy taught me how to throw a knife. She says it's my in, in, inheritance."

It was as if all the joy had been sucked from everyone and the table grew silent. Natsumi, not understanding what had changed, began to cry. She must have done something terribly wrong, the girl deduced.

"Natsumi, come with me." Mai stood up from the table and took her daughter's hand.

Out in the hallway, far enough away so that no one could hear, except perhaps Toph, the Fire Lady knelt and wrapped her arms around the trembling girl.

"Was I bad, Mommy? Did I say something wrong?" Tears were streaming down her little face and they soaked Mai's ebony shirt.

Mai held on tight and whispered into her daughter's ear. "Shh, shh, no, you were not bad and you said nothing wrong. The word you used, inheritance, reminded everyone that I'm sick and that makes them sad." She stroked her daughter's brown hair and pulled back to look deep into pretty gold eyes. "You are _such_ a good girl. You make me proud every day and I love you so much. Do you understand that?"

"Yes, Mommy," Natsumi sniffled. "I love you and I don't want you to die. I don't want you to go away."

She wanted to lie to her daughter, assure her that everything would be fine no matter what. But Mai couldn't. She simply couldn't form the words, couldn't say them aloud. "I don't want to go either," was the best she could come up with. The Fire Lady pulled her daughter close again and held her until the tears finally stopped.


	16. Chapter 16

**Weep Not Too Much**

_**Chapter 16: Contemplation**_

"I feel so bad." Toph kicked at the soft grass beneath her bare feet and let out a huge sigh. "Poor kid."

The palace gardens were bathed in moonlight, the trees and bushes shadowy figures that belonged to the night now, rather than cheerful greenery that brightened everyone's days.

"Natsumi's okay. After her bath, Mai and I both had a talk with her. She's tougher than you might think. But she tries really hard to be good all the time, maybe too hard. You didn't do anything wrong, Toph. And I'm so glad that you're here." Zuko's voice was raw and full of emotion. He wiped furiously at his damp eyes and then growled. "Damn, I'm doing an awful lot of that lately." Toph knew he was crying, of course so what was the point in trying to hide the fact?

The earthbender sidled over closer to the Fire Lord and punched his arm gently. "I'm here and I'll stay for as long as you want. I just wish that I could help. Nothing quite like feeling useless, is there?"

Zuko made a noise that was something between a laugh and a moan. "I wrack my brain every day, every hour, every Agni damn minute, trying to come up with something that will help Mai. I taught her how to meditate, figuring it might ease her pain at least. I hate seeing her hurt, Toph. I **hate** it."

The Fire Lord's shoulders were shaking now as sobs ripped through his body.

"Hey, Zuko, don't. I'm going to start crying now and you know how often I do _that_." She put her hand in his and squeezed hard. Her milky eyes were filled with tears too. "Oh, crap, why not?" The tiny earthbender let her tears fall freely.

The pair cried until they laughed, arms wrapped around each other now, taking comfort in their strong friendship. "Mai's going to take one look at me and wonder what we got up to," Zuko remarked as they both dropped down onto the ground, emotionally drained.

They lay flat on their backs near the apple tree and the fountain, a spot that never failed to remind Zuko of his beloved. Sprawled out on the dew damp grass, Zuko looked up at the sky and Toph felt the myriad of vibrations that went on beneath her body, both on the earth's surface and further down.

Zuko felt guilty that Mai's illness and its affect on everyone around her had monopolized the conversation. He wanted to hear about the earthbender and her life, a life so very different from his own. "How are _you_, Toph? Tell me what you've been up to. How's The Duke?"

"He's good, really good, Zuko. He would have come but, you know, he feels uncomfortable around….um, sickness. Besides, he needed to stay behind and make sure that our earthbending school doesn't fall apart."

That wasn't quite the truth and Zuko knew it, even if he wasn't a walking, talking lie detector like Toph was. The Duke had never been keen on spending time at the palace. The whole royalty thing put him off and the surroundings flustered him. But, he would keep his mouth shut. There was no need to call Toph out. It really wasn't that important.

"And the school, it's doing well?"

Toph taught anyone and everyone who didn't have the means to pay for a master or lessons of any kind. She'd grown up privileged and pampered but with her true potential hidden and tremendous gifts ignored by her parents. It was something she had to hone all on her own. Lonely and without friends, there was a lot of time for her to do just that.

But the kids and _adults_ even who Toph instructed had jobs and families, not empty hours to fill. So they came for one hour every day and she worked them hard. There was no fee required, just a willingness to learn and to listen. Its reputation had spread throughout the Earth Kingdom and so had Toph's fame.

"The school is awesome. I can't believe sometimes how much I like teaching. I love it, actually. I'm really happy, Zuko. Oh, geez, now I feel like I'm rubbing your face in it."

"I don't expect my friends to stop being happy because of Mai's situation. And I'm happy too. I mean, I adore my wife and my children. I enjoy being Fire Lord. I have my Uncle Iroh and good friends. I have a great life, Toph. But at the same time, I can't believe I can actually function. I can't believe that I haven't completely fallen apart. Losing Mai…Agni forbid it should happen, but if it does, I don't know how I'll deal with it. I'm terrified, Toph, absolutely terrified." Zuko breathed in deeply, the cool night air feeling good in his lungs.

"I can't even imagine what you're going through. I wouldn't pretend to know. But I love you guys and I'm here to do what I can."

Toph reached out with her hand and grabbed hold of Zuko's. They lay like that for a long while, not talking, but saying a lot.

* * *

The palace was quiet. Most of the servants had already gone home or retreated to their quarters on site. They would all be back to work early in the morning, preparing breakfast, cleaning, delivering messages, doing laundry and so on. The occasional guard walked down this hallway or that, keeping his eyes and ears open for anything out of the ordinary. In the fifteen years of Zuko's reign as Fire Lord, nothing unusual or terrible had happened in the palace. There were no assassination attempts, no kidnappings, and no protests. Both Mai and Zuko considered themselves very lucky especially considering all the dire predictions they had listened to just after the war's end.

All three children were sleeping soundly, though it had taken a little longer than usual to settle Natsumi. Mai and Zuko had sat with her until she drifted off, a fresh trail of tears drying on her reddened cheeks. Mai's guts had twisted as she watched her daughter struggle with emotions and issues she had no business experiencing at her tender age. Zuko's hand, a constant warm presence on her waist as he sat behind her on Natsumi's bed, had made things easier, though.

He walked her back to their rooms, kissed her gently on the mouth, then left to find Toph. Mai was alone with her thoughts now, some pleasant and others not so much. She opened up the wide window that dominated one wall of their room and stepped out onto the balcony. The Fire Lady loved the night; the softness of the air, the inevitable cool down that occurred, the way everything ordinary suddenly looked mysterious and especially, Mai loved the sky. It seemed made up of every possible shade of black and midnight blue with the silvery white pinpricks of stars providing a halo for the moon.

Hugging her body warm with thin arms she breathed in the smell of night blooming jasmine and smiled. Mai never tired of the heady scent or the way it crept into their rooms, curling around their sleeping forms like an invisible mist. She thought of Ember Island then and their upcoming trip. Agni, the Fire Nation truly was beautiful, a fact that she hadn't really appreciated as a girl.

Soothed by the jasmine and the night air, Mai went to the desk and pulled out some writing paper. Ty Lee, her oldest friend, deserved to know exactly what was happening with her. Mai thought before she began to write but still ended up crumpling three sheets before she was satisfied with the result. How exactly did one tell her friend that she was very ill and could die soon without being painfully blunt?

The Kyoshi Warrior had an invitation to Ember Island if she wanted to join Mai, Zuko, the children, Iroh and possibly Toph. Mai was pretty certain that she would come and Mai was glad. Ty Lee's optimism and the joy she took in life were sometimes infectious. And there could never be enough joy at a time like this. Mai chuckled then, thinking of her fifteen year old incarnation and how Ty Lee's bubbly personality had driven _her_ crazy. Funny how time and maturity and the birth of your children made you appreciate things that before were stupid or annoying. It was funny how the possibility of death could change your perspective on a lot of things too.

With a shake of her head, Mai got up from the desk, and moved to her wardrobe. She undid the tiny buttons on her shirt and slipped it off, hanging it back up, then pulled down her skirt and put it away too. She unwound her bindings and then tugged on a loose sleep shirt and pants. Comfortable now, she extinguished all the lamps but one and sat at her meditation table, taking the time to look at the portraits of her three children. Mai had to smile. Sometimes it was still hard to believe that she and Zuko had made those three little people. Agni, she loved them with a ferocity that only a mother could feel. Zuko loved them too and he was a good father. They would be fine with him, better than fine. He cherished each of his children equally and wanted nothing more than for them to grow up as happy as they could be, strong, caring and able to take care of themselves.

Mai chose three of the scented candles and lit them carefully. The tiny flames flickered and danced with the breeze from the open window. She stared at them and breathed in deeply, soon finding herself very relaxed. She did her best to empty her mind of worry and random thoughts, instead focusing on the management of her pain. Like when she had meditated with Zuko, it became something dull and distant that she could hardly feel. The sheer relief was almost overwhelming and Mai felt a smile creep its way on to her face. A few moments without the pain that accompanied her everywhere was something to be treasured.

She didn't hear the door open and didn't sense her husband watching her. Zuko was glad to see Mai practicing what he had taught her. Though he had been the Avatar's firebending instructor and also taught his children, the Fire Lord still wasn't confident in his ability to impart knowledge to others. He simply watched, standing perfectly still, not wanting to disturb his wife. Mai looked so beautiful, so frail and yet so strong. Zuko felt those cursed tears start to form again but instead of giving in to his emotions, he slipped out of their rooms, down to the kitchen and brewed Mai her tea.

When he returned about half an hour later, carrying a tray in his hands, Mai was finished and sat in bed with a book face down on her lap. Her eyes were closed but she wasn't sleeping.

"Hey." She opened her eyes a crack and gave her husband a smirk. "How was your talk with Toph?"

Zuko set the tray down on the bedside table and sat down on the edge of the bed. "It was fine, good. You know Toph. Here," he reached over and poured a cup of the strong, bitter brew. "I made your tea."

"Thanks." Mai took the porcelain cup and held it between her two hands. The heat felt good. Wrinkling her nose in anticipation of the terrible taste, she took a long sip. "Ugh, this stuff just doesn't get better." She shuddered and then took another drink. "What did you and Toph talk about? You're all rumpled looking."

"Oh, you know, we talked about her school and The Duke, not much else." Zuko looked down at the carpet, not wanting to meet Mai's eyes. His fingers picked at the cool red silk of the sheets.

Mai rolled her eyes and then let out a low, raspy chuckle. "No matter how many times I hear someone say 'The Duke' or say it myself, it still sounds ridiculous. And you talked about more than that but I won't pry."

Zuko looked her in the eyes then, letting her know just how grateful he was. "Can I get you anything else? How did the meditation go? I walked in when you were in the middle of it, but didn't want to bother you."

"I'm fine, Zuko. I just want to go to sleep. And the meditation was good. I can see why you and Aang do it. It's, I hate to say spiritual, but that's the only word I can think of to describe it."

"Yeah, it is at that. Oh, Mai, anytime you want to go to Ember Island is fine. We can take the boat or the airship. The kids can miss some school….this trip is more important and the house will be ready for us."

"Good; we'll leave the day after tomorrow. Ty Lee might be joining us. I wrote her a letter and I'll send it off first thing tomorrow. I told her we would be there by the time she got the letter."

"Hmmm, okay, what about the others; Suki, Sokka, Aang, Katara? Do you want to see them too? I can make all the arrangements. I'm sure they want to see you, Mai."

"Hmmph, the heartfelt farewells to the dying woman; can't wait for that. But still, I do want to see them all, even though I was sort of hoping Ember Island would be a family thing. But asking Ty Lee already changed that."

"They could stay in another house. That way, we'd have privacy but could still spend time with everyone." Zuko lifted his one eyebrow and looked searchingly at Mai.

"Naw, the beach house has lots of room and all the kids will have fun staying together. As long as we have the privacy of our room, I'm okay with it."

"You're sure. This trip is for you and I want it to be perfect." Zuko leaned in and kissed Mai tenderly, cupping her face with his hands.

"Zuko.." Mai's voice was exasperated now. "I'm sure. Write the damn letters and we'll see who shows up." She wriggled her way under the covers then, her way of telling Zuko that the conversation was over. "Are you coming to bed?"

"Yeah, I'm coming."

Zuko couldn't be bothered to clean up so he simply tugged off his clothes and slid naked between the sheets, curling up against Mai's back. He put one hand flat against Mai's abdomen and applied gentle bursts of heat. He hoped that it would help with the pain too.

"Mmm, that feels good," Mai managed to say before falling asleep.

"I'm glad," Zuko whispered.

He buried his face in her hair and breathed in her scent.

* * *

A/N: Would you like to see the whole gang together at Ember Island or does it really matter one way or the other? I'm thinking that I'll bring everyone in…lots of interaction and some humor to lighten the mood a bit.

I guess I'm approaching the point where the story will veer in two different directions….dead Mai and not dead Mai. I've never written 2 separate endings before. I suppose I finish the story as I originally intended it first and then provide you with another few chapters that make up the alternate ending.

We'll see how it goes. Thanks for reading!

Alabaster


	17. Chapter 17

Weep Not Too Much

_**Chapter 17: I Seriously Couldn't Think of a Title**_

Mai and her uncle had just come back from Sen's and Masami's home. Their visit, a goodbye one for Junichi, was pleasant enough. At least, no arguments had broken out and both Mai's parents had tried their best to be kind and considerate.

"Are you sure that you won't come to Ember Island with us? It might actually be fun." Mai gave the man a playful poke in the stomach and then watched his expression with amusement.

The warden looked momentarily sad then plastered a smile that looked more like a grimace on his face. "I've been away from the prison long enough, Mai. I need to get back. Besides, I don't really like the beach. Now, I want you to write if you need me, though. Don't hesitate, okay? And write anyway to let me know how you're doing."

"I will. Do you want to say goodbye to the kids now, and Zuko? They're probably in the garden." Mai led the way without waiting for a reply, taking the shortest route to everyone's favorite area of the palace.

She was right; Zuko, the children, Toph and Iroh were all there, talking and laughing, watching Toph make all kinds of incredible shapes out of the soil. Akihiko was the most enthralled. He laid on the grass, stretched out on his stomach, little head in his little hands, taking everything in with huge, gold eyes.

"Told you," Mai whispered to her uncle and then approached the group.

She leaned over the bench that her husband sat on and wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing herself into his firm, warm body, taking comfort as she always did, from his perpetual heat.

"Hi, how was your visit with good old Mom and Dad?" Sarcasm, something Zuko didn't use nearly as much as Mai did, dripped off his tongue. "Oh, hi Junichi." Zuko nodded at Mai's uncle and gave him a tight smile.

"It was all right." Mai moved around the bench and perched herself in Zuko's lap. Touching him felt too good to let go of quite yet.

Junichi narrowed his eyes for a moment then shrugged as if giving up. His niece and her husband were never ones to follow tradition in their relationship. They were publicly affectionate, something frowned upon in noble circles, their courtship had been untraditional and their wedding a mix of old and new. Mai was far more involved in the day to day affairs of the Fire Nation than any Fire Lady before her and their children actually attended a public school with commoners. Why would they start following tradition now? Besides, there were much more pressing things to worry about.

"I've come to say goodbye," Junichi announced.

The children turned to face him then and Toph stopped her bending.

"Not coming to Ember Island then, Junichi? That's too bad." Iroh approached Mai's uncle, a smile on his face, and clapped the man on the back. "But I suppose that The Boiling Rock is calling you."

"Indeed, though I wish that I could stay. Perhaps I can come back in a few weeks." He looked regretful now and Iroh could see the fear in his eyes, the fear that Mai would die while he was gone.

"We'll take good care of your niece, all of us." The tea maker's words were soft and sympathetic and he kept his strong hand on the warden's broad, well muscled back.

"I know you will; thank you, Iroh." Junichi looked over at Zuko then. "You keep doing what you're doing, young man. Mai needs you now more than ever."

Zuko's first instinct was to snap at the man. He was fully aware that Mai needed him and of course he would continue to help her. What kind of husband did Junichi think he was? But he took a deep breath instead and nodded. "Anything I can, I'll do it. I think you know just how much I love your niece."

"I'm aware of that now." Junichi actually smiled at Zuko and moved forward, squeezing the Fire Lord's shoulder and bending down to kiss Mai's head.

"Kids, come say goodbye to your great uncle." Mai called the three children over and they moved obediently, showering the gruff man with hugs and kisses and words of affection.

"I'll miss you. I'm glad I got to spend so much time with all of you. You're good kids." He bent down and spoke softly then. "Be strong like I know that you can." There were tears in Junichi's eyes and surprisingly, he let them fall, unashamed of his emotions.

"See you round," Toph called and gave the warden a bright smile.

"Goodbye, earthbender."

Zuko and Mai walked Junichi to the gate. The Fire Lady, in the middle, linked one arm through Zuko's and the other through her uncle's. No one said anything. Everything important had already been spoken. There was nothing left but small talk or platitudes and what was the point? At the gate, the warden bowed to Zuko, a sign of respect, and then took the younger man's hand in his, a sign of his growing acceptance of and affection for the Fire Lord. Mai he pulled into a powerful hug. Junichi clung to his niece and she clung back, reluctant to see the man who was more a father to her than her own ever was, leave.

She waved sadly as her uncle moved through the gate and it closed behind him.

"You'll see him again," Zuko said optimistically, though Mai was unsure how true that statement really was.

He kissed her with a tenderness that made Mai tear up and tugged her arm gently, drawing her close to his side.

"I hope so."

* * *

When the children set eyes on the sea lions that were to pull their little ship to Ember Island, all three of them squealed with delight.

"I thought they might like this boat more than one with an engine." Zuko smiled as he held fast onto Akihiko.

Mai smiled back and held Natsumi's hand as the little girl dared to get closer to the creatures.

"Wow, are they going to pull us all the way to Ember Island?" she asked her mother.

"They are," Mai replied, recalling another time, years ago, when the sea lions had not impressed her at all. She ran a hand down the length of Natsumi's brown hair, stroking gently. "And they'll be well looked after too, so there's no need to worry about how tired and hungry they might get."

"K," the girl replied, satisfied now.

The large group, Mai, Zuko, the children, Iroh, Toph and Tom, boarded the boat, while servants carried their bags on to the deck, stacking them neatly in an isolated corner. Sun, their cook, along with two other servants was accompanying them to the island. It was hard enough getting Mai to eat without adding unappetizing food into the mix. Sun was a culinary genius, as far as the royals were concerned. Each of her meals managed to please everyone despite all their varying tastes.

When the boat made its way out of the harbor and into more open sea, Mai stood at the railing with her children, taking delight in their exclamations of pleasure as the sea spray hit them, and they watched sea birds dive for fish.

"Simple pleasures, yes, Mai?" Iroh remarked as he moved to stand beside his nephew's wife.

"Yeah, I've got a new appreciation for them." She smiled rather wistfully and looked over at her three kids. "Everything's new for them, fresh. I'm sort of seeing things like that again."

The tea maker put a warm hand on top of Mai's and gave her an encouraging smile. "I admire your bravery very much. Zuko knows how to pick them."

"I'm not brave, Iroh. I'm just doing what needs to be done. Anyone would do the same."

"I disagree. You've comported yourself with great dignity and even humor during your illness. Many others would wallow in self pity."

"I've got children to think about, and Zuko worries enough for all of us." Mai glanced over at her husband who was talking with Toph and Tom. Her eyes held warmth and love and affection and the barest hint of desire.

"Yes, he's always been a worrier. I suppose it's in his nature." Iroh stroked his long beard and stared silently out to sea for a few minutes. "Do you think all your friends will come? It will be quite the party if they do."

"Yeah, I have a feeling they'll all drift in over the next few days. I'm looking forward to it, but I kind of want some quiet time with Zuko too."

"Don't you worry; if the two of you want to be alone for awhile, I'll make certain that no one bothers you." Iroh looked suddenly very fierce and protective, like a father fox* looking out for its young.

"I appreciate that. We've made a lot of good memories on Ember Island, both before and after we had children. It's a special place."

Mai lost herself in remembrances then. Her first trip to the island was at ten years old, tagging along with Zuko and Azula and Lo and Li, designated babysitters. Zuko's mother was gone by then and Ozai had no interest in spending time with his children. So off they went, free to do pretty much anything, as long as they were back in the beach house by dark. Ten years old, Yasahiro's age; Mai chuckled as she recalled her blushing, stumbling awkwardness around Zuko. He was the same, of course, if not worse, but somehow, through all that, they formed a unique bond that withstood so much, and was now too strong for anything to defeat, even death. That was more philosophical than Mai usually got, but life threatening illnesses changed many things.

"Well, I'll leave you to your thoughts then." Mai never heard Iroh words and the sound of his footsteps retreating were lost on her too.

"Your wife is in a contemplative sort of mood." The tea maker squeezed in between Toph and Zuko, forcing the earthbender to shift further down the bench like seat.

Zuko looked over at Mai, standing with their children. Her back was straight and her black hair, a crowning glory if he had ever seen one, fell smoothly past her shoulders. The wind played with the tresses, moving them about gently, and played with her loose tunic as well. The soft cotton fluttered mischievously about in the cool sea wind. Mai's hand would move to Natsumi occasionally, playing with the girl's hair or running a finger lightly across a cheek.

Zuko's entire life stood on that deck, the four most important people to him, the ones that really mattered, the ones he would die for, kill for, do anything for. His chest felt tight suddenly and he breathed in deeply, trying to ease the pain.

Both Toph and Iroh reached out, letting him know that they were there; solid, warm, alive and more than willing to help.

"I know," Zuko muttered. "I know."

* * *

Once they arrived on Ember Island, it didn't take long to settle in, the kids dumping toys and clothes in their huge shared room, Iroh, Toph and Tom settling into theirs and Mai and Zuko taking the master suite, the one bedroom that both faced the sea and had a balcony. Sun was banging away in the kitchen, setting out her supplies and getting a late lunch started.

It was warm out, very warm, and the sun was almost painfully bright. It seemed to sparkle off both the sea and the sand, making everyone outside squint. Mai opened her small trunk and put her clothing away, then joined Zuko on the balcony. He wrapped his arm around her immediately, constantly seeking contact with her now, and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"It's beautiful, isn't it? The kids are going to have so much fun." Most of the very _few _happy times with his own family that Zuko could recall, took place on Ember Island. It was a place that encouraged calm and relaxation, unless you were an angst and guilt ridden confused prince, of course.

"They'll have a great time. I'm looking forward to just watching them." Mai paused for a moment. "Hey, Zuko, let's walk on the beach tonight, after everyone's asleep and it's completely dark except for the moon and the stars."

"Yeah, sure, I'd like that."

* * *

It was well past midnight and the temperature had dropped enough to make the air comfortable, almost cool. Mai wore a calf length skirt and a long, flowing tunic. She didn't bother bringing a cloak or warmer tunic. Zuko was her own personal heater. All he need do was hold her close and she would be fine. Her feet were bare and her hair completely free of pins and ties and clips. She felt happy and at ease as she and Zuko walked slowly along the water's edge, their feet leaving temporary impressions in the wet sand, impressions that would soon be erased by the ceaseless movement of the waves.

They held hands but didn't talk, each content for now to simply enjoy the company of the other. Zuko stole glances at Mai, taking in her lovely profile, earnestly trying to gauge her every thought and emotion and looking for any signs of discomfort. For once he wanted to anticipate things, not just react to them. She shivered slightly and Zuko took his hand from hers, slipping and arm about her shoulders instead, filling her up with his warmth. She frowned slightly once, in reaction to what, he wasn't certain.

"Are you okay?" he asked immediately.

"As okay as I can be," she replied smartly, giving him an expressive eye roll that only she was capable of. "Take it easy, Zuko. You don't have to be quite so attentive."

"Yes, yes, I do, Mai. You're my wife. I'm your husband. If I'm not attentive, who will be? I love you and I want to look after you."

"Okay, I get it and I appreciate everything that you do."

Mai looked a bit tired so Zuko stopped, gathered some driftwood and started a fire. They huddled together close to the blaze, watching the wood split and crack. It was mesmerizing, especially for Zuko. He would never, ever find fire dull or common. For him it was beyond special; it was a part of him.

"Zuko." Mai scooped up a handful of sand and then let it fall, creating a tiny mound.

"Mmmm," the Fire Lord replied. He was feeling almost drowsy now.

"Something's different. I feel different." Her words were hesitant and slow.

Zuko froze, fear striking quickly. Then he looked at his wife.

*according the internet (and when is it_ ever_ wrong?) red fox fathers are the most devoted fathers in the animal kingdom. Take that, grizzly bear!

* * *

A/N: Here's where the 2 endings will begin. I'll write the one in which Mai dies first, then begin from this point again, and make an ending in which she lives. So, maybe six more chapters in total…..at least that's what I'm thinking.

The gang will appear next chapter for sure.

Thanks to my faithful reviewers (Ix, weareseven, kimjuni, ) and anyone else who has left me one or more reviews. I read them all and appreciate them all.

Alabaster


	18. Chapter 18

**Weep Not Too Much**

_**Chapter 18: Death Aura**_

Mai's eyes were lowered and she continued to play with the sand, cool now and a bit damp. Her words hovered in the air between them, weighty and terrible.

"What do you mean different," Zuko finally managed to ask. His voice sounded more like the croak of a badger frog than that of a man. Terror clearly shined in his eyes and he clasped Mai's hand tightly in his. "Please, Mai, don't tell me that you're….."

"I'm sorry, Zuko," she whispered as if she had somehow disappointed her husband. "I can't hold on much longer." She looked at him then, her pale gold eyes bright with tears. "It's everywhere in me. I can feel it eating away, like it's some hungry beast. And the pain….I can't bear it. It's too much. It's too much."

"We should go home then." His words were desperate, grasping. "Chiko might…."

Mai cut him off harshly. "Chiko can't do a _damn_ thing and you know it. I wanted to come here and I want to stay. I'm going to enjoy what little time I have, Zuko. I have one last chance to see everyone I care about. I won't let you take that from me."

"That's not what I meant," the Fire Lord huffed. "I would never take anything away from you. Of course, we'll do whatever you want. Tell _me _what to do, Mai. Tell me how to make it easier for you."

"Be with me; that's all I want. Let's make the next few days really special if we can. Agni, Zuko, I need you."

Mai stood up shakily then and looked out at the ocean. She was perfectly still, her body relaxed and loose. She looked like a beautiful statue carved from white stone. Then her posture changed, grew rigid and stiff. She looked down at the handful of sand she held and then threw it with frightening viciousness. Mai bent down and picked up another, throwing that one too, her feet kicking angrily at the sand below her. A rock made its way into her grip next and she tossed it into the water. It made a loud plop and then sunk slowly down through the waves. She was moving quickly now, in a sort of mindless frenzy. Zuko had never seen her like that.

She hadn't expressed much anger at her situation as of yet. She'd managed to keep her emotions in check. Born a noblewoman, she was practiced in the art, after all. But, it seemed that now was the time to let them flow freely, rage included. She was like a simmering pot of water getting ready to boil. Zuko watched, saying nothing, letting her do what she needed to do.

"Iroh thinks that I'm brave," she hissed. "I'm _not_ brave. I'm scared and I'm so damned angry." She picked up a delicate looking shell and crushed it with her fingers, letting the little white crumbs fall from her hand like dust. The sharp pieces cut the tender flesh of her palm but Mai didn't notice. "I _hate _this. I hate being sick. It's not fair. Why couldn't someone like Ozai get this? Why does it have to be _me_? I have a family. I don't want to leave you."

Zuko couldn't sit any longer. He stood up and pulled her tightly into his arms. Mai relented and let herself sink into his embrace. She wept for a long time. Her entire body shook with sorrow and anger. When she finally pulled back, her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks smeared with tears and the blood from her injured hand.

"Let me see that," Zuko said softly and took her hand into his. He kissed the palm and then kissed Mai's lips. "It's fine."

"If only this illness could be fixed so easily." Mai tried to smile but failed miserably. "Zuko, don't tell anyone what I said, okay. I don't want anyone else to know how close it is. Will you do that for me?" The Fire Lord nodded mutely. "I'm really tired now."

He scooped her up and carried her back to the house and up to their room. Mai didn't protest; her fatigue was that great. She was asleep before Zuko had even pulled the blanket up over her. He sat in a chair beside the bed for the remainder of the night, dozing off now and again, but mostly just watching his wife. Soon, that joy would not be his any longer.

* * *

Ty Lee arrived late the next morning along with Sokka, Suki and their two sons. They had taken a boat from Kyoshi Island to the capitol and then a smaller boat to Ember Island. The adults looked apprehensive and worried while the boys, Qiu, eleven years old and Xing, nine, looked ready to play. They bounded off the boat and onto the beach, shrieking loudly as Sokka chased after them with mock warnings of sea monsters and mountainous waves.

Yasahiro spotted the boat from his spot on the front steps and immediately ran back into the house. He dashed up stairs and down hallways, yelling that Ty Lee had arrived. Zuko and Mai had only been up for a few minutes and the Fire Lord was still rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Where's Mom?" Yasahiro asked excitedly. "Aunt Ty Lee is here."

He glanced around the master bedroom but didn't see Mai. A brief look of panic crossed his face before Zuko placed a hand on his shoulder and said softly, "She's taking a bath."

"Oh, okay, good. Can I take Natsumi and Akihiko down to the beach to meet her? Oh, and Sokka and Suki are here too. This is going to be great."

"Go ahead," Zuko replied with a smile. He watched as his son tore back down the corridor, almost tripping as he bounded down the staircase and back out the front door.

He opened the bathroom door and peeked in at his wife. "Ty Lee is here and Sokka and Suki."

"I heard." Mai remarked dryly then finished washing up, giving her hair one final rinse, before standing up.

Zuko stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. He grabbed a huge towel, discreetly adding some warmth to it, and wrapped it around his wife. She leaned into his chest and let him dry her off.

"How's that?" he asked.

"It feels wonderful." Mai sighed and tried to burrow herself deeper into Zuko. "I'd like to stay here like this but we need to get going." She turned around, hugging the towel to her frail frame and gave Zuko a kiss. "I love you."

Zuko kissed her back and whispered words of adoration. He didn't want to let go of her. It took all of his willpower to stand aside and let Mai get dressed. "I'd better go tell Sun that we've got extras for lunch, although she probably heard Yasahiro shouting."

"I'll meet you downstairs. I'll be okay." She gave her husband a little shove to send him on his way. Zuko kept looking back as if afraid that Mai would vanish. "Go!" she urged.

He went.

* * *

Their guests were already climbing the front steps as Zuko pulled the door open on another sunny and hot day.

"Hey, Mr. Fire Lord, good to see you." Sokka, as tall as Zuko, and well muscled too, dragged his friend into a manly sort of embrace. "I'm sorry it's under such crappy circumstances. Where's Mai?"

"She's getting dressed. She'll be down soon. Hello, Suki. You look great. And Ty Lee, so do you. How's your boyfriend?"

"He's really good; in fact I've got some news, but that can wait. Come here, Zuko." Obediently, the Fire Lord moved forward into Ty Lee's arms. "I'm so sorry," she whispered as she rubbed his back soothingly. "You don't deserve this, you, Mai, the children. I want to see her, Zuko."

He felt tears prick at his eyes but fought against them. "Thanks, Ty Lee." As he moved back he caught sight of Sokka's and Suki's sons. "Hey, is that Qiu and Xing I see? Has Yasahiro got you busy already?"

"Hello, Uncle Zuko," they both replied happily. "Yasahiro wants to show us around. Is that okay? He's waiting outside with Natsumi and Akihiko."

"It's fine with me. Check with your parents." Suki gave them a nod and a warning to behave and be careful. "They look good, healthy and happy," Zuko remarked. "They'll have fun. I'm really glad that you're here, all of you, and so is Mai."

"You look exhausted, Zuko." Suki gave him a concerned look. "You need to take care of yourself."

"There will be plenty of time for that soon enough," he replied bitterly. "Mai is my concern now, Mai and the children."

"How are _they_ handling things?" Ty Lee covered her belly protectively, an action that Zuko did not fail to notice

"I'm not sure that they understand completely; Akihiko doesn't, of course. It's been difficult for them, watching their mother grow weaker. Ty Lee, are you pregnant? When Mai was pregnant, her hands always went to her belly whenever something upset her."

The one time acrobat and now Kyoshi Warrior couldn't help but beam. "Yeah," she said softly. "That was my news. Gao and I found out a few weeks ago. I feel guilty being happy when you and Mai are suffering so much."

"No, no, Ty Lee, don't feel guilty. It's wonderful news. Congratulations." He smiled back at the young woman who had known him since childhood. He was genuinely thrilled for her

"What are you congratulating Ty Lee for?" Mai joined the group, gliding silently down the stairs with a tight smile. It was obvious to anyone who looked closely enough that she was in great pain.

The woman in question bolted forward and grabbed hold of Mai, hugging her with the same boundless energy she did everything with. She stood back and examined her friend closely, looking her over from head to toe. Her smile faded. "Oh, Mai, it really is bad, isn't it?"

"What, do you see the aura of death around my head or something?" Mai's tone was amused, almost mocking.

Ty Lee lowered her eyes, and she found the wood floor beneath their feet very interesting all of a sudden. She twisted her hands together and found herself unable to speak. Mai pulled her aside. "It's okay, Ty Lee. I know that I'm dying soon, very soon. You can tell me what you saw and then you'd better tell me what you're so happy about."

The Kyoshi Warrior swallowed hard and then met Mai's eyes. "Your aura is pale blue, with bits of silver and white, almost like little sparks*. They're twinkling like stars, coming and going constantly."

"Am I supposed to know what that means?" Mai snapped a bit too sharply.

"It's beautiful." Ty Lee's eyes were brimming with tears now. She blinked and they moved down her cheeks, gathering on her chin and dropping down onto her simple pink tunic.

"Great, it's beautiful, but I assume it means that death is near. Am I right? It's not as if I can't sense it myself." Mai didn't feel like comforting her friend. She was suddenly tired of all the tears, hers and those of others.

"Yeah…that's what it means." Ty Lee sniffed. She wiped at her nose and then brushed her tears away. "Agni, Mai, I feel so awful. How did this happen? What's Zuko going to do without you? Oh, the kids; those poor little things will be lost."

"Not helping, Ty Lee; just stop now. Tell me your good news."

"I'm going to have a baby. I know we should have gotten married first, but it sort of happened accidentally. Gao's really excited, though, and so am I."

"Now _that_ helps. Wow, you're going to be a mother! When, in about six months? And who cares about getting married first. You're happy right?"

"Really happy, Mai."

The Fire Lady closed her eyes for a moment and tried to picture Ty Lee with a child. It wasn't that difficult to do and it was a very pleasant image. "You'll be a great mother, Ty. And Gao had _better_ be excited."

They embraced again then moved back to the rest of the group.

"Hey guys, sorry for monopolizing Mai." Ty Lee held fast on to her friend's hand as they talked with Suki and Sokka.

The couple was unsure what to say. Sokka shuffled his feet awkwardly and shoved his hands inside his pants pockets. "Hi, Mai; are you ready to have some fun? You've gotta enjoy what time you have left," he finally blurted out.

Suki swatted him savagely and looked at Mai with apologetic blue eyes.

"Not a problem, Suki. Sokka's right. I should enjoy my friends."

"Well, _he_ should learn to think before he speaks."

"Zuko has that problem too," Mai chuckled. "Nothing much has changed."

They both laughed this time and Zuko shot what passed for a glare in their direction. With the discomfort and awkwardness out of the way, the dynamic amongst the group returned to what it usually was.

"So, when do we get something to eat around here? And Suki and I would love to see our bedroom." Sokka elbowed Zuko and waggled his eyebrows.

"Lunch is soon and I'll show you your room. The kids are all staying in one. It's huge. Is that okay?"

"Sounds like fun." Suki took Sokka's arm and followed Zuko up the stairs.

"Why don't we go find the children, Ty Lee," Mai suggested. "You need the practice."

She agreed eagerly, swinging her long brown braid over her shoulder and stepping back out into the sunlight.

* * *

The remainder of the day was spent pleasantly; they ate and drank tea and sat on the beach with the kids, who waded in the surf and tried their hand at sandcastles. Toph made remarkably accurate renderings of cities and buildings and animals much to the amazement of adults and kids alike. Tom and Sokka swam with the children, Ty Lee helped with the castles while Iroh sat back and took it all in. He stayed close to his nephew and Mai, sensing something different between them, something that scared him.

"Twinkletoes and Sugar Queen are here," Toph declared, using her old nicknames for Aang and Katara. "I can hear Appa."

Sure enough, the great bison flew into view a few seconds later and landed on the beach, just in front of the group. All five kids were drawn instantly to the creature, petting and rubbing and asking it questions that only children would ask. Sokka went to greet his sister and Aang, giving her a quick hug and a peck on the cheek and her husband a hearty back slap.

"How's Mai?" Katara asked without preamble. Aang glanced over at the Fire Lord and his wife, sadness evident on his face.

"Not good." Sokka shook his head.

"Tenzin, Kya, go play with the kids, okay." Katara looked up at her children and gave them a nod.

Tenzin who was nine, used his improving airbending to get off the bison, while Kya, seven, climbed down its tail then ran to greet her cousins and friends. They were eager to stretch their legs, having been on Appa for a long time.

Natsumi approached the Avatar's children. She held out her hand to Kya. "Wanna play?"

The little girls were off in their own world within seconds. Katara smiled as she watched the scene unfold. It was a great group of children, not without temperament and bad behavior occasionally, but great nonetheless. She took Aang's hand and walked toward Mai and Zuko. The Fire Lord stood up and before he said anything, Aang hugged him with a ferocity that shocked Zuko.

"I'll help you get through this, Zuko. You're my best friend. I'll do anything for you." Aang's voice was soft and comforting.

Zuko was touched and had no words. He simply nodded and hugged Aang just as tightly.

"Mai," Katara said as she sat down beside her friend. "Maybe I can help with the pain. How about we go inside? Your kids are fine. Zuko's fine."

"How could I possibly refuse an offer like that?" Mai drawled.

Katara laughed and helped Mai up from her seat on a blanket. She looked to Zuko. "Mai and I are going inside for a bit. We'll let you know when it's time to get cleaned up for dinner."

The waterbender kept an arm around Mai as the two walked slowly back to the house. "We're all here for you. We love you, Mai."

'That love isn't enough,' Mai thought, but remained silent.

*if you believe in that sort of thing, a person who is nearing death (especially those who have suffered with an illness like Mai's) has an aura like that. First it fades to almost nothing, then comes back this blue with sparkly bits.

* * *

a/n: What can I say? That was sort of hard to write and the next few chapters will be even more difficult. Thanks to those who are sticking with the story. Your reward will be the alternate 'happy' ending.

Alabaster


	19. Chapter 19

**Weep Not Too Much**

_**And come he slow or come he fast, it is but Death who comes at last.  
Sir Walter Scott**_

_**Chapter 19: Death Comes**_

"Is this helping at all?" Katara asked with concerned blue eyes.

She pulled back her hand which was surrounded by water that seemed to fit it like a glove or mitten. The waterbender was doing her utmost to ease Mai's extreme discomfort, using her healing powers in an attempt to block the Fire Lady's pain.

"Do you want me to be honest or make you feel better?" Mai quirked her eyebrows upward and then waited for her friend's reply.

"Be honest."

"It's not doing a thing. Anyway, it doesn't matter anymore, Katara. Don't worry."

The Avatar's wife frowned; she wasn't quite sure what Mai meant by that last remark. "But I _do_ worry; that's who I am. Is there anything else that I can do?"

Mai leaned back into her soft pillows and thought for a moment. "You could run downstairs and see how dinner is coming along. And I want the children to clean up before we eat too. Could you take care of that for me? I'd like some time alone to write some letters."

"Letters?" Katara looked curious now.

"Yes, letters. They won't be easy ones either." Mai struggled weakly to get off the bed. Katara wrapped an arm around Mai's shoulders and helped ease her up. "Thanks; I'm fine now."

"Okay, then; I'm leaving. Do you want me to send Zuko up after awhile?"

Mai shook her head. "He can come up whenever he wants." She waited until Katara was gone then walked to the desk and pulled out the chair. It sat in front of one of the windows and Mai could see her husband and children down at the beach. She observed them all for a few minutes. Akihiko was digging in the sand every bit as enthusiastically as a badgermole might, Toph right beside him. Yasahiro was playing in the surf with the other boys, kicking and splashing. Natsumi played with Kya, the pair collecting shells and who knew what else from the beach while Zuko sat with Aang and Iroh. His back was to her but Mai knew that it was taking all his strength to remain where he was rather than running in to the house to be with her. She smiled wistfully as she thought about her family growing and changing without her there to watch. A deep, piercing feeling of sadness hit her then. Her chest was tight and it was difficult for her to breathe. Mai folded her arms on the desk and let her head rest on them. "Get a hold of yourself, Mai," she whispered. It took a few minutes, but she regained her composure and dug around for the writing supplies.

With brush poised and ready, and with paper spread out smoothly before her, Mai began. She didn't edit her words but chose rather to let them flow freely. She wanted her husband and her children to get a real sense of how she was feeling and what she really thought about them. It would be a long time before they read the letters, enough time to have healed, at least partially. Mai hoped the letters would be like a tiny piece of her that they could hold in their hands and read over and over if they chose, or store away somewhere safe, only to bring them out when needed or when the simple desire struck them. She wanted her children and her beloved to have some of her words stay with them. She wanted to comfort them and love them even after she was gone.

When she was done and all the ink was dry, Mai carefully rolled up one letter at a time, putting the right name on the outside of each scroll. She opened desk drawers looking for string or ribbon and eventually found enough to tie around each letter.

"There," she declared with satisfaction.

She would give the letters to her brother for safekeeping and let him decide the appropriate time to deliver them. Mai chuckled at the image of Tom as some sort of messenger boy, but she trusted him to know when the right time was.

Taking a glance out the window, Mai saw that the beach was completely empty now. She could hear the noise from downstairs; children talking and laughing, Katara giving orders, Iroh chuckling, dishes and cookware clattering. They were the sounds of life, the sounds of the living and Mai felt as though she didn't quite belong anymore. With a weary sigh, she got up from her chair, letters in hand, and headed downstairs.

* * *

As soon as she descended to the lower level, holding on tightly to the railing, Zuko was there, putting his arm around her waist and pulling her in for a kiss. "I've been waiting for you. How was your session with Katara?"

"A waste of time, but I got something important finished. Is Tom in the kitchen?"

"Yeah, he is. Do you need him?" Zuko looked at his wife quizzically.

Mai nodded. She cupped Zuko's cheek and stroked the line of the bone with her thumb. "Would you get him, please?"

"Anything," he breathed softly. "Give me a second."

Zuko entered the kitchen and tapped an animatedly talking Tom on the shoulder. "Mai wants you. She's out in the foyer."

"Okay; thanks, Zuko."

Tom left to talk with Mai while Zuko gathered up his children and sat with them at the table. They watched as Sun and Iroh finished the dinner preparations. Directly in front of him, there was a pot of mint tea, hot and wonderful smelling. He poured himself a cup. Zuko wished that he could hear what Mai and her brother were talking about, but if she had wanted him out there, Mai would have asked.

* * *

Tom guided Mai to the window seat in the living room. "What have you got there?" He pointed to the scrolls tucked under Mai's arm.

"They're letters; one for Zuko, one for Yasahiro, one for Natsumi and one for Akihiko."

"I didn't think the little guy could read yet," Tom quipped.

Mai shot him a dark look and he grew serious once more. "I want you to keep these for me, Tom. If I don't make it, and when you feel the time is right, I want you to give them to Zuko and the kids. Will you do that for me?"

"Crap, Mai, why do you have to do that? It sounds like you've given up." The eighteen year old looked down at his hands. His mouth was twisted into a grimace.

"Tom," Mai said gently. "I need to prepare myself in case the worst happens. If I get better, the letters won't matter anymore. But if I don't, I'll have written them and my family will have something of me left. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, yeah, I understand. It's, oh, Mai, this whole thing is crazy. Why did this happen? You and Zuko and the kids are all the family I really have. Mom and Dad, well, you know what they're like. Agni, if you go, I'll miss you, Mai, more than I think you realize."

"I have a vague idea," the Fire Lady smirked. She took Tom's hand then and held on to it tightly. "I'm glad that I finally stopped acting like an idiot all those years ago and got to know my little brother. Turns out he wasn't so bad after all." Mai was teasing now, but her words were honest and heartfelt.

"I love you too Mai," Tom retorted with a dryness that rivaled his sister's.

She snorted and then really looked at her brother, examining every inch of him. He was a handsome young man, a lady killer already, and smart. More importantly, though, he had a good heart. Whoever he ended up marrying, if he ever decided on anyone, would be a lucky woman.

"Listen, when, if it happens, will you tell Mom and Dad that I care." She couldn't bring herself to say 'love'. "Tell them that their grandchildren will need them. Tell them that I would like them to play a bigger role in their lives."

"Yeah, I'll tell them, Mai."

He sounded terribly young all of a sudden and Mai pulled him into her arms. "It will all be okay," she soothed, running a hand through his hair. "Everything will be all right."

Tom snuffled into her shoulder. "I wish that I could believe you."

* * *

After dinner and when the sun was making its glorious descent, somehow always more spectacular by the sea, the large group moved down to the beach and made a gigantic bonfire. The children had clamored for one all through dinner and there was no reason to deny them. Everyone had changed into warmer clothes since the Ember Island nights almost always grew quite cool.

Mai sat between Zuko and Ty Lee. She wanted to ask her friend more about the child she carried and the life that she wanted to lead on Kyoshi Island.

"Ty, sorry I was a bit abrupt when you arrived. I guess that I…"

The warrior simply shook her head, dismissing Mai's apology. "There's no need."

Mai shrugged. "Okay, then tell me about you and Gao and the baby. I want to hear everything."

Ty Lee launched herself into the topic like a fireball from a trebuchet. She spoke quickly and excitedly and was hard to follow. It was adorable really and the woman's happiness gave Mai a warm feeling.

"Oh, Mai, we were careful. I wasn't supposed to get pregnant, but it happened anyway. Maybe it's a good thing. I mean maybe we would have waited too long and then I we wouldn't have been able to have a baby and that would have been terrible. Gao is so sweet. He worries about me too much, though. He wanted to come but you know how shy he is. Anyway, we're planning to get married in a few months. I'll be big by then, almost six months pregnant, but I don't care. Everyone on Kyohsi is so great, Mai. I really love it there. Gao's got his own little house and it will be perfect for me and him and the baby. I hope it's a girl. Is that wrong?"

She paused to take a breath and Zuko stared at her with a mix of shock and grudging admiration. "Agni, Ty Lee, how do you do that?"

"Do what?" the grey eyed woman asked innocently.

Both Mai and Zuko laughed. Once they began, neither could stop. They were holding on to each other with tears streaming down their faces. Ty Lee looked on with amazement.

"It wasn't that funny, was it?"

"Hey, what's going on over here?" Toph joined the little group.

Zuko took a deep breath before answering. "It's just one of those things; haven't you ever laughed like that for no good reason?"

"Yeah, but _you_ don't usually." Toph gave Zuko a punch. "I like the way you sound when you laugh, you and Mai."

"Indeed, that was music to my ears," Iroh stated with a delighted smile. There was sadness in his whiskey coloured eyes, though.

"Oh, Ty Lee does that all the time. Listening to her gives me a headache. Oh, crap, here comes the smack." Sokka braced for impact.

"Well, if you know it's coming there's not much point, is there?" Suki shook her head and sighed. "Sokka is still so much like a child."

"I can attest to that." Katara nodded in vigorous agreement.

"Sorry, Sokka," Mai joined in. "I'll have to agree with your wife."

"Hey, I resent that, woman, women. I'm perfectly mature, and you know it. Guys, help me out here. Zuko? Aang? Anyone?"

"I'm not getting on Suki's bad side," Aang declared. "Sorry, Sokka."

"What happened to the brotherhood of men? I'm disappointed in all of you." The Water Tribesman looked forlorn and disappointed but then flashed a brilliant smile. "But I'll forgive you this once."

"I can't tell you how relieved I am." Zuko reached out with his foot and gave his friend a gentle kick.

"I know, eh?"

Everyone laughed this time.

* * *

The evening wore on and darkness fell. Children drifted off into sleep, curled up against the warmth of their parents. Iroh dozed off for a few minutes at a time and then awoke with a start wondering what he had missed. Mai was beyond tired but didn't want the night to end. It was perfect.

'Except for the dying part.' She chuckled quietly to herself; her thoughts, though morbid, were humorous and they were peaceful too, as though she had finally accepted things.

Sokka pulled a bottle of rice wine from somewhere on his person and passed it around. Everyone took a hearty swig and the alcohol's potency soon brought a bit of crazy out in each of them. There was a lot of laughter then, the laying down on the sand and kicking their feet like children kind, and snorting and gesticulating. Mai felt a hot glow from the liquor. She knew that her cheeks were pink and her eyes exceptionally bright. For a few minutes, as the alcohol made its way through her bloodstream, the pain that was her constant and miserable companion, faded to almost nothingness. It was wonderful. She snuggled in close to Zuko and he put an arm around her, then kissed the top of her head.

"Are you tired?" he asked.

Mai nodded.

"Do you want to go up to the house now?"

She nodded again.

"Hey, guys, we're calling it a night." Zuko stood up a bit clumsily and held out his hand for Mai.

"The kids," Mai giggled.

"Oh, yeah, we'll take ours up to the room." Zuko reached down and picked up Yasahiro.

The ten year old was a solid weight in his arms.

"Let me help," Tom offered. He got up from his spot and picked up Natsumi. "Mai, can you handle Akihiko?"

"Mmm, I've got him." She cradled her youngest close, enjoying the special smell that little boys seemed to have. Mixed in with that scent was the smell of seawater and the spicy seafood that they had eaten for dinner.

"I think we'll get to bed too." Katara stood up and Aang joined her.

It was like a flood after that. The remainder of the group got up from their spots by the fire, which Zuko extinguished with the flick of a hand. They trudged up the path to the beach house and then up the stairs and through the front door. Once on the top level, parents lay their children down on futons that were spread out in organized rows across the wooden planks of the floor. Mai lingered after everyone had said goodnight, all of her friends and family members giving her tight hugs and meaningful looks before retiring to their own rooms. She wanted to simply stare at her children for awhile.

Zuko hovered in the doorway, a flame held in his palm to give his wife some light. He watched as Mai knelt by each of their children and whispered something in their ears, before stroking their faces and placing a kiss on each forehead. Tears prickled at his eyes. She shouldn't have to say goodbye to the kids. _They _shouldn't have to lose her. What kind of world let Ozai live on in good health when no one cared and yet allowed his Mai to die? He would never understand.

"You can take longer if you like," Zuko said as his wife approached the doorway.

"No, I'm done." Mai took one last glance and then left the room, pulling the door closed behind her.

* * *

Despite her fatigue, Mai washed her hands and face and brushed her teeth before slipping out of her clothes and into a light nightgown. With a sigh of satisfaction she slid between the sheets and stretched out. Zuko crawled into the bed and immediately curled up close to her.

"Did you have fun?" he yawned.

"Yes, I did." She brushed shaggy brown bangs back from his forehead and kissed the warm skin beneath. "Zuko, I want...I want you to make love to me."

Under normal circumstances, Zuko would be eager to oblige his wife. But now he was hesitant. "I'm not sure that I can, Mai."

"You can," she replied slyly and began to touch him intimately. She knew every sensitive spot and exactly how to arouse him. Her movements were urgent, almost frantic. She wanted this very badly.

"Okay, okay," the Fire Lord smiled. "I'm ready."

They took things slowly, exploring each other with fingers and tongues, enjoying every little sensation, every hot flood of ecstasy and then the culmination of all their touching. It was sweet and beautiful, wonderful and terribly sad.

Mai slept soundly afterward, her head nestled into that spot she loved, the one between Zuko's neck and his shoulder. Her breathing was soft, too soft, and a few times before he slept himself, Zuko was almost certain that the breathing had stopped.

* * *

She was surprised to feel the sun on her face. Mai had been almost certain that she would die during the night. Agni, it felt good. She shifted back a bit and looked at Zuko, who still slept.

"Some firebender you are," she teased. "The sun's been up for awhile already."

Zuko blinked his eyes open and smiled at Mai. "Good morning." He kissed her then, just a brush of his lips against hers.

Mai smiled back. "Let's go out on to the balcony. It's a beautiful day."

Zuko obliged. He climbed out of bed and pulled on a pair of pants while Mai found a tunic to slip on and then walked out into the sun. The beach was empty save for the occasional sea bird that lighted on the sand. The sun was almost too bright; it blinded Mai. She covered her eyes with a hand and continued to look out at the deep, rich blue of the water.

"Wanna sit?" Zuko asked when he stepped onto the balcony. He indicated a chair that sat in the corner looking very lonely.

Zuko dragged the chair further into the sun and pulled Mai down onto his lap. He wrapped strong arms around her middle and pulled her in as close as he could. Mai laid her head against Zuko's chest and listened to his heart, so strong and steady and sure. It was like the waves that continually rolled up to smack against the shore and then pulled out again, only to repeat the motion over and over, a motion that had existed since the beginning of time and would until the end.

The two sounds, the beating of Zuko's heart and the crashing of the waves became one and Mai felt herself begin to drift. She wasn't frightened, only sad to leave everyone behind and worried for them all. There was no pain anymore, just a steady rhythm that carried her away.

Zuko could sense her leaving and knew the moment that she was gone. He didn't wail or moan or cry. He simply kissed her and then carried her back to their bed, laying her out carefully. Quietly, he left the room and crept downstairs. He made himself some tea and sat at the kitchen table. Later, as his friends and family and his children drifted downstairs and joined him, he looked up and said. "She's gone."

* * *

A/N: I didn't expect to have this chapter done so soon, but I got on a real roll today. I hope I did Mai's last day and her death justice.

I don't mean to be pretentious with the quotation at the beginning, but I was reading various writings about death (cheerful work) and this one fit.

Next chapter will deal with the funeral and the aftermath. And then comes the alternate, much happier ending.

Thanks!

Alabaster


	20. Chapter 20

**Weep Not Too Much**

_**Chapter 20: Ritual**_

It was Ty Lee who broke down and ran to Zuko. She wrapped her arms around him and wept. It was the Fire Lord who comforted her. He whispered that Mai's passing was very peaceful and that her last day had been everything she had wished for. He mentioned Mai's happiness for her oldest friend's pregnancy and her wishes that Ty Lee have a good life, a wonderful life.

"Oh, Zuko, I should be helping you, not the other way around." She stood up then and wiped angrily at her nose and then closed tired looking eyes. "I'm sorry, Zuko. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with all this."

"Thanks and it's fine, Ty Lee. You loved her too. And, I feel sort of frozen right now. There are things that I need to do. And I can't keep breaking down. I need to stay strong until the rituals are completed."

Zuko grabbed his friend's hand and gave it an affectionate squeeze before gesturing for his children to come to him. The rest of the group talked amongst themselves, touching Zuko and the kids with gentle hands, trying to come to terms themselves with Mai's passing. No matter how well prepared anyone is for a loved one's death, that death, when it happens, is still devastating. Until the person is really gone, you cannot imagine life without him or her. You don't _want_ to because such thoughts are heartbreaking.

"Daddy….Mommy's gone?" Natsumi crawled up onto Zuko's lap and buried her head into his chest.

He stroked her hair soothingly and then rubbed her back. "Yes, Natsumi, she's gone. She died this morning." Zuko's voice cracked just a bit and he took a deep gulp of air then breathed it out slowly. "Come here, Yasahiro." He held out his other arm to his older son and surrounded the boy with warmth. "Your mother loved all of you more than words can say. If she could have stayed, she would have. But the sickness was too much for her. I miss her already and I know that all of you do as well. We're going to need each other more than ever now. I know that you'll help with your brother and sister, Yasahiro. Can I count on you?"

The ten year boy old gave his father a brisk nod and Zuko gave him an encouraging smile in return. "I can do it, Dad." He took a bewildered Akihiko by the hand and straightened the little boy's rumpled sleep tunic. "Akihiko, come give Daddy a hug."

Zuko smiled and grabbed his approaching three year old, smothering his little head with kisses. "Hi, Akihiko," he said softly.

"Hi, Daddy. Everybody's sad. Unca Iroh's crying. How come?"

"Yes, everyone _is _sad." How could he explain Mai's death to such a young child? There was no way he would understand completely. Then which of them did? "Your mommy died. We won't be able to see her anymore."

Akihiko looked pensive. "Died? Like that turtleduck one time?"

"Yeah, like that. Remember what we did with the turtleduck?" Zuko looked deep into the little boy's wide eyes.

He nodded vigorously. "We wrapped it up and then we burned it."

"That's right. We burned it so that the turtleduck could become ash again. Tradition says that the Fire Nation people and its animals and birds all were made from ashes We want Mommy to return to ash as well. That way she can….that way her spirit will be free."

Zuko didn't really believe in the creation story of the Fire Nation people, nor did he really believe in the possibility of rebirth. But he knew that Mai was so much more than simply body. She was spirit and fire as well and the traditional funeral was still something that he wanted for Mai. She deserved no less. He needed to get her home.

Carefully, he lifted Natsumi from his lap and put her back on her own two feet, giving her a kiss on the forehead. Akihiko he lifted into his arms. The warm little body felt so good there, so solid and real and alive. He directed his next words at everyone.

"I need to take Mai home as soon as possible. If you will look after the children for me, I'll tend to her."

Tom and Iroh both approached the Fire Lord. It was Zuko's uncle who almost smothered him and Akihiko with a fierce embrace but it was Mai's brother who spoke. "Are you certain that you want to do that, Zuko." The young man's eyes filled with tears. "I can help you with my sister. Iroh can help too."

"No, thank you, but I need to do this myself. Please, could you pack everything up and get the boat loaded. We should be in Capitol City before the day ends. The funeral will be held tomorrow at sunset. Oh, and Tom, you need to tell your uncle and your parents. There's a messenger hawk tower in town. Junichi will kill me if he misses the funeral. Please, do that right away."

He handed Akihiko over to Iroh and as he made his way out of the kitchen he was engulfed by hugs and words of comfort from everyone.

"We all love you, Zuko. Mai was, well, she was just about my best friend. I hate that she's gone and I hate that you and your kids have to suffer. I'll stick around for as long as you like. The Duke will understand. If he doesn't, I'll just have to make him."

Zuko chuckled softly. "And I'm sure that you could, Toph."

The earthbender gave Zuko a quick hug and then whispered in his ear. "Mai would be proud of you. I know that I am."

* * *

The sight of Mai on the bed, as beautiful in death as she was in life, nearly tore Zuko's heart out. He stood in the doorway for a moment, trying to gain his composure. When he was ready, he stepped across the threshold and approached the bed.

"Love you, Mai," he declared quietly and then brushed his warm lips against her cool ones.

He traced her features with his fingertips, running them over eyebrows and cheeks and nose and chin. Then he simply stared, trying to imprint the image of her face in his memories. He never wanted to forget and soon, so very soon, he would never be able to set eyes on her again. The thought was terrifying and Zuko felt a sense of panic flood him. What would he do without her? What would his life be like? How could he possibly manage?

With great reluctance he began the process of wrapping Mai's body. He began at her feet, wanting to leave her face uncovered for as long as possible. He took the fine silk sheet that she lay upon and folded it over Mai, pulling it snugly, making it conform to her body. After one final kiss to the forehead, he covered her face.

"Agni," he whispered. "Oh, Agni." Tears filled his eyes then and he let them fall freely. They made a pattern of damp spots on the shroud. "I need some ribbon." Saying the words out loud was somehow calming. The Fire Lord wandered over to the desk and eventually found some. Carefully, he tied the shroud tightly at her feet, at her head and across her middle.

He packed up Mai's belongings next along with his own and then went downstairs to join the others.

* * *

_**The following day, Capitol City**_

Zuko awoke with the sun, stretching his cramped and aching body and covering a wide yawn. He'd hardly slept, his first night without Mai and he looked it. Dark circles under his eyes marred his pale skin and his entire body screamed fatigue. He couldn't bear to lie in _their_ bed so had curled up on the couch instead and _it_ wasn't particularly comfortable for sleeping. With a heavy sigh he heaved himself up and walked into the bathroom, but not without stopping to stare at that bed he had shared with Mai for fifteen years.

To anyone else, it was simply a piece of furniture; beautifully crafted wood covered by a mattress and layers of luxurious silk. But it was so much more than that for Zuko. It was the centre of their life as husband and wife. It was where they expressed their love, where they shared secrets and sorrows and funny stories. It was where their children were conceived and where their children were born. It was where Mai shared the news of each pregnancy, where they discussed their problems and expressed their anger. It had been the centre of their life and now it was a cruel reminder of all that Zuko had lost.

He brushed his hand across Mai's pillow then went to relieve himself. Zuko didn't feel like bathing yet. He would clean up closer to the time of the funeral. All he really wanted to do was crawl back up onto the couch, close his eyes and sleep, maybe dream of something wonderful. But dreams needed waking up from and that might be too painful. No, he would go see his children instead. Now was not the time to be selfish. They needed their father.

All three children still slept soundly so Zuko wandered the halls, dressed in his sleeping clothes, and eventually ended up in the kitchen. Sun was already at work and she gave him a sad smile. At the small table, Aang sat with Katara. Each of them nursed a cup of tea.

"Come sit, Zuko." Aang pushed back a chair for his friend and patted it invitingly.

The Fire Lord nodded and sat. Sun brought him fresh tea after a few minutes and a sweet roll. "You need to eat, my lord. Lady Mai would not want you getting sick."

"How do you know what my wife would want?" Zuko snarled. "You didn't know her, not like I did."

"I, um, I'm sorry, my lord. I didn't mean to offend." Sun's eyes filled with tears and she dabbed at them with her apron.

"Zuko, that won't help anything." Katara put her hand on his. "And Sun is right. You need to take care of yourself, if not for you then for your kids."

"I apologize, Sun." Zuko looked guilty and upset now. "You've been very good to me and my family. You didn't deserve that. Thank you for the tea and the roll." He took a swig of the liquid then a large bite of the warm pastry.

"I understand, my lord. We, all of us are sad, none more than you, of course, but Lady Mai meant a lot to me too."

"Why don't you take the day off, Sun. We're fine here."

"No; I like to keep busy and cooking and baking are soothing to me. Besides you all still have to eat. Little stomachs will still be hungry. And I want everyone to have good, fresh food."

Zuko was touched by Sun's words. "Thank you," he whispered. "We all appreciate your hard work."

"How are you feeling exactly?" Aang asked. "You didn't sleep well, did you? I don't know how you could."

"No, no, I didn't. And I feel so strange, so incredibly sorrowful, so, ugh, I can't even explain myself. It's like I'm not really me anymore, without Mai here. Who am I now? What am I going to do?"

Katara's eyes welled up and she reached over to give her friend a hug. "I wish my father was here. He went through the same thing. He might be able to help you. I feel useless."

"None of you are useless. It's good that you're all here for the funeral. It's when you all leave, and I'm alone again, that everything will seem, I don't know, that much more real. I might be paying all of you visits more than I used to, if that's all right?"

"Zuko, you're welcome any time, for as long as you like." The Avatar put a hand on his friend's shoulder and squeezed. "We are here for you and those aren't just words. I mean it."

"I know you do, Aang. Listen, I'm going to go check on my kids. I'll see you later."

Zuko pushed the rest of the sweet roll into his mouth and left.

* * *

A quiet knock on Yasahiro's door awakened Zuko. He and the three children had all fallen asleep curled up together on the boy's bed. He slid off carefully, not wanting to awaken the exhausted little group and made his way to the door. Junichi stood on the other side, wearing an expression that seemed foreign on his broad, tough face. He looked heartbroken and almost frail.

Zuko glanced back at his children and then up at Mai's uncle again. "They're sleeping. They need it."

"Were you with her?" the warden blurted out. "She didn't die alone, did she?"

"I was with her," Zuko assured the man in a broken voice. "She was in my arms and she was peaceful."

"I'm so glad that she had you there. Mai loved you, Zuko. She loved you so much and she always made a point of telling me that." He smiled tightly at the memory. "Is she with the sages now?"

"Yes, everything is as it should be. The funeral is at sundown. I'm grateful that you made it."

"How are the children coping? Do they understand?" Junichi edged by Zuko and peered at the three sleeping forms. They looked so small and vulnerable.

"Yasahiro and Natsumi, I think they get that Mai is gone. Akihiko, he asks for her and looks for her. I did my best to explain."

"Zuko, I'm sure that you did well. Do you know where Iroh is? I'd like to speak with him."

The Fire Lord shrugged. "Try his room. It's that one." Zuko pointed down the hall. "If he's not there, maybe he's in the kitchen."

"All right." Junichi stared at Zuko awkwardly then pulled him into a rough hug. "Thank you for taking care of her."

"Hmmm," Zuko nodded.

He watched as Junichi walked down the hallway and felt a burgeoning affection for the man he once disliked.

* * *

Zuko struggled to pull his daughter's thick brown hair into a topknot. He wanted to throw the damn brush at the mirror but managed to maintain his control.

"That hurts, Daddy. You're pulling too hard."

He kissed her head and whispered his apology. "Let me try again. You've got a lot of hair, little girl." His second attempt was more successful but still on the sloppy side. "Maybe Katara or Suki can do it, okay. Daddy's not good with hair."

Iroh popped his head into the bedroom to check on his nephew. He was dressed in the white of mourning as were Zuko and the children. "How's it going in here?"

"We're managing," Zuko replied. "Can you do hair, Uncle? I'm ruining Natsumi's."

"Let me find someone. It's not my specialty either."

The old man came back with Suki a few minutes later. The Kyoshi Warrior put up the girls' hair quickly and efficiently. "There," she declared with a flourish. "Zuko, can I do anything else? What about Akihiko?"

"Sure, that would be a big help, Suki." Zuko watched as his friend fixed Yasahiro's and Akihikio's hair and then looked to the Fire Lord. "Yours is a bit lopsided too. Come here." Obediently, he went to Suki and allowed her to tidy up his hair as well. She inserted his diadem and then stood back to examine him. "Much better. I need to go back to my boys and make sure that they're ready. Is there something I can get for you? Do you want anyone else?"

"Um, no, I don't think so." He looked out the window. "The sunset is almost here."

"Yes," Suki agreed. "We'll all be there for you, Zuko."

"I know. The sage will let us know when it's time to go. Soon…."

"Do you want to wait with me and Sokka?"

"No, we're fine here. Thank you. I've got my uncle."

Iroh gave Suki a nod then sat down with the children to wait. Zuko paced the bedroom nervously. His hands were clenched tight and his face was scrunched up even tighter.

"Nephew, please sit down and relax. That pacing is doing you no good."

"I can't sit down, Uncle. I just want to get it over with now."

"It _will_ be soon enough, but remember the ceremony's importance. It's…"

Zuko cut the man off in mid sentence. "Yes, I know, I know."

The sage came a few minutes later and Zuko along with his children made their way to the ceremonial plaza.

* * *

The plaza was filled with citizens come to pay their respects to the Fire Lady and to join their lord in mourning. Zuko and the children found their spots on the raised dais close to the bier that held Ma's body. He could just see the perfect white shroud, (the sages had taken off the sheet and replaced it with the proper material), and the outline of his wife's body. Zuko whimpered quietly and held on more tightly to Natsumi's hand.

He didn't hear the words that the sages spoke. He didn't hear _anything_ up there on the dais. It was as if he were deep underwater or in some kind of meditative trance. The Fire Lord looked from face to face; Mai's parents, Masami weeping softly, Iroh, Junichi, Toph, Ty Lee, who also wept,Tom, Aang, Katara, Sokka, Suki and all the children. He wanted to see _Mai's_ face with that look she had, eyebrow's quirked upward, slight upturn of her lips and a gleam in her gold eyes. Zuko wanted so desperately to see, but it was gone. She was gone.

When the sages lit the fire and Mai's body began to burn, the full realization of his loss hit. Zuko sagged and almost fell to his knees. Sokka and Aang were at his side instantly, supporting him through the rest of the ceremony.

And when it was finally over, the rituals all complete, Zuko retreated to his room, curled up in a tight ball and wept.

* * *

_**Fifteen months later**_

"I can't believe how much those kids have grown in the past two months." Tom looked at his two nephews and his niece with astonishment. "They look good, Zuko, happy. I know that Mai would be pleased."

They sat by the turtleduck pond and watched as the children played. Akihiko had discovered his firebending just a few weeks earlier at the precocious age of four. Natsumi, though a good bender, preferred to throw Mai's knives, all of which had gone to her. And Yasahiro watched over both of them with a brotherly eye.

"Yeah, they're doing well. We finally got Mai's monument up. It's over there." Zuko pointed to a small white marble stone that sat beneath a young tree. The characters for Mai's name were engraved in the centre and beautiful flowers grew close by. "It's simple but I think she would like it. And the kids like to put pretty things there, especially Natsumi."

Tom got up from his seat on the grass and had a look. "It's perfect," he called back to his brother-in-law. He brushed away a bit of dirt and traced the characters with his fingers. "Hi, Mai." Tom felt silly but didn't care.

"I'm glad that you like it. The kids helped pick out the stone." He was very proud of his children, their strength, their humor and their compassion. "And they chose the spot too."

"Hey, kids," Tom called. "You guys did a great job with your mother's stone."

Natsumi joined her uncle for a moment, sitting down under the small tree. "I think Mommy would like it here. I really miss her, Uncle Tom."

The young man hugged his niece affectionately. "That just shows how much you loved her. I miss her too. I think about her at the funniest times too."

"Yeah, sometimes when I'm in school, I'll remember something she said or did or when I'm working on my bending or playing with my friends."

"How's your dad doing?" Tom whispered.

Natsumi glanced over at Zuko. "He's still really sad, Uncle Tom. When he doesn't know we're looking, I see him cry sometimes."

"Your mom and dad had a special bond, Natsumi. I think he'll always be a little sad. Come on; let's go sit with him."

Tom dropped down beside Zuko and smirked. "I've got some good news."

"Oh, let's hear it," Zuko enthused.

"I asked Sayori to marry me and amazingly enough, she agreed." Tom's eyes shone with delight.

"That's great, Tom, really great." Zuko clapped him on the back. "I'm glad for you. And school, how is it?"

"Almost done; then I need to find a job. But I'm not worried. Everything is falling into place."

"Well, we're planning a visit to Kyoshi Island in a few weeks. I'd like to see Ty Lee and her son again. He's nine months old already. Can you believe that?"

"Life really does go on." Tom mused for a few minutes as if trying to decide something. "Um, I have something for you and the children. Mai wrote each of you a letter the day before she died. She asked me to hold on to them and then decide when to give them to you. I think that now would be good." He pulled four small scrolls out of his satchel and handed them over to Zuko. "She wanted theses letters to be a comfort, Zuko. I'll let you decide when to give the kids their letters."

The Fire Lord took the scrolls and held onto them like they were precious treasures. He looked at the carefully drawn characters of his name, characters that Mai had made with her own hand. Later when he was alone, he would read it.

* * *

With shaking fingers, Zuko untied the scarlet ribbon around his letter. He hesitated before he unrolled it. Whatever it was that she had written, they were her last words to him. Maybe he should save it for later. No, he would read it now. Zuko pulled open the scroll and began to scan the characters.

_My beloved Zuko,_

_There really are no words that can adequately describe how I feel about you or how sad I am that I have to leave you alone. Know that I tried my best to fight the illness, tried my best to stay. _

_Fifteen years with you, the most amazing fifteen years, years filled with happiness and growth and change. I wouldn't take back a thing, not even that one terrible fight we had-do you remember? I threw knives and you threw everything else and we didn't talk for almost a week. It was worth it because when we talked again and made love it was incredible. It was always incredible when we made love. To think we were both so shy and awkward once. _

_Now, I am who knows where and you are by yourself. It won't be easy for you. But you have people, lots of people, to help you. Don't shut down or close yourself off. Use them! They are your friends and family, Zuko. They do really care. _

_Continue to be the wonderful father that you are and do not turn down happiness of any kind should it come your way. Yes, I am talking about another woman. Perhaps one day in the future, you might find a companion. I like to think that it will happen. If you feel guilty, I'll come back and kick your ass. There is no need._

_Tell the kids our story, the whole thing. It's like an epic romance almost and I want them to know everything (well, almost). Be strong for them. I can only imagine how much they will need you. But take care of yourself too._

_I could write silly, stupid things forever, but time is limited. I hope by the time you read this, you have begun to heal._

_I loved you almost from the first moment I saw you Zuko and I love you still,_

_Mai_

Zuko was crying now, but there was a smile on his face too. He held the letter out so he wouldn't smear the ink and ruin Mai's characters. He wiped at his eyes and then read from the beginning again.

_**The End**_

* * *

A/N: happy ending next


	21. Chapter 21

**Weep Not Too Much – Alternate Ending**

**Chapter 21: Turnaround**

Mai wondered if perhaps it would have been more prudent to keep that bit of information to herself. Nothing was certain or sure and she didn't want to raise her husband up only to make him crash back down again. But, damn it, their lives had been in such turmoil for the past month or so; any possible good news should be shared.

"What do you mean 'different'?" Zuko asked. He was afraid to hope that Mai's words might mean something positive. But still, he couldn't stop the little spark from igniting.

Mai stared into the fire, thinking carefully before she spoke again. The cool ocean breeze blew her hair about and caused a shower of sparks to fly up from the flames. It was beautiful and Mai got lost in watching them for a moment. She sighed then and glanced over at her husband. "I think that maybe I'm getting better. I'm not certain, Zuko, and maybe I shouldn't have said anything. But, I feel hopeful for the first time in weeks."

Her gold eyes were shining and she looked excited. Instinctively, her hands went to her abdomen. The pain had lessened just a bit over the last day. It was tolerable now, still present and strong, but she could handle it without any great difficulty.

Instantly, Zuko seemed lighter. The slump of his shoulders disappeared and a tentatively hopeful smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Do you mean it, Mai? You feel better? That's the best news of my entire life. We'll get Katara to take a look at you. Maybe she'll be able to sense a difference too." He got up from his spot on the sand, bent down and scooped his wife up into his arms. "Please," he whispered. "Please let it be true." He kissed her with unrestrained passion then, covering her face and neck with his lips.

"Zuko." Mai giggled huskily and the sound went straight to Zuko's groin. It was a sound that he still found thrilling after fifteen years. "Nothing is for certain. Maybe I'm just feeling a bit better before things get worse. I don't want you to be disappointed, that's all," she added when she watched Zuko's frown return.

"You're right, of course, but it's_ something_ positive. I need to latch on to it. Are you up for a bit of celebrating?" He had a mischievous glint in his gold eyes now.

"Maybe." Mai drew the word out long and slow. "What do you have in mind?"

"There's some wine in the pantry. It's old and it's good. Let's have a drink." He put Mai back down on her feet and extinguished the fire.

"Remember, you and alcohol are not friends." The Fire Lady recalled the few times that her husband had imbibed too much liquor. The results had not been pretty.

"I know; one or two glasses, not any more. Maybe it will help you sleep."

"Okay, I'm game."

They walked arm and arm back to the beach house and entered the kitchen quietly. Zuko found the wine and two glasses, pouring a generous amount for each of them. It was strong and slightly bitter but with an underlying spicyness that was intriguing. Zuko was right. It was very good.

"Mmmm, delicious." Mai sipped at the deep red liquid and looked across the table at her husband. "Thank you, Zuko."

"For the wine? It's not a big deal."

Mai rolled her eyes. "No, for being everything that I need, I couldn't ask for more."

The Fire Lord blushed, partly because of the alcohol and partly because of Mai's words. "You're my wife and I adore you," he replied simply.

They sat quietly then and continued to drink until the bottle was finished. "Maybe we shouldn't have done that." Mai watched as Zuko stumbled up from his seat and banged into another chair.

"Sssokay. We'll sleep it off. It's not like we drink often." He laughed, grabbed Mai's hand and pulled her into his arms. "C'mon, there's something I want to do upstairs."

Mai didn't argue. She wanted to do the _same_ something.

* * *

Everyone arrived eventually the next day, with Ty Lee, Sokka, Suki and their two sons coming first, sometime late in the morning. Zuko's and Mai's children were already outside with Tom, Toph and Iroh, busily playing on the beach.

"Can we play too, Dad?" Sokka's eleven year old boy, Qiu, pleaded with wide blue eyes. He grabbed his nine year old brother, Xing, by the hand and waited for the word.

Sokka and Suki exchanged a look and then they both nodded.

"Yay," the boys exclaimed and took off for the section of sand where the others were having fun.

"I guess Mai and Zuko are still in the house," Ty Lee inferred. "I'm going inside."

She began the short climb from the beach to the house, Suki and Sokka following.

"Do you think they'll be okay?" Suki asked her husband worriedly. "We never asked Iroh or Tom to watch them."

"Don't worry, babe. Iroh wouldn't let anything happen to them and neither would Tom or Toph. They're fine and I'm hungry. I hope the place is well stocked."

"You can always go fishing," Suki teased and gave her husband an affectionate swat.

"I wonder what Mai looks like?" Ty Lee asked over her shoulder.

"You mean you still don't know," Sokka joked.

"I mean her aura. I can tell a lot about someone and how they're feeling from that. How many times have I read yours?"

"Let's not get into that," Sokka replied uneasily. "It's creepy and you always see things that I haven't figured out myself yet."

"It's not creepy. It's beautiful. Some of the auras I've seen are amazing."

"Twi and La, she'll never stop now," the Water Tribesman whined.

"Sokka," Suki said warningly, "be nice."

"When am I not nice? I resent the implication of your words." He pouted exaggeratedly as they approached the large front door and knocked.

Zuko, hair still damp from the bath, pulled open the door and gave everyone a welcoming smile. "Hi, guys, it's good to see all of you. Are your kids down at the beach with mine?" He turned to Suki and waited for her reply.

"Yep, couldn't wait. You look tired Zuko and slightly hung over."

Sokka clapped his friend on the back and grinned. "Been into the good stuff, have you?"

"Yeah, Mai and I had a bottle of wine late last night, or early this morning. I'm not much of a drinker."

"So where_ is_ Mai?" Ty Lee's big grey eyes were full of worry and concern.

Zuko glanced over his shoulder to the staircase. "She's just finishing up her bath. We slept in and she's still really tired."

"She told me in her letter how serious this illness is and that death…." The former circus performer dabbed at her eyes. "She wrote that death is very possible. Oh, I'm sorry, Zuko. You don't need to hear that." She embraced her friend then, hugging him close to her.

"It's okay, really." Zuko hugged back then wriggled away from the enthusiastic woman.

"How are the kids dealing with everything?" Ty Lee's hand touched her belly fleetingly.

Zuko took note of the action and frowned thoughtfully. "Areyou _pregnant_, Ty? Mai did that…that belly touching thing with each pregnancy."

The woman couldn't help herself. She beamed, happiness positively radiating from her. "Yeah, I am; I'm due in about five and a half months. Gao and I are ecstatic." Her face fell then as she caught Zuko's wistful expression. "Geez, here I go, talking about my happiness, when you and Mai are having such a hard time. I feel terrible."

"I don't expect your lives to stop because Mai is ill. I'm really glad for you, Ty Lee. Congratulations."

"What's going on? Why are you congratulating Ty Lee?" Mai joined the little group, a slight smirk on her face. No one had heard her glide gracefully down the stairs.

"Mai, I'm so glad to see you!" Ty Lee leapt on her friend, encircling her thin frame and hugging with all her might.

"Um, that kind of hurts, Ty Lee. Glad to see you too. Hello, Sokka and Suki," she stated, peeking over her friend's shoulder at the couple.

"Hi, Mai; we're glad to be here." Suki gave her a warm smile while the Water Tribesman waved.

"Agni, I'm stupid. I always squeeze too hard. Let me look at you." Ty Lee stepped back and examined Mai carefully, muttering under her breath.

"She's reading your magical aura, Mai, watch out." Sokka gave Ty Lee a poke and laughed.

"Seriously, don't you ever learn, Sokka. Ty Lee takes auras very seriously and you have to admit that she's usually right."

"Fine, fine, I'll leave her alone. What do you see?"

"Yes, what do you see, Ty Lee?" Mai didn't believe in auras but was curious despite her doubts.

"There's a hole in your aura and that means disease. Makes sense, obviously. But there's a lot of green around your middle and green means healing. Agni, if I'm reading you right, I would say that you're healing, Mai. It will be slow but I think you're getting better." She shrieked with joy then and jumped up and down.

Mai shot her husband a knowing look and he smiled. Was it actually possible? Could they be that fortunate?

"I, that's wonderful news, Ty Lee. I've felt a bit better just over the last day or so."

"See, I _am_ right. Oh, this is amazing. I was so worried and sad, Mai. The thought of you leaving your family behind was killing me."

"No offense, but I'm not certain of anything yet. We'll see how I feel in a few weeks and we'll see what Katara says. Hey, you never told me why Zuko was congratulating you. More good news would be great."

"Oh, yeah, I'm going to have a baby, Mai. Can you believe it? I know that Gao and I aren't married…"

Mai raised a hand to stop her friend. "You're together. That's what counts. And you should know that none of us care about things like that. I'm so happy for you, Ty Lee."

"Well, we were being careful…."

"Too much information," Sokka moaned. "Please, Ty Lee…."

The Kyoshi Warrior chose to ignore him. "We were being careful, but it happened anyway. I'm thrilled, though, because who know how long we would have waited and who knows if I would have been able to get pregnant in a few years. They say it gets harder once you're in your thirties. So, Gao and I are getting married in a few months. I'll be big but I don't care. He's got a sweet little house that's perfect for him and me and the baby. Is it wrong to hope for a girl?"

Both Zuko and Sokka stared at her with wide eyes. She hadn't paused once during her little speech.

"I know," Sokka said conspiratorially to the Fire Lord. "I'll never get used to that. I have a lot of headaches; a_ lot_."

"Don't worry about _them,_ Ty Lee. They just have a hard time keeping up." Suki glanced over at Mai and the two women laughed.

"Yeah, yeah," Sokka drawled. "Now, perhaps Zuko could show us our rooms so we can dump our things. I hope lunch is soon. I smell something good."

"Zuko can do that. The kids are all sharing one huge room. We thought it might be fun for them. There are futons spread out on the floor for everyone."

"That sounds perfect, Mai. Thank you." Suki embraced her friend and kissed her gently on the cheek. "Why don't you go get a cup of tea? We'll be down to join you shortly."

"I will," Mai replied and headed for the kitchen.

Zuko watched his wife as she walked, enjoying the sight of her and silently praying that he would be able to enjoy that sight for many years to come.

* * *

The remainder of their guests arrived at sunset, flying in on a happily bellowing Appa and landing in the back courtyard. Akihiko, Natsumi and Yasahiro along with Suki's and Sokka's boys ran through the house shrieking about the bison and the lemur that had most certainly made the journey as well. The adults followed behind, wearing grimaced smiles as the shouts echoed painfully through the hallways.

"C'mon, Mommy, Appa's here." Akihiko ran back to his mother and tugged on the leg of her wide pants.

"Yes, I think that I've figured that out," the Fire Lady replied with a wink.

"Momo too?" the little boy asked.

"I'm sure," Mai said and stroked the boy's hair. "Go on ahead and see."

Sure enough, Momo was perched on Tenzin's shouler and surveyed the crowd that filled the courtyard with wary green eyes.

"It's okay, Momo, you know everyone here." The nine year old airbender gave the lemur a comforting pat before setting him down on the ground.

The intelligent creature immediately went to Mai and ended up on her shoulder, tail curled loosely around the woman's neck. Perhaps Momo sensed her illness and wanted to provide comfort or perhaps he simply liked Mai. The gentle way he played with her long black hair seemed to imply the former.

Mai gave the animal a stroke and then shrugged. "What's up with Momo?"

"He's always liked you, Mai." Aang leapt off Appa and approached all his friends with that cheerful smile they had all learned to love years earlier. "How is everyone? How are _you_, Mai?"

The Avatar was twenty eight years old, tall and lean but strong looking with finely sculpted muscles that rivaled Zuko's. His face was more angular and a bit more serious than it had been when Mai and Zuko first knew him, bit his eyes, huge, grey and always so full of emotion, remained the same.

"Hello, Aang. You look great. Me, it's been a difficult and painful time but there's hope that I may be getting better. I'd like Katara to have a look at me."

"That's amazing, Mai. Zuko, you must be ecstatic. Katara, did you hear?"

The waterbender was helping her daughter, Kya, seven years old, down from the air bison. She gave Mai and Zuko a warm smile. "I heard. And I think that I should look at Mai right away. Tenzin and Kya, you can play with your friends."

Everyone exchanged greetings then, family hugging family and friends hugging friends.

"Twinkletoes and Sugar Queen!" Toph declared as she gave her oldest friends resounding punches to the upper arm. "I've missed you guys. " She moved on to the children next, giving both Tenzin and Kya a hug.

"It's delightful to see you, Aang and Katara." Iroh's gentle voice was full of wisdom and kindness. He beamed at the couple and spoke a few quiet words to their children.

Katara grabbed hold of Mai's arm. "There will be lots of time for talk later. Let's go to your room. I'm anxious to see what is happening. Are you all right with that?"

Mai nodded. "I've been waiting for you."

They slipped through the throng and headed back into the beach house and up the stairs to the bedrooms. Mai's stomach was coiled into tight knots. 'Let the news be good,' she repeated in her mind over and over again.


	22. Chapter 22

**Weep Not Too Much: Chapter 22 **

_**Survival: Chapter 2 of Alternate Ending**_

"This room is lovely," Katara commented as soon as she and Mai entered the bedroom.

At one time, the space was _two_ rooms, rooms that Zuko and Azula had stayed in as children. Since Zuko wanted no part of a room that Ozai once slept in, he had changes made. The two bedrooms became one grand one, a room fit for his lady, a perfect room, something new for a new world. It was big and bright, with a balcony that faced the sea. Rather than the usual reds that dominated the décor at the palace, Mai had opted for whites with bits of blue and green. Those colours seemed somehow fitting for the seaside locale and they were lighter, breezier and more relaxing.

"Yeah, notice the absence of red," Mai quipped. "I wanted something different for the beach house, something that makes it seem like a vacation home. Theses shades do the trick."

"Mmm, beautiful." Katara stepped onto the balcony and looked out at the ocean. The sun would be on its way down soon and the moon at its ascent. The waterbender could feel the changes in her blood just as Zuko felt the pull of the sun every morning. Regretfully, she tore her eyes away from the breathtaking scene and turned back to her friend. "Okay, you know the drill. Get on the bed and lift up your shirt." Katara dug in her tunic pocket for a leather hair tie and pulled her long brown waves into a quick braid.

"Yes, ma'am." Mai smiled crookedly and climbed up onto the huge bed, covered with delicately embroidered white sheets and pillows with pretty blue cases. She lifted up her pale pink shirt and waited for Katara.

"Just let me open my water skin and I'll get started." Katara popped it open and drew out enough water to cover her hand completely. She closed her eyes while breathing in deeply, honing her focus and concentration.

"Cold," Mai gasped as the water glove began its probing.

Katara didn't answer. She was engrossed in her task, her hand barely touching Mai's pale skin now, hovering at its surface as if searching for something. Suddenly, she pressed down hard on the affected area or at least the original area affected by the illness. Mai gasped from the pain this time, biting her lip to stop from shrieking.

"Sorry." Katara looked stricken. She hated causing pain but sometimes it was a necessary part of the job.

"It's fine," Mai hissed. "I've had worse."

The waterbender continued, moving her hand further up Mai's body. When she was done the woman wore a tentative smile.

"Things _are_ different from the last time I saw you, Mai. The illness, the growth is smaller and doesn't seem so, I don't know, so immoveable. Let me work on it some more."

Katara went back to her task and Mai stared at the glowing water. It was fascinating really, how this healing worked, how something as simple as that liquid, so simple yet the essence of life, could heal when in the right hands. Of course, it couldn't heal _everything_, but it was amazing nevertheless.

"There, I can't really do anything else, Mai. But, I'm a lot more hopeful than I was weeks ago." She pulled Mai's shirt down and helped the woman up. "How's your eating? Do you feel up for some dinner?"

Mai considered the question. "Well, I'm not in Sokka's league, but I'm a little bit hungry."

"Good; let's go downstairs and give your husband the news and then pay the kitchen a visit. My kids will be starving."

"Mine eat like ravenous wild animals," Mai remarked with an affectionate smile.

The two women walked contentedly downstairs to their waiting families.

* * *

Zuko didn't have to ask. The look on Katara's face as she walked down the stairs told him all that he wanted to know.

"Thank you," he whispered as she walked by.

"I didn't do anything. Mai's healing herself, or nature is helping or some higher power. Who knows? But I'm thrilled for you and your family."

The waterbender headed on to the kitchen, giving Zuko's arm a squeeze as she passed him. If she went by the noise coming from the other side of the door, Katara would have to assume that everyone was gathered there, waiting for dinner to be served.

"Hey, there." Mai was beside him now, her arm linked with his and her head resting comfortably on his shoulder.

Zuko kissed her ebony hair, inhaling the fragrance of lilies. "Hey; Katara told me." His voice cracked. "I feel almost giddy. It's happening, Mai. You're getting better."

"Seems that way, doesn't it. I'm going to be cautious, though, Zuko. I think we should wait a while before we say anything to the children. If it turns out not to be true….."

"I agree," Zuko said, cutting her off. "We'll wait a few weeks. Then we'll have the biggest celebration that our family has ever seen. Now, let's get you something to eat. You'll need your strength to keep fighting."

Mai smiled at her husband's enthusiasm and as she looked at Zuko, she wondered if it was even possible to love someone more.

* * *

The next few days were a blur of sandcastles and bonfires, wading and shell collecting, napping with cool sea breezes blowing in against the delicate bedroom drapes, laughing, talking and making love. They were glorious and as each one passed, Mai felt herself grow stronger.

It was with sorrow that Mai and Zuko along with their children, bid farewell to their friends. But they all had lives that needed tending to.

"I wish Kya could stay, Daddy. I like having a girl around." Natsumi's bottom lip stuck out as she watched the Avatar's daughter hand her little satchel up to Katara.

"I know you do, sweetie. But she has to go home with her mom and dad. Maybe we can have her visit the palace for a few weeks when the two of you are a bit older. Would you like that?" Zuko knelt in front of his daughter and wrapped his arms around her small body.

"Yeah," she sniffed. "But I miss her already."

"Well, you have your friends at school," Zuko reminded the girl. "You'll see them again before you know it."

Natsumi considered her father's words. "That's true. Are we going back soon?"

"Yeah, in a few days you'll be back in school."

"K, but I'll still miss Kya. None of my _other _friends are waterbenders."

"I can't help you there,"' Zuko shrugged. He looked over to Mai who mirrored his gesture.

Thankfully, the little girl had already moved on to something else. She and Akihiko petted Momo and fed him bits of food that always seemed to end up in their pockets.

"Momo has to come with us now," Aang said gently. He gave the children each a hug before scooping up the lemur and moving over to Mai and Zuko. "We'll see you again soon. Mai, I admire your strength and Zuko, yours too. I'm so glad that things are looking up." He turned grey eyes back to the kids, making sure that they couldn't hear his words. "Soon you'll be able to share the good news. That will be a great day."

Katara, Sokka and Suki joined Aang while Ty Lee moved in close to Mai. "Take good care of her, Zuko." The waterbender gave the Fire Lord a stern look before embracing him and then Mai. "She's still fragile."

"You know I will," Zuko replied. "She's my life."

The Avatar's grey eyes met Zuko's gold ones. He understood that sentiment all too well. Clasping Zuko's hand in his, he said his goodbyes and then airbended gracefully on to Appa. Katara and their children followed and soon they were in the air, fading to a white speck quicker than anybody liked.

"Well, I suppose we should get going too. Thanks for a great few days and Mai, keep doing what you're doing." Suki hugged her friend and then whispered in her ear. "You look better already. I'm so happy."

Sokka was next, giving Zuko a manly hug and Mai a gentler one before whisking his two boys away.

"Bye," they called as they made their way to the boat that had brought them to Ember Island.

Ty Lee hung back, wanting a private word with Mai and Zuko. Her big eyes filled with tears as she looked at the couple. "I hope that Gao and I have what you two do one day. I love you guys and I'm so happy that everything is working out."

"Oh, Ty Lee, that's sweet, but you and Gao have a great relationship. Let us know when the wedding is, okay? I wouldn't miss that for anything….well, except death," she added dryly.

Zuko's look could have melted metal and Mai wished she could take the words back.

"I will. Take care, both of you." She was crying now and put an arm around each of them.

"It's okay, Auntie Ty Lee. I'll help take care of my mom too." Yasahiro patted the Kyoshi Warrior on the back.

"You're a good kid," Ty Lee declared when she turned to face the boy. "Thanks.' She hugged all three royal children and then with a brisk wave took off after Suki and Sokka.

"Well, that took forever." Toph had her feet up on the dining room table and she was picking away at her teeth with grimy looking fingernails. Tom sat nearby, eating a snack, oblivious to all around him. "I'm glad that I said my goodbyes earlier."

The earthbender had decided to go back to the capitol with Mai and Zuko, Tom and Iroh. She would eventually accompany the tea maker back to Ba Sing Se.

"With all the kids and animals, it takes awhile," Mai smirked. "I'm going to have a nap. I'll be back down for dinner. Oh, the children are playing in the courtyard."

She kissed Zuko on the cheek and headed up the stairs.

* * *

"Remarkable," Iroh noted. "She looks so much better. I couldn't be happier, nephew."

"I can't even describe how I feel," Zuko grinned. "But I'm afraid too, afraid, that it's all too good to be true, afraid that she'll relapse and…"

Iroh planted a warm hand firmly on his nephew's shoulder. "I understand. But I have a very good feeling about Mai. She's turned the corner and I don't believe she'll be looking back."

"I hope that you're right, Uncle and thanks. I'm going to go check on her. I know that I worry too much, but I can't help it. Can you keep an eye on the kids?"

"Yes, you go ahead."

Zuko gave his uncle a smile, nudged Toph and snatched a piece of meat from Tom's plate.

"Hey, that's _my_ snack," Mai's brother declared with mock seriousness. "Get your own!"

"Just remember who paid for all the food." Zuko stole another piece and darted out of the kitchen.

* * *

Mai was asleep when Zuko entered their room. Her breathing was soft and even and she looked peaceful. He watched her for a few minutes, simply enjoying the sight of her, before dropping gently on to the bed and curling up around her. He wasn't tired and didn't really feel like a nap, but Mai's allure was impossible to resist.


	23. Chapter 23

**Weep Not Too Much **

_**Chapter 23: Survival **_

The children begged to spend one more morning at the beach. Zuko and Mai relented. They were packed and ready to go, all their things already on the boat. By evening time, they would be home again.

"I'm going to miss this place." Mai looked up at the house from her position on the sand. "Let's not wait too long before we come back."

"We won't," Zuko assured his wife. "It's been a really good few days. And Mai, you look so much healthier already. I think you've put a few pounds back on."

"I hope so," she answered with a chuckle. "I was getting tired of adjusting all my clothes."

Both turned to watch their children playing on the beach. Toph lounged beside them, hands behind her head and eyes closed, but aware of everything going on around her. Iroh and Tom were having some sort of philosophical discussion. Both men, one young and one old, gestured enthusiastically with their hands and spoke loudly.

"Wonder what that's all about?" Zuko pointed at his uncle.

"Hmmph, I think they just enjoy hearing themselves talk. University has had that affect on Tom." Mai smiled affectionately as she observed her brother.

The couple joined the kids on the sand, helping to make one last sand castle before they left for home. Yasahiro peered closely at his mother. She could almost see his mind working.

"Mom?" He sounded hesitant, as if afraid to bring up whatever it was he wanted to talk about.

Mai reached out and stroked her older son's head. "What is it, Yasahiro?"

"Are you getting better? You seem different, a good different." He smiled and kept his gold eyes trained on hers.

"We should have known that you kids would sense something." Mai glanced at Zuko. She asked with her eyes what she should do. Breaking the hearts of her children was not on her agenda, but if they could guess, what was the harm in telling them good news? Zuko nodded briefly and pulled a squirming Akihiko into his lap. "I _am_ feeling better, Yasahiro." Natsumi squealed with delight and wrapped her arms around Mai's waist. "Your dad and I are hoping that I continue to feel better. We didn't want to say anything until we were more certain. Do you understand?"

The boy nodded. "You're worried that we might get hurt."

"Exactly," Mai replied proudly as she played with Natsumi's long brown hair. "But you figured it out. You're a smart kid."

Yasahiro puffed his scrawny chest out a bit and grinned at his mother. "I'm really glad, Mom."

"Your dad and I are glad too. I want to see all of you grow up and I want to live to be an old lady."

Zuko reached out and took Mai's hand in his. She turned her head and met his eyes. "I want that more than anything," he declared, voice husky with emotion.

* * *

The morning after their return, Mai went to the royal physician's office, with sparkling eyes and a spring in her step.

"Agni, Mai, you look wonderful. Perhaps Ember Island does have magical powers." Chiko stood up from his chair and embraced the Fire Lady. "Let me have a closer look."

He checked her over, smiling the whole time. Mai's pulse was strong; her pain had lessened more as each day passed and whatever had settled so firmly into her abdomen, seemed to have loosened its grip. The healer couldn't be more thrilled.

"I was almost certain that I would die, Chiko. I had made my peace with it. And I still don't completely believe that I'm in the clear. It's possible to relapse, isn't it? That would almost be worse."

"I suppose that it's possible. I won't ever lie to you, Mai. But, look at the progress you have made. I feel very, very hopeful. Zuko must be ecstatic. I worried about him as much as I did you."

"Yeah, he is. I feel so incredibly light right now, like I just dropped this massive weight I've been carrying. It feels so good." Mai smiled and Chiko pulled her in for another hug.

"How is your appetite? Are you keeping food down?" His expression grew serious for a moment.

"I'm eating better and more but still not as much as I used to."

"That's good, very good. Your body will use a lot of energy to heal. I want you to continue with those teas I prescribed and eat as many fruits and vegetables as you can along with a bit of meat and rice."

"I will, Chiko, although I'm not sure how much of an appetite I'll have for lunch. My parents are coming over. They insisted. Tom will be there too so things will be bearable at least."

The physician chuckled. "You eat no matter how angry or uncomfortable they might make you. Your health must be your top priority."

"All right; I'll try to choke down something." Mai gave the old man a smirk and headed back to her rooms.

* * *

Everyone fell easily into a regular routine once they had been home for a day or so. The children returned to school, Zuko worked overly hard, his conscientiousness getting the better of him, and Mai helped out everyone while still taking extra care to facilitate her recovery. One of her first happy tasks was to write her Uncle Junichi and let him in on the good news.

Tom, meanwhile, continued to pursue the young woman he had recently met, Toph kept everyone amused and Iroh was his usual warm and comforting presence. It was all familiar and comfortable and Mai appreciated it more than she ever had before.

"I was thinking," Zuko proposed one quiet evening about a week after their return.

"Oh," Mai replied with eyebrows quirked upward. She reached for her bitter tasting tea and drank it down in one bitter gulp. "Ugh!" She shuddered and then turned her attention back to the Fire Lord. "What were you thinking about?"

"I feel so happy, Mai, and I'd like to share that happiness with everyone else."

Leaning back into a wonderfully comfortable pile of cushions, Mai asked, "Oh, are you talking about a celebration?"

"Yeah, but not just for the family, for everyone; we could have some kind of festival." He looked at her hopefully.

"What, the 'Mai Cheats Death' Festival; no one knew that I was ill, Zuko, that I am ill. I think it's better if we keep it for the family." She took in his crestfallen expression and feeling guilty, ran a gentle finger down his scarred cheek. "It's a sweet idea. I just don't feel comfortable with it."

"Okay," he sighed. "How about a special dinner, then, with Iroh and Tom and Toph and us; are you all right with that?"

"That's perfect." Mai leaned in close to her husband and kissed him softly. "Thank you, Zuko."

* * *

The dinner _was_ perfect; oh, there were spills and there was whining and there were heated discussions between Junichi, who managed to make it to the palace, and both Iroh and Zuko. But the dislike and anger were gone, replaced by respect and a grudging sort of affection amongst the three men of three different generations.

Mai sat back and allowed it all to soak in. This, this group of people, was her family, Toph included. She loved each and every one of them and was content to simply watch them eat and talk and bicker. There were no words that could adequately express her emotions so she chose silence and small touches instead. Zuko understood. He always did.

"You should eat more," Junichi suggested to his niece. "You're still much too skinny. Here, have another spoonful of rice and vegetables."

Mai didn't bother to protest. She couldn't stop the hulking man from standing up and scooping out a generous helping for her. And she appreciated his concern. When he was watching, she ate small spoonfuls and when he turned away, she put the spoon down gratefully.

Zuko chuckled. "Can't say no to Uncle?"

She gave his leg a pinch under the table and then giggled as he gasped with surprise. "I guess not," she replied meekly.

"Well, if she Mai won't eat it, I will," Toph chimed in. "Everything is delicious." The earthbender was tempted to lick her bowl but refrained when she felt many pairs of eyes on her. "Geez, aren't you a bunch of prissy people." She dropped her bowl with a thump. "What's for dessert?"

* * *

_**Six Weeks Later**_

Zuko woke with a start. Mai wasn't in the bed and cold, terrible panic filled him.

"Mai," he called out, his voice tremulous.

He heard movement in the bathroom and sighed with relief. After a few minutes when Mai still hadn't emerged, Zuko decided to investigate. When he saw his wife, drawn and pale, head hanging over the basin, the Fire Lord almost collapsed. Was the illness back? Had her recovery been simply a grace period, some extra time to spend with her loved ones? Oh, that would be beyond cruel.

"Mai," he called again, his voice barely above a whisper. "What's wrong? Is it back?"

He approached the woman, putting a strong hand on her back. Mai finally lifted her head, wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand. "Please get me a glass of water."

Zuko complied, pouring her a cupful. She drank it down quickly and then gave him a smile.

"Why are you smiling? You were throwing up. Mai, the sickness must be back. Damn it, that's not fair. I thought you were better." His raspy voice cracked and the familiar sting of tears settled in his eyes.

The soft skin of Mai's finger tickled his lip. "Shh, Zuko, let me explain."

"Wha, what is it?"

"Think about all the lovemaking…." Mai was almost grinning now.

"Oh,oh, you mean you're pregnant? We're having another baby?" Mai nodded and let her husband continue. "Are you sure? Have you seen Chiko?" Mai shook her head. "You need to see him soon. A baby, Mai, another life; I thought I was going to lose you and instead we get another son or daughter. "

Zuko embraced her then, lifting her feet off the air and swinging her gently around before setting her back down.

"So I take it you're happy?" Mai stated with her most pronounced drawl.

Zuko touched her abdomen reverently. "Happy, delirious; I love you, Mai."

"Let's keep it quiet for a few weeks, just to make sure. And I'll see Chiko soon."

Whatever you want, so long as you're here with me."

"I'm not going anywhere, Zuko."

Arm in arm they walked back into the bedroom and then crawled under the covers, snuggling together until long after the sun rose.

* * *

_**Eight Months Later**_

"I still wish he was a girl," Natsumi pouted adorably. She rubbed the three week old infant's cheek and smiled down at him. "But he _is _really cute, Mommy."

"I'm so pleased that you approve." Mai glanced over at Zuko who was grinning like a fool.

Akihiko, now four years old, played at his father's feet while eleven year old Yasahiro sat on the sofa and read a school book with unusual enthusiasm.

"Can I help with the baby, Mommy? Can I help with Kyuichi?" The girl's eyes were bright and eager.

Giving Zuko another look, this one accompanied by a smirk, Mai replied, "Well, you're eight now. How about I introduce you to diapers?"

Yasahiro laughed. "Ha, ha, Natsumi; you just volunteered to change dirty diapers. You're stupid."

"I am not," the girl yelled angrily.

Little Kyuichi began to cry, his face growing more red and scrunched up by the second.

"Now you made him cry. You really are stupid." The oldest prince sneered at his sister.

"That's enough, Yasahiro." Zuko wasn't grinning any longer. He strode over the sofa and took the boy's book from his hand. "Your sister is far from stupid and I don't like the tone of your voice."

Before Zuko had a chance to demand it, Yasahiro offered the girl a sincere apology. "I'm sorry, Natsumi. Dad's right. You're not stupid."

"Hmmph," she snorted and picked up her baby brother. "Like this, right, Mommy?"

"Just like that." Mai put an arm around the princess and guided her to the rocking chair. "Sit with him here. He likes it."

She moved to join her husband, the two of them letting the sight of their four children soak in, love and pride filling them both.

"I still can't quite believe it," Zuko breathed out softly. "We have a new son and _you're _healthy. It's overwhelming. I don't think I could be happier, Mai."

"I know exactly how you feel."

Mai moved closer to Zuko, pressing her side into his and he responded with a kiss to her temple. His lips were warm and so was the hand that grasped hers.

_**the end**_

* * *

A/N: sincere thanks to all who've read and enjoyed this story and to those who leave me such sweet reviews.


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